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Origins of Philosophy: Founder of Western Philosophy, Thales of Miletus

Origins of Philosophy trace back to different dates, but the most widely accepted notion is that the birth of philosophical thought began in 1st Millennium B.C.E. The dates about first philosophy is questionable. But as per available and verified records, Thales of Miletus, is considered as founder of Philosophy. Because he marks the first one to break free from myth and explain natural phenomena in a materialistic way.

The Aegean sea saw the most flourished civilisations and trades as it was around those islands and the shores that most trading happened. These islands were agriculturally rich and have set some trade among the crops and other materials they had. Among those flourishing lands, came myths and tales of god, beautifully written and extraordinary believed. But right in the heart of this civilisation, right in the eastern part of Ionian city, Miletus, there came a man named Thales, who fathered philosophy and its offspring, Science. 

Thales of Miletus is accredited for many things. None is actually recorded directly and no direct sources of his writings or any mentions of his time survive. The primary source is Aristotle, who is well known for his philosophical and scientific works. According to the firm assertion in Aristotle’s mention of Thales in his work, it can be said that he might be having direct works of Thales with him. Although Aristotle does write some things about Thales with a hypothetical tone, which even he wasn’t sure of as they belonged to Thales’s personal life. But as far as what Thales had contributed to philosophy, cosmology and science, Aristotle asserted them with certainty.

Thales’s life

Many things told about Thale’s life are purely debatable as there are no direct accounts or written proofs. But the most obvious or accepted, historically verified things about his life still account him for being a myth-breaker, and founder of a new way of creating hypotheses. Thales is accounted for founding philosophy because even though he had all the mythology available and all the gods of Olympus myths circling around at that age, never did he mention any Homerian god. 

Nowhere in Thales’s contributions did he use poetries and ambiguous sentences to define natural phenomena. He didn’t even use any supernatural explanations. He tried to explain the phenomenon as it appeared to human perception. And he observed natural objects, tried to understand without any supernatural implications and proposed naturalistic hypotheses. He is referred to as the first naturalist and materialist. It is because it was very modern and forward and too rebellious for someone of that period to be thinking of the material world and propose natural explanations.

Many who wrote about him believe that he travelled a lot and that too to Egypt and Babylonia. It is said that he tried to explain the flooding of the Nile. He is also said to have learnt a great deal of cosmology and mathematics from Egyptians and the Chaldean religion. And he spent his life philosophising and trying to put his hypothesis to use. He also contributed to astronomy, mathematics, trade, navigation and created a new method to discuss them.

Ionian enlightenment and the origins of philosophy

All the greece authors, like Homer who wrote Iliad (Trojan War), and many that followed used gods to explain natural phenomena. They considered Poseidon (ocean god) getting angry and shaking earth causing earthquakes and harsh tidal waves. Many other natural objects were explained using different gods. It is understandable for many to turn towards monotheism from a polythesitic origin. But Thales, never in his theories mentions any god at all.

Thales’s theories used a new method which later developed into a philosophical method. It is the method of logic. He used his observations to form some information and conclude hypotheses from all the information or premises. It is pure inference that Thales did. But it was the first time a new method took place mythos (mythology). Since then, it has been mythos vs logos (logic) in Greek philosophy. This enlightenment marks first ever use of logic. It marks as an important and relevant discussion for the origins of philosophy.

Anaximander and Anaximenes successful disciples and successors of Thales continued this approach of observations, hypotheses and testing them. They carried forward Thales’s philosophy and at times used it to criticise Thales’s own theories. This is the first ever philosopher group debating in the cities of Ionia. Thus marking the beginning; the origins of philosophy.

This change of thought from mythos to logos in Ionia, is marked as one of the greatest turns in the history of science and philosophy. And this sudden shift of paradigm is called Ionian enlightenment. And even though there is no such school of thought formed and taught, these three philosophers and their thoughts together revolve around similar terms. They discussed similar things in a similar way. And it only necessitates to call those three a school of thought. And thus, regardless of having no school literally, this group of first philosophers is addressed as the milesian school of philosophy.

Origins of Philosophy: Founder of Western Philosophy, Thales of Miletus
The ancient map of Miletus sitting at Asia Minor

The Arché: Primary principle, origin of everything

Well, heard about the grand unification theory? Not to exaggerate, but the intent to unify everything of cosmos to one single origin began with Thales. Thales was keen and quite absorbed in finding the origin, i.e, first principle (primary principle) of earth and it is referred to as arché. Aristotle strongly asserts in his writing that “Thales says water is nature of all matter”. The way he asserts with conviction only affirms that he had direct records or even Thales’s writings at his disposal. 

Aristotle proposes a few possibilities of how Thales might have arrived at that conclusion. Most obvious thing is that Miletus was a port city and Thales was known for travelling, helping the travelers navigate along the Ursa Minor (constellation). He also used to calculate and suggest modifications for ships. He was very familiar and around water bodies. And he saw floating islands and metals turning into liquid after heating. Aristotle suggests that Thales must have observed that everything can be turned into ‘moist’ and records that everything did originate from moist.

Thales might have thought that if everything can be turned into moist, then everything must definitely be having qualities of moist, i.e, water. But again, these are just some possibilities Aristotle suggests and he doesn’t use assertions now. He only uses conditional assertions as he himself is just brainstorming different possibilities of Thales coming up with arché by understanding Thales’s life and biography.

Thales’s god

There are notions that say Thales values water because of early religious tradition of Poseidon, but there is no such mention of theology in any of Thales theories and it is erroneous to suggest that Thales would be suddenly mentioning gods. Thales did say or at least many say Thales said “All things are full of gods”. From this we can say that Thales was a Hylozoist (one who thinks all matter is alive). But again, if Thales was suggesting divinity, it would have been some early conceptions of soul or force, but definitely not of god.

We can say that with confidence because not only Aristotle but any other accounts of Thales agree with the fact that he ignored the greek traditions. During Thales’s period, if he had been a traveller and an avid learner, it is obvious that he is familiar with Homer and the Trojan war. It was a period where no-one had the capability to think beyond the supernatural explanations. There was no necessity to explain in a materialistic way. 

He not only never mentioned gods, but he replaced all the godly theories with his hypothesis. This is where natural philosophy stood out from traditional theology. Aristotle attributes soul to Thales. Thales must have seen some attribution, some live in all beings by observing magnets moving towards metals. He must have thus thought as objects are related to each other in somehow, even inmate objects should have soul (or) can say life.

More Thales’s contributions

Astronomical contributions:

It is a recorded and verified claim that Thales predicted a total eclipse with accuracy. It is said that Thales learned this stuff from the Babylonians and Egyptians but they didn’t predict solar eclipses perfectly. Their solar and lunar cycles had some missing days and hours and were always a bit inaccurate. There is an astronomical and scientific finding that there indeed was a total lunar eclipse on 4th of May, 585 B.C.E.

As Thales lived near Mount Mycale, he had the privilege and interest to observe the sun throughout the day and for many days and weeks. It is said that Thales is so invested in looking at the sky and the stars that he once fell into a well looking at the sky while walking. So, it is understandable that Thales observed and recorded the duration of sun, movement and orbit throughout the year. He was the first one to observe and record solstices (tilt in earth’s axis of rotation while revolving around the sun).

As someone who is aware of solstices, it is obvious that Thales might have recorded seasons as he already was aware of earth’s rotation and revolution. It is most probable that he dived the seasons into 365 days as he was known to use mathematics and calculations. He is also said to measure the diameter of the sun and use the same formula to measure the diameter of the moon just by observing them. This measurement began with him measuring pyramids by the shadow cast on the land. He discovered the constellation of Ursa Minor and observed that it is best to navigate through the Ursa Minor to have safe and fast navigations. 

Mathematical contributions:

Thales measured circles and is accredited with two theorems of circles that are still relevant. Thales was recorded using this theorem to measure any circle, and this presents an understanding that Thales considered the sun to be a perfect circle; the moon and even the earth too. Thales notes that points A,B,C lie on a circle and if the AC are the diameter of a circle, then the angle of ABC must be a right angle and the ABC be a right angled triangle. 

The terminology is modern but the method and theorem that Thales used can be summed up as this in the modern mathematical terms. Thales is not only called the father of philosophy and science, but also the father of mathematics. His mathematical conjecture was later followed by Pythogoras (this is debatable but as per the evidence now, it can be most probable).  As said earlier, Thales also used his mathematical ideas and theories to suggest modifications to ships and make them flow.

