I was sitting in a cafe, sipping a cold drink. The drink passed in my throat, I can feel it going down my throat and falling into my belly. Right when it hit the bottom of my stomach, I couldn’t feel it anymore. This thought struck my mind, and it made e forget that I’m sitting in a cafe. I was lost in my thoughts. This drink, when mixed with all the half-digested junk in my tummy, becomes something else. It isn’t the soda that I drank anymore. It’s some dude’s half-digested stomach acid. So, the soda doesn’t exist now. It existed a while ago till it was in the throat. But now, it doesn’t, and you can’t turn me upside down and get it back. If you try that, you might get that semi-digested white puke that is not the soda anymore.


So, is this what happens to me? What A I? I’m a skeletal structure, and above that, a muscular one fit with all the organs in a way that I have consciousness. I’m me, till I am conscious. So, if I’m not conscious, aware and awake, am I non-existent? I lost in dreaming about ‘nothing’. I could see something black everywhere. But I know that ‘nothing’ would not be black, because black is something, for it to be nothing, I have to imagine a blank space. I realised that it is humanly impossible to imagine nothingness as we have something or the other to always think about. We can not really think nothing like those meditation fantasisers claim. The close one to nothing that I could think was everything!

I imagined everything instead of nothing but excluded me out of the picture; I imagined the world as it is, full of splendour and horror. And I imaged the dog sniffing in garbage and perverts sniffing thrown panties. The world is the same, the mixture of every opinion it contains. Just one difference; I don’t exist anymore. This thought struck me from the back like an ice pick with full of snow on it. I felt breathless like, Jean-Paul Sartre; nausea. Nothing mattered anymore. I can see my reflection in the empty bottle on the table in front of me. It exists, it is a plastic bottle designed to contain a liquid that people consume; It has a purpose that’s solved, and I trash it.  And it goes into the dump and from there it recycles. It’s molten and becomes some other product, or ironically the same bottle again.


But this one, this new transformation is different from the older bottle. Even though it is the same bottle, it is different. It is not the old bottle now, it changed. As per our understanding, its existence has not ceased but transformed into something else or the same thing again. But it is not exact, it is different. Maybe there was an imperfection in the bottle somewhere, perhaps it had an extra plastic layer on it, but it has some new flaws now. It is not the same bottle even if it looks like it. This made me realised how objectified are religious people. Maybe they don’t voluntarily do that, but they compare themselves with objects. They think like this bottle even they are made by some external being, filled with some purpose, and after the fulfilment of that purpose they believe they are re-used.


I think I know how they came to this conclusion. The religious people are just like me, just like how I felt about this soda bottle, they thought about it too, looking at the mirror. They compare themselves with the things that they see because these things are what immediate to our sense and intellect. We can see them, think them. But we can’t think about what is not there. We can’t think about the things that happened before us that connect to us. We don’t know what our parents were thinking about before conceiving us. Or we don’t know what happens in the baby-making factory of God. We don’t even know if God is a dude or an animal. What we speak about or think about God or anything that we haven’t seen by comparing it with things that we have seen and try to make it sense.


But we haven’t seen them, we are not capable of thinking about something before or after our existence. But I have successfully done that. I have thought about the world where I don’t exist. I ceased to exist. I’m lying in the ground, six feet under. Years have passed, and my descendants don’t even know that it is me that brought them into existence. The graveyard has been destroyed, and now the land is a real-estate venture. The tractors moved the soil. My fragile bones broke because of the pressure, and now they got jumbled; My favourite face, the beautiful face that I apply moisturiser every day is now a skull with no features half-cracked inside the ground. And my flesh in the tummies of maggots long back now. My energy drained in the soil went into the roots of a plant. It sucked me with its rots from the humus. And my jaw, my beautiful jaw broken because of the soil-digging, has now surfaced. My jawless skeleton lay underground.