Other contributions:

Observing floating islands, Thales proposed that Earth is actually floating on water. It is just an assumption that he must have observed the floating islands, because historically, it was most possible that he might have encountered them on his travels for trades. As discussed earlier, he broke the homerian belief that gods cause earthquakes. Perhaps no one else has ever tried to think of a logical explanation for earthquakes. His theory comes from floating earth theory. As the earth is floating on water, the tensions in water and heavy turbulence created earthquakes, he proposed.

It is said that Thales helped the army of Croseus to cross the river Halys. The river was strong and harsh and Thales suggested the army dig a canal behind the river, joining it  so that half of the stream gets diverted and the water gets less forceful. Well, this is still an unproved claim, but as the origin of bridges is still debatable for Thales’s time period, it is most likely that it is true as it was called battle of the eclipse and it was the eclipse that he predicted.

It is also said that Thales is good at trading and it is the earliest account of Monopoly that Thales has shown in his trading skills. Knowing about the upcoming olive oil need, Thales was said to take loans and buy all the olive presses available. When the time finally came, people had but nowhere to go for the olive oil. They had to rent and use Thales’s olive press. Aristotle notes that this is one of the earliest accounts of monopoly in business.

Wrapping up

Thales of Miletus, the myth-breaker, Ionian sage, has envisaged logical thinking and fathered many of the studies which now modern education took quite forward. All the scientific advancement began by this Ionian, who just looked at water, and kept on thinking in a natural and most material way. Most of the stories are put aside, as idolisation and fanaticism creates misleading accounts. Discussing origins of philosophy doesn’t go without the mention of calling Thales as one of the seven great sages, but that title is nowhere relevant to philosophy.

Many fans and idolisers of Thales have made him god-like, by saying he got the ideas by seeing though heavenly bodies, having powers, being a sage and many other supernatural things. But regardless of elevating Thales to god, Aristotle, Eudemus, Diogenes Laërtius, Ptolemy and several modern historians, mathematicians and philosophers have constantly been revising and keeping his successful achievements and life intact for the future generations to understand, get inspired and philosophise rationally, naturally and most materialistically.

Writer’s Note

‘Origins of Philosophy’ is a new philosophical treatise that I began as a personal quest of my own. If I could dig up the stuff from various sources, videos, blogs and encyclopedias, research articles and make note of them, write them in an understandable way, I achieve what i seek and at the same time, provide with the same. My personal quest has also been normalizing philosophy, which is either seen as non-understandable nonsense or a privileged person’s mental gratification. I see that learning the origins of philosophy can give us beautiful insights on how, what, why and when of Philosophy. Do not hesitate to comment if you have a feedback in your mind. Do follow the page if interested in keeping track with my personal quest of Origins of Philosophy.

*The series, Origins of philosophy will continue till the end of ancient philosophy, i.e, 700 B.C.E – 1000 C.E*

References:

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The Exciting Part Of Love!

People ask what is the exciting part of love?
Is it a feeling that is beyond and above?
What makes it unique and special?
Does it make a person go irrational?

Love is one of the lovely gifts of human evolution,
You don’t need anything extra to join this institution.
Every moment feels like a gorgeous sunrise,
Every minute feels like an awesome surprise.

It makes you feel secure,
It always acts as a cure.
It makes you confident,
It makes you feel sufficient.

You won’t notice the changes in a day,
Every moment feels like Yay!
Every second seems very precious,
Every moment of yours becomes ambitious.

Every hour of your day is the exciting part,
It looks like you are feeling a beautiful piece of art.
You want to share everything with your loved one,
When you are not able to, the sadness is next to none.

Everything feels like it is in the right place,
Every second passing by feels like an embrace.
It is a beautiful feeling that ever exists,
You will know what a genuine smile is.

I always had big dreams on the same,
Love is always in my frame.
It was exciting till I had it,
Then I had an emotional submit.

Nothing hurts more than a love break,
It feels like a huge heartache.
Nothing around you makes sense,
Everything around you feels worse.

You will tend to sit idle and tend to do nothing,
Every second you won’t talk to them feels like a sting.
The feelings hurt and you start overthinking,
Your happiness and smile start shrinking.

The exciting part of love is to feel the essence of it,
It embraces you and makes you commit.
The journey might appear to be futile,
But the destination will always be fruitful.



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The nights are long, everlasting and exhausting

The nights are long,
The days are quick
And the hopes are low.
But the sheets are wet!

The blood just flows,
The smell doesn’t go.
The room is bleeding.
Or is it just me?

The nights are long, yes!
I was just having fun.
Till the sun rose up,
We didn’t set down.

The sky became a fluid,
The ground was its extension.
The air felt light,
And the feet, heavy!

I united with the steering,
It moves as my body moves.
As the speed increases,
I felt like floating.

The breeze touching my cheeks,
Ah! The snowy wind!
I just didn’t want to slow down.
But the day struck hard!

The sun poked my eyes, 
The road went blind.
Something happened,
And it made me fly!

I could feel myself levitating,
The gravity pulling me down,
And I met the ground!
The face grew watery wet!

The lids felt heavy,
I shut my eyes!
And when I opened them,
Everything is white around!

A white sheet, there is someone on it.
The sheet is all growing red.
The blood spreads through whites!
And it looks like me!

Lifeless and immovable I lie,
I kept levitating, gravity isn't there now.
I kept levitating into the space.
Seeing my lifeless body.

The people around it, crying.
I don't feel sad, I'm numb.
I'm fading away; dissolving.
I can feel myself vanishing.

My thoughts, my regrets,
My life and my memories,
Everything fading away.
I am not gonna be soon.

My quite forgiving,
Not so forgetful mind;
Kept on forgetting everything, ever.
I'm disintegrating, I'm levitating into the void.

I can see myself cancelling,
Fading into nothing.
My existence is getting reduced,
To nothing itself.

One moment, I'm here
The other, I'm losing.
The nights are long and fun.
But the cost of it? Nothing.

Just some vacuum around me,
Some pressuring forces,
Crushing me from all sides,
I have existed. Now, don't exi...

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Loosen up a bit in the ocean’s breeze

How is your day?” That simple question made her speechless. She wasn’t prepared for it. It’s silly how she can do everything for others and can read people’s needs before they even say it out loud yet she is clueless when it comes to her. She thought for a bit and said “it’s good. Thank you.” Rajan smiled and asked “Good to hear. How did you spend your day?” “Oh it’s actually very productive. I made my kids their favourite milkshakes, got books for my friend, helped the neighbour  with his boxes and stuff, got new glasses for my mom….” . “No Bhavana” Rajan cut her off and continued “I meant what did you do for yourself. You know ‘me time’, it’s your birthday after all, loosen up, hello?.”

Bhavana looked at him with puzzled expression and started laughing as he said something hilarious. “Haha you know I am a 45 years old woman with two kids right? Why would I celebrate my birthday like a kid?” Rajan studied her face, he saw a bit of pain in her smile. It stung him. “You are as clueless as when we were in school. Who told you to celebrate like a kid? Celebrate like an adult, silly!” He said it as he poked her head gently. “Ouch! Don’t be silly. You know I never celebrated anything in my life. It’s just how it is. It’s my kids turn now. I would rather be happy seeing them enjoy their lives than wasting things up on me.”

Rajan took a deep breath and asked “cigarette?” Bhavana looked at it with a spark in her eyes for a second then hesitated “No thankyou. As I said I am not a kid anymore. These aren’t for me.” Rajan took a puff “it’s never bad to loosen up a bit. Cheat day is for everyone in everything.”

Bhavana is staring at the beach. She doesn’t know what she’s doing here with her long lost best friend on her birthday instead of doing chores and fulfilling her roles at home but she does know she is feeling a bit uncomfortable and guilty because of it and she doesn’t know why.

Rajan tapped on her shoulder and said “earth to Bhavana! You zone out when you hate listening to something. I am sorry for making you uncomfortable but you don’t have to do things just because I told you to. Chill.”

Bhavana took the cigar from him and took a puff. She smiled genuinely and realised why she is feeling guilty and uncomfortable because she isn’t used to feeling happy for herself. After a long time she did a thing for herself without any reason.

“Loosen up a bit huh?” She looked at him and continued “I should do this more often. How about an adult party?” Rajan grinned and said “more cigarettes then.” Bhavana said “nope.” Rajan pouted “alright what about 4 cigars? “Absolutely not. I will cook and you clean that’s the party.” She said with a straight face. “Do I have to sign for your package of cleaning and hanging out with your kids just to party with you? He pouted.”Do you have any problem with that?” Bhavan said while getting up. “Nope, but about that cigarette-”  a smile curled up on her mouth she cut him off and said “shut up and walk me home.”

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Outburst Of Emotions and Uncontrollable Tears.

I would always hear people saying phrases like “outburst of emotions”, “unable to control emotions” so on and so forth. I thought this is silly and boy was I wrong!

It is the spring season in 1996, I was born to a couple in a small town. Both of my parents suffered from substance abuse. They would do anything to get drugs in their hand.

They sold almost everything in the house to get that high. We didn’t even have food to eat once a day. I used to lick the plates, my competitors would usually be roaches.

I got habituated to such life. My parents forced me to beg for food. I used to wander the streets begging for food. The food I got by begging is usually stolen by my parents.

Even then I had no outburst of emotions. It might be the environment I grew up in, but I didn’t feel something was wrong. I have always had this passion to study in life.

Years passed and I’m now 6 years old. My parents sold the house as they had many debts around the town. They cleared the debts and we moved to a rented home.

I thought they will finally give up on drugs and we would have a happy life. How stupid of me to think like that? Few days passed and my parents started taking drugs again.

After few days, we are out of money completely and my begging is not enough to support them. My parents did what any abuser would do. They sold me in human trafficking.

They told me that I need not beg, I can play with other kids and have a good time and I was glad to hear that. Some guys came and took me away from my parents.

I felt a bit bad no outburst of emotions, I knew I was gonna miss my parents. After ten to fifteen minutes, I stopped feeling sad. They took me to a huge house.

I entered the house and saw many of the people there around my age. There are girls, boys everyone just walking around the house. One individual came down the stairs and saw me.

This individual looked me in the eyes and sighed to take me in. They took me into a room and said this is where I will stay. They have also asked me not to lock the door from inside.

An hour passed by, and some guy came into the room. He is not walking in a straight line and is smelling very bad. He saw me, gave an evil smile and started walking towards me.

I was scared and starting walking back. This guy came rushing and caught me and thrown me into the bed. He fell on me and started tearing my clothes.

I started screaming and it looks like no ears can hear my cry. He has torn all my clothes and he started removing his clothes. I tried to run away, but he slapped me.

The slap was so hard that I fell on the ground unconscious. I woke up after some time and I see that the guy who did this to me is sleeping right next to me.

I have no clothes on my body and I’m bleeding below my waist. The pain is unbearable and I’m not feeling my legs. I’m trying very hard to move away from this monster.

At this point, I still don’t have an outburst of emotions, but tears were rolling out. At the age where a child cant even identify an emotion, I experienced the most realistic sadness.

This happened to me for the next 12 years. All of us in this building are raped or abused at least twice a day. After 12 years of abuse, we finally managed to escape that hell.

Government of the state ordered to search the house for any illegal activity. They searched and found this and arrested all of them. We are released and asked to live a good life.

In these twelve years, I have got some contacts. A man promised to give me a job if I managed to escape this hell. I went to meet him and he fulfilled his promise.

He gave me a job and I need to find a location to stay. I found a local listing that said roommate needed and I called the number and they have asked to come and visit the house.

I went to visit the house and the location is delightful and I knocked on the door and an individual opened the door. They greeted me very warmly and showed me the house.

I liked the house and decided to take it. I decided to move on the next Sunday and I informed the same. They agreed and took my details. The rent is also very affordable.

I moved into the house, the individual prepared lunch for me. I moved my items into the room and sat down for lunch. We had a conversation and here is how it went.

Me: Thanks for lunch, may I know your name?

Them: No problem at all, of course, you can, it is Alex.

Me: Nice name and the food is delicious.

Alex: Thank you! I even have cheesecake as a dessert, let me get it.

This feels different as I never experienced this kind of care from anyone and had different feelings running in my mind, not an outburst of emotions but it feels good to see this change in me.

I unboxed everything and organised my room. We had a lovely dinner at night and went to bed. Everything that happened with me just played in front of my eyes.

I couldn’t control my tears and wept very badly. After some time, I went to sleep. I woke up the next day, made some coffee, got ready and started to the office.

I came home for lunch and Alex has already made lunch. We sat down for lunch and started talking.

Alex: So how was your day?

Me:  It is good, I like my new job.

Alex: Glad to hear that! Hey, can I ask you something?

Me: Sure, what’s up?

Alex: Did you cry last night?

I was in shock, on how could Alex know. I set my tone and in a low voice, I said.

Me: N….no.

Alex: But the sheets are wet and wet sheets don’t lie.

They came near me, took my hand and said.

Alex: Just tell me what happened, I’m here to listen.

I couldn’t control my tears or outburst of emotions. I hugged Alex and told them everything. That felt very good. If this is how an outburst of emotions feels, I would have done this long ago.

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Emotions of the baboon and its pat on the back

She left. I am standing there at the railway station. I feel like running behind the train like in the films, but that would be dumb, I guess. Ah! I should just shut the fuck up and move already but I’m just looking at the moving train. What am I expecting? Are these my emotions speaking? I don’t know. Do I want her to cinematically bend form the door and wave her hand? How foolish of me. But I don’t know, it would have felt good.

I started walking out but everything felt new. I don’t even know what’s missing. But again, I guess I want to be sad because she went away. Or am I really sad? Am I sad because I know that I should be, or am I naturally sad? It’s too hard to distinguish what comes naturally and what you bring on to yourself through observations. But can one manipulate emotions easily? Why am I even thinking this nonsense!

I held to this bus and hopped on it as I am going home. And everything is peaceful and calm because the bus is not crowded. And I began diverting myself as I seemed to be drifting along the lines of overthinking. I’m a human; a body. A mere body. I shouldn’t be giving myself up to the emotions. Because I should be reasonable. What good gives emotions? Can emotions exist without reason? Look at how dumb I was at the station, I almost cried. Emotions are dumb.

Something is distracting me and bringing me back to this world, from the world of my thoughts. Because of the whistle of the bus conductor. He somehow feels like a circus master, the passengers should dance along with his whistle. Isn’t it odd to have a conductor who checks the conduct of passengers in a bus? Can’t people behave themselves? Does he have to whistle and tell people to not stand at doors and behave in a civic manner? What are we, apes?

As I thought about apes, the ape arrives bold and most beautiful. It jumped onboard from the road. The bus is so fast and it is humanly impossible to do such a stunt. He does look like an ape too. Like a baboon that finds a banana, he looks proud for pulling such a brainless stunt. “Are you mad?” shouts the conductor and I see the baboon smiling. “Kickk” he replied and it blew my mind. He did that just to feel the kick of it!

How brainless! How uncivilised! Is this how people who just blindly follow their emotions appear? Like apes? I’m an ape too, we all are apes, but we moved away from being ape. You can not be looking like a human and behave like a monkey at the same time. As I was thinking about how dumb this ape is, it was wiping its nose using its shirt. I am disgusted at the very sight of this unhygienic stunt-freak baboon.

He smiles and looks at the girl sitting opposite to him. The seats are empty, but he won’t sit. He stands at the door, and smiles at the girl straight. Because of course, he does whatever he feels like doing. And he doesn’t give a thought about it. What if I was the girl’s family? What if I kicked him in the nuts as a result of his behavior? He doesn’t think about that probability. Because again, he just does what he wishes; a slave to his emotions. And he doesn’t control them. 

Why should we control them, as a matter of fact? I’m lost. Is he happier than me because I don’t see him being guilty for drooling over a girl publicly. He isn’t bothered about how the girl feels about him. This two minute creeping gives him pleasure. He is obviously a creep, but a creep is happier than me. Does that mean I’m sad? Am I sad? I’m not, I have everything with me. I control myself!

I decide how my mind emotes. And I don’t let my emotions ride me and that makes me superior to this sweating baboon drooling over random girls. He doesn’t even care if he finds her pretty or not. I guess by his looks and behavior that he looks at every girl in the same way. He just drools over the entire gender regardless of their age or preference or looks. The extremely cis-baboon that wants what it wants and takes what it takes. 

How do people express their emotions openly like that? I would never be the baboon. Because I have good control on myself. And I have been there; I once was a person who just did what my heart advised. No fucks given to the consequences, a slave to my emotions. I wouldn’t lie, it was exciting to live that way. But that’s not civic! If my actions destroy or harm someone else’s harmony even involuntarily, that’s something I can’t accept.