This spectacular jaw attracted the skinny stray dog. It found a play toy in this calcium deposit that I once wielded a majestic beard; It held the jaw in its mouth and ran all over the venture. And It played with my jaw, and the tooth that was stuck on it fell on the ground. My sharp-canine got into a car tyre, made it flat. This angry driver threw my tooth out of this tyre on the filth beside the road. I exist! I exist in the plant’s body, I exist in the maggots that have eaten me, I exist in the dog’s mouth and car’s tyre. But it is not me, it was me, but not me now. Now it is a mere veil that had held me like the empty bottle with no soda. My muscles, my organs, my brain and my functions and my user-interface, the mind, they don’t exist. I transform into a plant, my cells live.

I existed even before I was born, like the stardust. We all don’t cease to exist, we transform. And we change from a being sitting in a cafe sipping a cold drink to dog’s play-bone and a maggot’s midday meal. We are eternal. It is just our consciousness that is not. It is a limited offer which is a result of evolution by natural selection. The cell in evolution had thought it’s best if this ape gets consciousness. Thus, the mind, and existence of consciousness. And here I exist. As a memory in the mind of myself writing this in the future after my cafe episode. Then the regular diversion have started. I have crossed all these thoughts off my brain; I wanted to close my eyes for a while and when I open it, I don’t want to picture my death anymore. And I want to delude myself into believing that I have a purpose like that plastic bottle.

I have lot of things to do, it is time to work, I thought. I stood-up walked away and looked all these people in the cafe, not knowing what happens to them after dying. They think they will transport to heaven or some think they stop existing. No, they exist, in a different form. A form that we don’t want to imagine. We turn in to the half-digested juice of this world’s other beings. But no, why should we think about it, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just look at that toe massager, dream of buying it. Let’s chase a paper print called money. Because I think any diversion is better than thinking about this. Or maybe we can embrace it, by calling it a random event that we had no say.

Our purpose, or to be precise, the purpose for us to have consciousness is to make these cells replicate and live long. Thus our purpose ends as other beings in the world use our energy, cells and etc. Hence our purpose solves. We transform! We exist, not same, but different!

Hey pals, so still stuck at a point where you are being judged? or finding it hard to place yourselves at a point in life? No worries, we are here to brighten up your day. Don’t worry, we are not selling any products for you, neither asking time if you have time for the Lord, our saviour “Cthulhu“. In the following article, let me help you understand what you did wrong in life. So that you would finally get it.

Having An Opinion:
What? You had an opinion on something? How dare you? I mean don’t you understand this, you should not have an opinion on something. Your research may be correct, you might actually state facts but you should not have an opinion. Did you use your education and resources to have an opinion on something? How condescending! But to save us from this we always have people who correct us by their opinions, not facts. How lucky we are! Next time don’t give them work. Don’t have opinions.

Standing Up When You Get Bullied Or Trolled:
Do you see how silly it sounds? Standing up for yourselves? Come on, who do you think you are? They are trolling you and having fun, let them enjoy, why are you stopping it? I mean, you must be fun at parties. It may hurt, but who cares? The others are having fun don’t stop it. Get bullied, let people enjoy when you mentally breakdown and cry. You are getting trolled and getting memes being made on you? Get trolled, see people are laughing so must take it. You are not special okay!

Stating A Rational Thought:
Did you state a rational thought on someone’s belief? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you dumb? Why don’t you understand this? You think you are rational and therefore they are facts, huh? Don’t you know that loud voices matter most instead of a fact? But luckily, even for this, we have people who cuss even our families and us, so that we don’t state facts next time. I’m feeling privileged!

Sharing Passions With Your Family:
You asked your family members that you have a passion and want to follow it? Oh, my sweet summer child! Did you have a concussion or an aneurism? You have a passion and want to follow it? Oh gosh! You are completely wasted! Who have passions? Only successful people! How did they become successful? By following their passion! Don’t you think and understand this? Luckily even here we have family who brings our self-esteem and confidence down by saying things like “You are a disgrace to this family” ” I wish you weren’t born.” So that we don’t have demonic possessions like “passion.”

Setting Your Personal Life Goals Based On Your Strengths:
That is the dumbest thing you can do! Setting goals based on your strengths? What is wrong with you? Did you use your mind to think? Are you doing drugs or what? How foolish of you? You yourself decide when you marry, have kids, where to work and what to do? Don’t you have a fear of being judged for minding your own business? If you do everything on our own, what is the need for relatives? And who gave you the right to think about yourselves. Don’t do this; let others decide what you do.