I have to worry about the consequences. I just have to because we should be self-aware, or what’s the purpose of living together as a society? The vibrating phone distracts me again. It’s her! I’m excited once again, I picked the call up. I killed my excitement. “Everything’s fine?” I asked. I’m waiting for her reply, she is silent. “Are you ok?” she asks. I don’t know why she asked that. Those words started doing something in my mind.

Am I okay? Weird! “What do you mean?” I asked. “Are you crying?” she asked. My throat suddenly feels heavy, I am unable to speak because of what I heard. There is a tremble in my voice, I’m unable to find words to speak. I don’t know what’s happening to me! “I’ll call you when I get home” I said forcefully and cut the call. The block in my throat started growing intensely. Something is happening right in the middle of my chest. It feels sharp and uncontrollable. My vision is growing blurry; my eyes watery. Fuck!

Am I crying? The water kept growing and the excess drop started coming out of the eye as there was no place left in my eye to hold them. Yeah, I’m crying. I’m trying to close my lids. I closed them hard, shut them! I put my both hands over my eyes, pushed my eyes so hard trying to stop crying. Don’t cry! Please! Are you crying for the sake of it? Do you really miss her? Or are you crying because you have to? You fucking idiot! You complicated piece of junk!

Suddenly a hand fell on my head and I looked at the man with my semi-teary eyes. It was the baboon. He is patting my head and moves to sit beside me. I closed my eyes again with my arms. The baboon didn’t ask me anything. Maybe it’s just because I’m a girl, but either way his touch didn’t feel bad. He kept patting and he never spoke a word. And as a result of it I felt good and I cried!

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A Bittersweet Heart

Alarm rang at 12:00 AM I woke up and saw myself in the mirror curiously. For my disappointment, I don’t see any difference at all. I look the same as ever. Why does everyone make a big deal when they turn 18 then? I don’t get the hype. Tears started flowing like there was some leakage in my eyes. I cursed myself and tried to stop them but only vain.

Birthdays are supposed to be fun right? Then why do I feel terrible? I don’t know what it is…. but I do know something sucks! I took out my diary and started writing with a heavy heart. And I have to let this unknown misery off my chest. As I started to remember my shitty life, the letters in my diary felt as if I was giving my nightmares shape and I went on and on…..

To my past self,

It’s your 18th birthday today. Because of you, I feel like everything sucks so I want to confront you now.

What sucks is to be not aware of your own trauma. When you come to realize what is actually happening to you it becomes too late whether it’s you being a kid and wondering “idk why I cry when that uncle comes near me” or your 15 year old wondering “maybe I am just in a sad phase it will go away.”

What sucks is trying to see the bright side in every situation whether it is “I don’t have lunch to eat but at least I get to drink cold water in school” or “what if I don’t have normal life like my age people, at least I can watch whatever movie or read whatever book I want and think myself as the protagonist and can live different cool lives.”

What sucks is being in denial whether it’s “I don’t think I am angry at anyone. I think I am hurt. I should get a grip on my emotions and stop being cry baby” or “I don’t think I am depressed I should get a grip on my emotions and stop being cry baby”

What sucks is being too self-aware. What sucks is taking yourself for granted, what sucks is putting others first in the fear of loneliness while still being lonely.

And what also sucks is in all of this different shit is the common outcome; your suffering.

You thought you are mature, kind and good but you are an immature monster who wasn’t kind to yourself, you didn’t stand up for yourself whenever you needed.

You couldn’t understand the difference between:

Kindness and coward-ness

Denial and positive attitude

Bearing and ignorance

You failed to see the thin line between them.

What sucks is you blaming shit on life and beautifully lying “life sucks” in the desperate need of self-pity and covering the truth in fact you, who suck at life. What sucks is you for being physically and mentally abusive to yourself.

When did you genuinely have yourself a kind smile? When did you tell yourself after sucking at something so many times “it’s OK there is always next time” when you needed to hear it so bad? And when didn’t you hit yourself or scar yourself every time you got anxious to make it stop in fact low-key you knew all you needed is one hug and a bit of kindness? How could you hate yourself this much?

Now look at you, at your breaking point. Weak af physically, mentally, emotionally.

No clue what to do with this body. self-punish every day and night with all kinds of health issues. Well deserved.

But I can’t deny the fact that you are me. So as a birthday gift, I am forgiving myself. I will try to be kind to myself, I will try to learn saying no, I will try to stand up for myself, I will try not to hesitate asking for help, I will try not to push people away, I will try to go easy on myself, I will smile at myself, I will try to adore myself, I won’t be abusive to myself and most importantly from this moment I will try to be proud of myself whenever I take a baby step.

   With love and smile~ your 18 years old self.

With that I made peace and closed my diary. Now I looked at myself in the mirror again. Fuck I still look as shitty as ever but I don’t feel shitty anymore. Guess that’s the difference I was looking for. I better dress up tomorrow and treat myself to a meal. It’s my 18th birthday after all. With a light heart and stupid smile I fell asleep.

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Existential Dread, Annihilation Of The Self.

“Existential dread is a state in which in individual questions existence, meaning, purpose and almost everything about life in a cynical way.” This is a random post I read scrolling through Facebook.

I was confused on why would this happen. Why would people get crisis on existing? Soon the confusion turned into curiosity and I want to know about this. I googled it but the results are a bit confusing.

So I messaged my friend, of course, you guessed it, John. So here is how the conversation goes.

Me: Hey John! My man! How are you?

John: Hey, I’m good, how about you?

Me: I’m good, so I saw this term called “existential dread”. What does it mean?

If you remember, John has a habit of texting back late when asked something important. After a couple of hours, I got a text back from him.

John: Why do you want to know that? 

Me: I just read it on Facebook and want to know more about the same.

John: Okay, before we dig deep, you need to know a term called “existentialism” and “existential crisis.”

Existentialism:

In simple words, it is is a philosophy that stresses the importance of human experience, and says that everyone is responsible for the results of their actions.

Existential Crisis:

In simple words, an existential crisis leads to a time of deep questioning within oneself. This normally associates with how someone sees themselves and their meaning within the world.

John: Existential dread and existential crises are technically the same. If we push, we can say that the dread is the next stage of the crisis.

Me: I get that, but why does anyone question their existence and feel bad about it? 

John: If we talk scientifically, it may trigger when there is a trauma, death of loved ones, major loss, substance abuse etc., But on a philosophical level it is on a different note.

Me: Okay, can you elaborate on that?

John: Sure, from the philosophical standpoint, the burden of existence is the cause of the crisis.

Me: What? It doesn’t make sense. I mean how is existence a burden? We all exist and that is a fact. I don’t get it.

John: It is very simple, the existence of an individual is not a choice. All life and existence are random. So you really don’t have a choice of existing.

Me: I get that, but life is what it is. Adding to what you said, you cannot really choose to exist or not. So why feel sad about it?

John: That is exactly the issue. Life is what it is which is an unavoidable thing.,. Some people choose not to exist yet they do. As there is a famous saying “Life is not a bed of roses.”

Me: Okay, I get the premise of the existential dread. How bad can it be? You might feel bad for some time and move on right?

John: It is one of the worst things to hit you. It is almost a mental suicide. If a person is hit by it, they lose interest in almost anything and just become a deactivated robot.

Me: I don’t believe it. How extreme will it be?

John: Any individual suffering from the dread will be in a very bizarre position. As I said, they have zero interest in doing almost everything, the consequences are overthinking, less expressive, not able to focus etc.,

According to some studies, these can lead to some mental illnesses like depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety etc., It not only affects you mentally but also physically as you are not able to focus.

Me: Oh man! That is very bad than it sounds. What would a day look like for the person who is hit by existential dread?

John: I can talk from a personal point of view. For instance, If I have a knife in my hand, I want to just want to cut my hand and see how the blood would ooze out. Even by thinking about this, I wouldn’t flinch.

If I’m on the roof of a building, I would imagine if I would jump, how would my head burst when it’s hit the ground, how would the blood splatter all over and things like this.

These are not suicidal tendencies but complications of overthinking on the burden of existence. I would just sit in a dark room staring and thinking or would be in the shower for hours doing nothing. 

It is like a man who is emotionally dead, with an expressionless face just walking around. Everything around me eventually stops making sense doesn’t make any sense no matter what. It feels very weird.

Me: Man this sound awful! Is there no other way to divert from this existential dread?

John: There is one amazing quote I read somewhere it says “The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn’t a search for meaning. It’s to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you’ll be dead.”

If we just keep ourselves busy with any unimportant shit, we can eventually come out or avoid the existential dread.

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Worthless words and unheard chirps

“Say something chirpie, pleaseeee anything!” Anirudh said hopefully. He is a 6 year old little boy who is enthusiastic all the time for no reason. Once I was like that too but look what it has done to me. But that “something” hits me so hard. It’s been a while since someone asked me to say something I wish. I am silent as usual, after a while he is gone with a long face. I don’t know why he tries to make me talk this much. It’s so annoying. I drifted into sleep so I feel less horrible. 

*Six months ago* 

“Hey what are you doing red? I am waiting for you at home so we can go together to get some guavas, I can’t wait to taste the sweetness again,” said Pat drooling over his imagination. “I am bored of just eating. Why don’t we learn new words so we can express ourselves better?” I asked curiously.

‌”Why can’t you behave like a normal bird? I don’t know what you wanna express anything with new words. What we know is enough to express. Besides you have me. I will listen to whatever you say and I will understand and I know you will do the same for me. Isn’t it enough for you?” said Pat cheerfully.

“Ugh I know you would never understand. You say you understand me but all I see is you refusing to learn things. You are lazy and unenthusiastic. I wish I had friends who are like me and I will find them.” I flew away frustrated.

I could hear Pat trying to stop me. But I was too fast. I love my friend but he is just a normal bird who only talks about eating fruits and spending a jolly good time. I don’t like it. And I don’t agree with him about whatever words we know are enough. Words are very important to express and I will find someone like me. I got tired after reaching the city so I found a small empty spot for me to rest. After some time I felt a pat, I opened my eyes and saw a man. He offered me water and I said, “thank you.”

The man’s eyes became wide after I spoke. Guess it isn’t everyday they see a civilized and intelligent bird like me who knows a lot of words. “Wow you are talking, you will be very useful for me. As I gave you water, you owe me one lil birdy.” He then took me into his hands and put me in a cage. I was too shocked to fly away. It was too late but I thought that maybe it’s for my own good. I was tired of flying anyway. Humans know a lot of words they can teach me and I will find people who are intelligent and express things unlike my friend. 

It had been a week since the man sold me to what they call a zoo. There were so many wild animals around me. It felt somewhat like home. People came to see me while I talked. They all were loving me for my intelligence. I picked on so many words and was able to say them too. It was time to go back to my stupid best friend Pat and prove him why I was right. It had been 4 months. I missed that idiot and his senseless blabbering.

It was evening when the owner came to give me snacks. I asked him to let me go as I was done with the work I came for. He chuckled and said, “you are one funny bird. Eat your snack and be a good boy.” Then he was gone. I felt the panic and uneasiness. They are going to keep me here against my will. I thought when I expressed myself with better words they would let me go but this guy wasn’t taking me seriously at all. I didn’t want to be in this cage. It was not at all delightful. I stayed just to learn, now I am bored.

 I kept asking everyone to let me go in the hope that someone will understand me. But no one did. Some people got tired of me. And Some people got angry because I wasn’t saying what they wanted me to say. Some people got bored and even grew impatient. Even the people who said I am their favorite bird stopped coming because I only talked about what I want or how I felt and it was not entertaining. All I felt was regret. If no one cares or likes what I feel then there is no point in talking. So I stopped completely. 

Another month passed and a little boy with his dad came to buy me. The owner said that I was useless because I didn’t talk anymore. They can buy some other bird which says a few words. But the little boy insisted on buying me. So then I got caged in a new cage. Nothing different. The boy asked me to say something daily but I didn’t. It became a boring routine now.

*Present day*

words of white bird perched on cage
Photo by Oli Sumit on Pexels.com

I wake up from my nap. There is a guava placed in front of me. Damn I miss Pat. I don’t remember since when his blabbering started to make sense to me. He said, “whatever you say with your words I will understand.” If only I wasn’t too arrogant. If only I appreciated his friendship. If only I knew you don’t need better words to express to someone who cares enough to listen. And if only I can see him again…..

 “Did you eat your guava chirpie? I got for you specially from that scary uncle’s garden. I ran so fast he couldn’t catch me.” Anirudh laughs and says proudly. “How is it?” He asks me with his curious eyes. I replied, “sweet.” He grinned at me and said, “thought so! I will get you another one tomorrow,” and with that he leaves. For some reason, I feel like talking again. Maybe I will if he wants to listen to whatever I say.

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Writing 101 : the beginning, middle and the end!

What’s writing? Looking at it deeply, writing is translating thoughts into words. Fitting these words, framing them into something that exactly means what your mind imagines, is exactly what writing it! Be it a tweet, a Facebook post, a script or a tagline, it is useless if it doesn’t translate your thoughts. But are there any ways to make this translation beautiful and understandable exactly as meant?

Fundamental Form of any writing: 

That is why we need to understand how to write. Let’s not discuss what type of content we are writing about, because if we get to specifics, we cannot formulate writing at all. The simple and basic form for any writing is to have three parts in the body. An introduction, body and the conclusion. This is as simple as any writing in the world goes.

Introduction

Now you can add whatever you want, headers, headings, footers, or even dissect an article into multiple topics, but, there is always a beginning, a middle and the end. The introduction, or the beginning is something that makes you explain to the reader what the body of the text is going to be. You bring your readers to familiar grounds, make them understand what is the context here. 

For scholarly articles, there is an abstract you write as a summary or a brief wording to make every reader understand the entire context. But in an introduction you don’t need to brief what you are going to write, but just begin it with the existing world, the familiar ground and then lift it to the unknown world, or the actual thought of your mind.

Body

Middle part is the most necessary part for writing. If you mess up the middle part, there is no understanding at all. The entire matter becomes irrelevant. Make sure that you slowly shift from the introduction to the actual matter that you want to write. And you need to do that in a very smooth way that the level of understanding shouldn’t be jerked or spiked anywhere. 

The middle part is the space for you to explore and make sure that your thoughts are put in the right words. Now what are these right words and wrong words? The thing is, language allows misunderstandings and misinterpretations! To avoid misunderstandings, write as objective as possible, avoiding all the ambiguities. 

Ambiguity is something like a vague statement which can mean multiple things. Like if you shouted “Call me a cab” you might be called a cab instead. Ok, that was lame, but that’s how language has gaps for ambiguity and you have to avoid vague statements in all cases. Say you were writing a script and your character scratches his head and grins while touching a scar on his head, it gives a different message.

But if you write the same scene as a character just grinning, you convey less information and the body-language of the character is left for the audience to figure out. Is he standing still and grinning? Is he dancing at the pole and grinning? The specifics! Only specifics help you convey what you want.

Conclusion

The conclusion is necessary unless you aim to continue the write-up sometime else and keep on extending it. Every write-up should be conclusive and this conclusion must be an inference of the introduction and the body. Treat the introduction as one premise and the body as another. Conclusion is something that is related and is inferred through the two premises.

If the conclusion is not in the premises and goes way beyond the premise, stating something else, it is an inconclusive write-up. The reader will not understand your write-up if it doesn’t explain what the middle part says about. One can safely say that without a conclusion, i.e, an expression of the matter (middle), body and introduction become useless.

Wrap up

Sometimes, you are bound with words, like a technical article or just a tweet. Then you have to understand that you can not take much time to establish your context in the beginning, explain it in the middle and conclude by ending it without ambiguity. All you have to do is make use of your words carefully. 

When you have to tweet only a specific number of characters, each word should convey more information and on the whole, even being fewer words, it should convey as much as a full article or whatever your thought is. If it is a script, you can leave ambiguities wantedly if you want the director to figure it out showing them visually.

But if your writing is for the common readers to understand your thoughts as you write them and not as some visual, you definitely need to follow this form. This form is not a rule, but it is a mere tenet that eerie writing must adhere to. Even if you discredit it, you will still be following the form involuntarily. 

There is always a beginning, a middle and an end in every form of content. That is exactly why you should be doing it better as it is unavoidable either way.

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Honest Love Recital Of My Heart!

In a world full of fake people using others, I prefer people who are truthful and show honest love. It was a tiresome Friday and I finished my work. 

The weekend is kicking in, not that I have some excitement, but I need not work these two days. You guessed it exactly right! I have very few people that I talk to.