Feeling Sad When You Are Backstabbed. Specially In Work Place:
You are sad when your colleague backstabs you and takes a promotion? I mean you believe you deserve a promotion? Come on, come back to reality! Your colleague outsmarted you. How stupid of you to trust them? You revolted against them when you found this? Oh man, you never see it do you? They just used you and thrown you out like a tissue. They might say “Don’t worry God will take care of everything.” You might get thoughts like “Around 1.08 million people died of corona and he couldn’t save them, why would he give a rats ass on a guy who got betrayed at a workplace?” That is a question for a different day. Don’t get thoughts like this, just work like a slave and try to be a slave master next time.

In the end, if you don’t follow the above steps, you will have a complete life. Yes one more important thing, if anything wrong happens to you without you doing anything, raise your hand and say “It is my fault.” That is the cherry on the top! Congratulations! You finally got it!

It started with a tweet of a British Professor, Edward Anderson. We all might be familiar with this issue; people who use social media at least. Replying to a tweet of Zomato which asked people to name a food that they don’t like and many people yet love it. Edward Anderson, using his twitter account, retweeted the tweet saying that he finds Idly as the most boring thing in the world. And the tweets that followed created this Idly affair.

Edward Anderson’s tweet got viral because of the replies that Indians gave to him. It is evident that Indians got offended by this British tweet. Indians are quick at their feet when someone talks about India, and that too when someone not from India does that. After spamming Edward Anderson with curse words and calling him an idiot and tasteless person, I present this pragmatic question : what practical difference did it make? Did Edward Anderson’s taste buds get a firmware update to love Idlis?

His reply to the enraged tweets.

After clapping hands to people who spammed him and feeling proud for defending Idly, what did we achieve? Why is no one asking this question? As a South-Indian, I grew up eating Idly more than half of my life. And I have met numerous people who found Idly boring, and they were not Brits, they were my classmates, friends and acquaintances who were very much Indian. So let us bash everyone who hates Idly? I have even met many Indians who told me that they hate the very infamous Dosa! Now shall we go to their house and ask them to leave India?

It is up to common knowledge that likings and dislikings are subjective, which vary upon each person. Not every Indian loves Idly, let alone foreigners. From my experience, I know that most of the Americans love CoffeeCoffee, and the English are obsessed with their Tea. The famous singer, Sting even has a lyric about it in his song, Englishman in New York. The first line of that song is “I don’t drink Coffee, only Tea my dear…” Many Americans loved that song. People didn’t make videos on Sting dissing him that Coffee is tastier than Tea because we know that he was singing a song about his ‘Englishness’.

Similarly, If I replied to Zomato’s tweet by saying that I find Mac N Cheese boring and I don’t know why people love it, I don’t think I would go Viral, and no one would call me tasteless. How insecure we are to react upon a person’s opinion! If we know that Idly and a Hot sambar is what we love to eat, why prove it to someone who doesn’t? Why the intolerance towards someone’s opinion just because they are not Indian? It is a basic thing to understand that everyone in the world can not love what we love. 

If we assume that what we love is the only beautiful thing in the world and call the other people with other interests as ‘tasteless’, how immature must we be? How insecure and intolerant must we be to react and try to prove someone that the object we love is superior to their interests and they are idiots. It just means that we won’t let any other opinion in our ears and we want to hear what we love in the mouths of all the world. Not only is that thought childish, but it is also erroneous and dogmatic!

Can we eat Mac N cheese for breakfast? Can the Brits ever embrace Coffee? Can the South-Indians eat only Roti for dinner? These are questions we can not answer because to answer that we need to study every one of those individuals and form a data analysis and interpretation to check the most popular opinion. And in the end, the pragmatic question again, what practical difference would that make? Would you stop eating Dosa because someone told you they find it boring? If not, why would you argue with them that you love it? They never will. Why don’t you enjoy what you love by letting other people love and hate what they love and hate?

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