 Every day I work, it feels like Sisyphus rolling the stone to the top of the mountain. It just feels like I’m turning into a programmable robot without me liking it.

As Albert Camus in his book “The Myth of Sisyphus” said, “One must imagine Sisphus happy”. I stopped even imagining to imagine to be happy. It may sound weird but It is what it is.

If you feel like you are in a room, where walls are slowly closing in to crush you, you don’t have a lot of choices, do you? I’m glad that I don’t have any work to do for the next two days. 

I sat on my couch and started browsing through my phone. and opened a dating app and started swiping and messaging people. I know my efficacy that none will reply. 

But it is just an arrow in the darkroom. I got no replies for an hour and I got bored and was about to quit it, then something unique happened. Someone messaged me!

 I couldn’t believe that someone replied to me and took my time and opened the message with utmost curiosity. The name is “Sruthi” and the message was a reply to my earlier text. 

So the conversation goes like this. 

Me: Hie!

Sruthi: Hi

Me: How is your life and how is everything? 

Sruthi: Like everybody else’s. Subject to entropy, decay and eventual death.

That is the most honest answer I have ever heard! I got very intrigued and continued the conversation. We talked our hearts out and is one of the awesome talks I’ve ever had. 

It felt very special like I was dreaming in heaven. Since childhood, I had a fantasy of finding honest love. Liking a person by their personality without any other factors.

I thought this might be a step towards that and went to sleep with a smile on this grumpy face. and was searching for honest love pretty much in all my relations. I got very few in life and I’m excited for this one.

The next day I woke up and the first thing I did is text her. I wanted to talk to her and I’m very excited. We talked for an hour and that is one of the best mornings I ever had.

The weekend came to an end and we talked about a lot of stuff. It is one of the best weekends I ever had. We decided to talk next week as we need to do slavery to capitalism for the next 5 days.

I’m back to the fake reality and boy this sucks. I went to the office the next day. I’m told that there is a debate in the office. We have debates in the office as a fun activity.

It is one of the activity and I like and I decided to join. We started it and was going very good. There is a girl making points in the debate. She is on fire and is eviscerating the opponents. 

I liked it and it was a good hour in the office. I’ve finished my day’s work and headed home. As each minute approaches the weekend, I’m getting a tingly feeling throughout the body.

Maybe this is called “excitement” a feeling I never had for a long time. Finally, the weekend has arrived and inner is me is dancing with excitement. 

I messaged her and started chatting. Back to the best times again, and I’m feeling relieved each and every moment I chat with her. I don’t know much about her, but I adore her personality.

She gave me her other Instagram handle and we started chatting on that. We decided to play truth or dare for some time and here is how it went after some questions.

Me: What if someone proposes to you now?

Sruthi: I don’t know, right now I’m numb and I honestly couldn’t tell anything.

Me: You know why I’m asking this?

Sruthi: I’m getting the hints, but not sure. Do you like me?

Me: Of course I like you, everyone likes you.

Sruthi: Haha, that is good.

****** After sometime ******

Me: Okay, I don’t want to beat around the bush. I wanted to express the feeling of my honest love to you. Now I know what you feel. I might feel sad, but I will definitely move on.

Sruthi: Okay, I get it. Thanks for being honest. 

That is the best reply anyone can give honestly. Now I think about it, it is a good response. Honestly, I don’t even know how to react if some random person would propose to me online.

A couple of months passed by and we are chatting regularly. The more I know about her the more awesome is the personality she had. The best part about her is the honesty. 

On a Friday morning, I went to the office and it is the debate day again. Last time one girl was spitting fire and was making awesome points. I’m looking forward to this one.

The debate started and the girl nailed it again. The way she made her points is impeccable. She encountered all the points and presented them very well. 

After the debate, I went to her and talked to her. Here is how the conversation went.

Me: Hey, you nailed that debate. The points you made were awesome!

She: Thanks man, I liked your points too.

Me: Thanks, what is your name by the way?

She: My name is Rashmika, what is yours?

Me: My name is Munna.

Rashmika: Nice to meet you Munna. I will see you later.

Me: Ya sure bye! Have a good one.

I rushed home after the office as it’s the weekend. I went home freshened up and messaged her. An hour passed and I didn’t get a reply. She might be busy.

After an hour, there is a chime on my phone. It is her message, I’m excited and opened the message. It went like.

Sruthi: Hi!

Me: Hey WhatsUp!

Sruthi: Nothing much, hey I got a question to ask.

Me: Shoot it!

Sruthi: What if I delete this account and never reveal myself?

Me: I will definitely feel sad. But I will appeal to you, not to delete it. 

Sruthi: Hmm, okay can I call you?

Me: Sure, now?

Sruthi: If you are busy I will call later.

Me: No, no. call me. I’m free.

***** Instagram call rings *****

Sruthi: Hi!

Me: Hey!

Sruthi: So, I need to tell you something. We are chatting for a couple of months. But I kinda know you.

Me: I didn’t get you, can you elaborate?

Sruthi: Umm yeah, I’m actually Rashmika from the office.

I was first surprised a bit, but I liked it to be accurate. 

Me: Rashmika? The debate girl?

Sruthi: Yes! I’m sorry if you felt bad.

Me: No no, it is fine. I think it is brilliant and loved it.

Then I had the best phone conversation of my life. We talked about a lot of things and I felt absolutely delighted. This is the best way to know someone’s real character.

I may be acting like I’m a nice guy looking, saying honest love and all that. But without talking to me and knowing my actual character, how can she trust me?

She may or may not accept my honest love motion, but I can say with absolute certainty that I got an awesome friend for this lifetime. It is wonderful! 

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The Inner Demon

It howled at night in the pitch-black jungle.
It wanted to spring upon its prey,
Upon hearing the prayer.
Oh! It was a calling.

It possessed the man to commit the act.
The possession is real, oh, it's true!
The urge is real, the thirst too.
He's a conniving man now!

He turned towards the moon and smiled.
He pulled his claws and wings out,
And flew towards the moon.
Oh, the beast it was.

He got hold of a branch and moved forward;
Branch by branch and tree by tree; 
Moved till the end of the trees.
At the sight of lotus pond.

He stretched to grab the flower he loved.
In the water, when he saw himself.
Astonished, at his reflection.
For the Demon he was.

All along the way, was I always a demon?
Is my bad myself as the good is me?
Am I demon to act the thought?
Is the good thought-not-act?

He growled and cried for his own reflection.
The guilt killed his mind, ah, the tears.
The appearance too; unwatchable!
Turn me back! He growled.

But can he? Or will he change the act done?
The devilish deed and demonish greed.
The wantings of urge and pure need.
Now he is all the demon's feed.

The demon jumped out, sprung out from him.
Left him crying at the pond, laughing hard.
The man on his knees, crying out loud.
But would he know it left?

Would he ever again dare to see in the pond?
Could he ever have a glance at himself?
Will he realise that it was not him?
That it was the demon.

And the demon? Just part of his mind's jungle.
The one that hides and attacks when called.
The actions! It possesses them hard.
The thoughts however, not!

It is the thoughts that call it out to act open.
The man could have controlled the call.
But did he? He gave himself to it.
He sold the soul to the demon.

Now he gets what he asked for, the eternal guilt.
The burden of the thought; that unasked act.
That could have passed away; the thought.
But it did turn into an act.
The unforgettable.
The un-passable.
Quite natural.
But still is,
Not-allowed!
Is never.
No, No.
No.
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The White Rose of Mary Garden

I belong to Mary garden,
The garden of beautiful roses,
Many are red, while one is white,
The red roses thought the white is special,
The white thought she didn't have the colour,
Every time we all grow a flower,
The gardener comes to take us all over,
He took many red, but didn't chose me much,
I thought I was not just upto the mark,
I grew flowers and then they die and fall,
No use of me like all the red flowers,
But fortunately, I was always treated equal,
Gardener loved me, he always kept me special,
I wanted all that red roses had,
Put in the normal ground with all the crowd,
Little did the gardener knew I was lonely,
He always thought I was charmingly lovely,
Neither he allowed anyone to touch me,
Nor he gave me that regular treatment,
For all I knew, I was just getting loner,
A few red roses loved me for my charm,
Then there were many that totally hated me,
I started growing weak with all that in me,
Mentally and physically, I was falling apart,
The gardener tried saving me,
But the poor didn't knew it all,
I am just a plant and I will die like all,
I tried to make flowers but I failed always,
Growing innocent that I will grow one day,
My little red friends also believed in me,
Always pushed me to get that extra mile,
I didn't want to disappoint anyone,
Pushed it harder to every ounce in me,
Unluckily for me, I didn't knew my power,
Either it was a boon or just a ban,
I realised I shouldn't have tried to know it,
When I didn't knew, I was "The White Rose,"
After I know it's all just a prose,
I died in the process just trying to bloom,
Now that I am dead, I can see it clear,
Dumb that I thought, I was the only white,
For now I know we are all coloured different,
Different and Beautiful, all over mesmerizing,
We all be born and die some day,
We all are treated equal and special,
You just need to see world from a different view,
Then you can fly and be out of the blue,
Wait the story isn't over! I did that too,
But how did I die, wasn't I supposed to live,
The red roses as I call them are all alive,
They all saw themselves normal and didn't reinvent,
or I was just a fool to think I could be any different
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Compressed Room, Outburst Of Feelings.

I’m sitting in my small compressed room,
But my thoughts are going like boom.
Scrolling through texts on my phone,
Feeling like I’m in a place I don’t own.

I have a lot of emotions and want to share,
I really doubt that anyone would care.
I feel numb and start thinking of what is next,
After a while, my phone chimes and there is a text.

It’s from a dating app, and I got intrigued,
It is a girl I liked a few days ago and I’m excited.
I opened her and profile and it has no pics,
I gathered the courage to type my first words.

I want to talk to her but have no words,
There is music in my heart instead of beats.
I decided to talk to her by sending a text,
I had no courage and thinking of what to do next.

After some time, I sent her a “hello!” and was very nervous,
She read it, started typing and I got curious.
She sent me a “Hi” and that’s the best feeling ever,
Suddenly the compressed room isn’t gloomy anymore.

We are texting almost every day and it’s awesome,
It feels like my mood suddenly had a happy blossom!
Everything about her was perfect and beautiful,
Every slightest text or update of her was blissful.

She told me I’m the honest guy she ever met,
It felt like I’m looking at a beautiful sunset.
The compressed room now became a colourful one,
My happiness and joy for this are now second to none.

I started developing feelings for her and decided to confess,
I got the fear she might reject and my heart felt a little distress.
I finally gathered the courage to confess to her,
I hoped she would accept and we would be together.

She smiled at my message and replied “YES”,
I fell into a life of never-ending happiness.
I didn’t know how she looks and it doesn’t matter,
She came into my life and made it way better.

We are together and for me, it is a great success,
The compressed room became, a heaven of happiness.

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Take me along, let’s fly away

Take me along with you,
You and I are right here;
Wishing all the luck to me,
Some solace and peace;

I wanna walk by your side,
I am tired of the solitude;
I wanna shed all my tears,
I am tired of my attitude;

Begin to tell me already,
How can you make me sleep;
For I haven't slept in years,
With all burden ingrained deep;

I wanna walk down the lane,
I am tired to be glued;
I wanna drop all the crap,
I am tired of putting myself to feud;

Let me just feel this time,
Can you make it cease;
Is this all just a memory,
You have painted it like a masterpiece!
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Feminism: The Vital Need Of The Hour.

There was a lot of discussion on feminism in the world. Many opinions don’t agree with the basic definition of feminism.

The basic definition of feminism is gender neutrality, irrespective of any gender everyone should have equal rights in everything.

It is okay when people do not know the meaning of any word, or can’t get it they get cranky and go gaga.

They can find the meanings in the dictionary or the Internet and change their opinion, but you know they are strong and will keep the same.

I was researching a lot on patriarchy and feminism for many days. In the past few days, I have been doing more, because I needed answers.

Why are few so-called “men” get trigger by the word feminism? The basic purpose of feminism is gender equality. Why are these people making a big dance on it?

So I got a few answers, let’s discuss them. Let us rely on data, because whether we like it or not data doesn’t lie.

It slaps you in the face with facts. India is the leading country with the most female foeticide cases.

They might come with an argument saying it was in the past, now its all glory and heavenly.

Why don’t we talk 2020 which was a month ago? In 2020, about 4.6 crore females ‘missing’ in India due to son preference: UNFPA report.

NCRB data shows that there is a 7% rise in crimes against women in 2020. These are the stats from by the government officials. The cases that don’t get any limelight are huge.

If we leave India and go to the international level, it the same and it gets worst going forward. Even in other countries, people have no clue on the same.

According to a recent report from WHO, one in three women is subjected to violence in one or the other form.

Sadly most of the women in the world don’t even know that they have basic rights. They still fall to the claws of patriarchy.

They come with statements like “A Women is Innocent until proven guilty, a man is guilty until proven innocent.” or “I think the men that stayed on the Titanic would love the idea of feminism.”

These are the most useless and ironical statements I’ve ever heard. The same patriarchy which these men follow said women are weak, they need protection, men are strong and can do anything.

And the same people come with the statement like women are innocent and why did women go first when Titanic sank. I mean it doesn’t make any sense.

This Patriarchy didn’t even leave the field of science. To put their research forward and get peer-reviewed, many of the female scientists had to put gender-neutral names, just so that their paper gets reviewed.

Women are not asking or don’t need any protection. The mindset of men who cling to patriarchy should change.

They are asking for the rights they already have which patriarchy took away. They don’t need any special rights.

The patriarchy has assaulted almost everything in men and women lives. It gave these so-called men an imaginary power to take control over everything.

Most of the men demand patriarchy as if it’s their birthright. They do all the reckless things to attain the same.

In the end, I want to conclude by saying, these so-called men, oppose feminism or hate it because they don’t know what that means.

I cannot stress this enough, but your inability to understand anything doesn’t make it a valid argument against it.

To read more contemporary issues, click on this link: https://penfluky.home.blog/category/contemporary-issues/

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The secret thought of my heart!

Should I kiss you back or should I not,

Guess this is just a curse, just a wrath;

Should I tell you this or just hold the thought,

Because you and I are made to be apart;

Is this what we call misery, or our fates throwing us dart,

Well, it might be just us again crossing the paths;

Should I wet my lips with you or leave them to rot,

Don’t worry my dear, that’s not your fault;

Wish you could ask me one more time to touch or not,

And I could tell that I miss you and you are too hot;

I laugh at myself about that because I thought I forgot,

For my mind keeps telling me, you are carrying a lot;

Whenever we meet, I can see through your heart,

Is it just me with you or is that my art;

May be I should seal my feelings like a clot,

Darling, you and I are made to be apart!

Read more such stories and poetry on https://penfluky.home.blog/category/stories/

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Story Not For The Light-Hearted, The Reality.

” I did it! I finally did it! Everyone thought this is some fairy tale story! But I did it! I cannot believe I did this!

I’m going to call my friend and tell him this. He might not believe me, but this is crazy! I just can’t believe it!

Hey Harris! Mark here, I finally did it! I’m successful in creating the machine! My dream has come true! I’m very excited about this!”

“Congratulations Mark! Your struggle has finally paid off! I’m very happy for you! What are the next steps that you have to do to move forward?”

“Testing man, getting more people to volunteer for this. Conducting trials and collecting the data and if everything checks out, expecting a nobel lol.”

“That is awesome my man! I cannot say how happy I’m for you! World betterment is the next stop! I’m here for you if you need anything.”

“I know Harris! I know it! Thanks for always being there bud! I will meet and talk to you soon. Take care my man.”

“Yo Mark, I will see you soon. Let’s drink a beer together next time we meet! Once again congrats and all the best, talk later bud!”

Call ends

“It is always awesome to talk to my brother man! I think even I don’t believe in me that much than him. Should find volunteers and get going.

“I will give an advertisement tomorrow in media for volunteers and hope I get a few people or at least one. Should give an attractive advertisement.

“Here is the advertisement: Wanna know if people really trust you? And everything you say? If you are curious get in touch with me!

“Looks nice! I’m gonna post it and see what happens. Well its been a long day, I will sleep for some time and hope to see everything works.

Next Day

“That was a good sleep! Let’s see if I got any volunteers. I hope at least I got one. Let us see………… here we goo…..

“Well, this sucks! I got zero replies from the people. People rush you all the useless and imaginary things but for science and development.

“What can I do other than wait. I will continue with the day and hope someone replies to me. Man understanding people is tough!

In the evening

“Let’s see if I got any replies about the advertisement. I hope there is someone out there who trusts in science. Here we go……

“Wow! I got a reply! Yes to the sciences. Let’s see who is this wonderful human being. Ah! looks like a man, anyone’s fine. Let us see what he says.

“What the…..! His message says wanna invest in bitcoin and want to turn $500 investment into $5000? Message to find out more.

“These scammers! I wonder how many people fall into this. I sometimes feel bad for people who fall into these scams. Well, I will check tomorrow.

Next Day

“Let’s see….. yay I got a genuine reply! This guys name is Morris. He wants to participate in this and he is from this city, Niicee…

“I will message him and get in touch with him and I hope I don’t blow this up and I really hope he accepts to volunteer for my study.

” I just sent him a message and I hope he accepts and meets me. Everything starts with a single step and I hope this step is a success.

“Wow, he accepted my request for the study and gave me his contact number. This is an awesome start for this wonderful story so far.

“Hey, Morris! This is Mark, the one who asked you about the study. Thanks for accepting. Are you free tomorrow to meet?”

“Hey, Mark! No problem, I’m always in to promote science. Yes, I’m free tomorrow to meet you. Shall we meet for lunch?

“Sure Morris, I will text you the location to meet. We shall meet for lunch and I will explain the procedure. See you soon. Take care!

Call ends

“Well, the story just got very interesting. I’m beyond pumped! I can’t wait to meet this gentleman and start my experiment.

Next Day

“Hey Morris, thanks for meeting with me. So will keep it simple. I suppose you have read the description of the advertisement right?”

“Hi Mark, Yes I have read it. It is very interesting. I just want to see science has come to a stage to see if people believed what I say.”

“I’m beyond happy that a young man like you is interested in science and I’m pretty sure if I tell you the procedure you will more thrilled.”

“I’m excited and all ears Mark! Hit me with it.

“At first I have two pills. Both with different functionalities. One of the pills is I need you to take before telling the news to the person.

“This enables you to tell the truth. I want the news you tell to be honest and not to fake or play with peoples feelings.

“The second pill is for them. After they take the pill it takes 24 hours to activate. After that, you can tell them the news and it captures actual reaction.

“So you need to take the pill after the next day after they take it and just before you tell the news. I hope you are following my story.”

“Yes, Mark I followed that train of thought and I completely get it. Just one question, where are the results captured for this?”

” I have a Virtual Reality kind of headset that gives the data right to you so that there will be privacy. I just formulate it and give the details.”

“Interesting Mark very interesting. I’m in on this. I will give the pills today and call them by taking my pill right in front of you tomorrow. “

“Wonderful! Here are three pills to give to others and I have your pill. I can give you your pill when we meet tomorrow at my office. Take care man!”

Next Day

“Hey Morris, so you are here. Did you give your friends that pill? And most importantly did it pass 24 hours after they have taken it?”

“Hey Mark, Yes I did and yes it is past 24 hours. I have one question though. If they already knew about pill how would we get genuine reaction?”

“To answer this simple for you, it is science, Morris. Their lips might be lying, but with their moments and inner body functions we can be accurate up to 90%”

“Cool! One more question too, why this 24-hour clock though? Can’t we take the pill at the same time and get honest reactions?”

“Very good question Morris, the pill you give them captures the data on how they speak the truth and lies in these 24 hours. After that their reaction to your problem will be honest”

“Interesting! I can’t tell you how excited I’m Mark! I’m ready, lets do this!”

“You bet! Let us unfold the other part of the Story! Take the pill and call one of the people you gave the pill.”

“Sure, Hey Claire, so I had a very bad incident Yesterday. As you know I took the pill just now and I will only be speaking the truth. Yesterday there was a big fight with my parents and I’m feeling very bad.

“I have these fights regularly but this is kind of a big one and I’m feeling very bad about it. Just wanted to share with you.”

“Aww! I’m sorry to hear that Morris. I wish I was there to help you with this. Just don’t take too much in and keep focusing on things that matter. You will surely have very good days ahead.”

“Thanks for listening Claire! You are the best as always. Talk to you soon!”

“Any time Mark! Have a good day and remember to not to take too much in.”

“So Morris, she seems like a very good friend. I’m sending the results to your VR. Take a look and testify for yourself.”

“She is very awesome Mark. I’ve known her for a very short period, but she like one of my best friends. A mentor and a mountain like support.”

“Glad to hear that! Shall we call the second one Morris?”

“Sure Mark, here we go! Hey Tommy, what’s up my man! So listen I had this big fight with my parents regarding job and stuff and its very bad man!”

“Hey, Morris, my man! Bro, I have told you many times, quit those bloodsuckers and do something you love. I’m sure even your parents will appreciate this,

“Sure at first they might taunt you and stuff, but you willsuffer for the rest of your life if you don’t. Do you want me to talk to your parents on this?”

“No Tommy, it’s fine! If things go out of my hand I will surely ask you to talk to them. Thanks for listening bud! Hope to see you soon!”

“Even he seems like a good guy Morris!”

“Yes Mark, I know him for 10 years, We have been friends since my school. He is one of my best friends.”

“Good to hear that! I have sent the results of these as well.” Ready for the third?”

“Absolutely Mark! Here we go Hey Roger! What’s up brother? So listen I had this big fight with my parents and it was very bad brother!”

“Hey, Morris, I’m sorry to hear that brother. I just can’t imagine myself in your situation. You have a lot on your plate, I’m surprised to see that you are managing them without losing mental balance.

“These are testings times my man! Just stay strong and I’m pretty sure you will overcome these too.”

“Thanks for listening bud! Talk to you soon!”

“Morris looks like you got some awesome friends. I have sent the data of the third too.”

“Honestly Mark, I just came to see how science works on this. I need not see the results. I’m pretty sure they trust me and I trust them too. Thanks for the expereince.”

“You are welcome Morris, but I suggest you look at the data. So the experiment can be marked as successful and complete.”

“Sure Mark, I will definitely look. Here we go. Mark I think there is a mistake. It shows Roger didn’t believe it. I don’t believe this.”

“Calm down Morris, I have been formulating this for the past 7 years. I’m pretty sure it’s good.”

“I’m calling Roger Mark. I can’t stand this anymore. Hey Roger, be honest with me the result shows you didn’t trust me. The system might be broken, but the scientist here says it is efficient. Please be honest.”

“Uhmm well, I honestly think you want sympathy or some kind of attention. So I think you might have lied about things and your story.

It doesn’t make sense that a person can have all these sufferings. Now you be honest and tell the truth. Do you want sympathy?”

“What the fuck are you talking about bud? Why would I want sympathy?
Are you listening to yourself? What happened to you?”

“Stop lying and wasting my time man! I have other works to do. Leave me alone!”

Call ends

“Mark! What the hell is this? I know Roger since 6 years, this cannot be true, I mean I could have proved my story. This is not fair!”

“Okay Morris, I will tell you something very important. you gotta listen very carefully. You said you would prove your story. How many times will you do that?

“If you prove that you are emotional to someone to get their trust, you are becoming an emotional slave to yourself.

“How many times will you prove your story and the situation? What is more bizarre than proving to someone that you are crying?

“One of the famous Philosophers Albert Camus once said Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is, you are said in this situation and that is a fact.

“If someone doesn’t believe that, that doesn’t mean that you are not sad. That means they are not trusting you.

“How would someone believing or not believing you change your emotional state, Morris? It is not reality or logical right?”

“On the other hand, you have told your part of the emotion and the story. You are relieved that a person is listening to you. The other person believing or not believing is not your business, right?”

“You are absolutely right Mark! Thanks for listening, I will take leave and once again thanks for the experiment.”

End of story

In conclusion, I just want to say Human emotions are not concrete and we cannot express a single emotion at the same time.

It is always a combination of emotions. That is how our limbic system of the brain is built.

But some of us might be getting sucked into a single emotion at times. This can be due to the environment we live in, a situation we might not be able to handle etc.,

If we take this deeply in psychological terms, it is not a single expression it is a sadness that moves to grief, pain and disturbs the capabilities to think.

Why would someone wants sympathy when they are sad? If you don’t want to help or listen, no problem say that straight.

But if you are claiming that a person is sad always just because to get sympathy, that is the most disgusting thing ever and its inhumane.

According to many research articles, this is one of the leading causes of high-level depression. Not listening to one’s story and blaming them for being sad is bizarre.

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My Home Sweet Home, this is where I belong

Walk to my home

We travel a lot of places, we do a lot of things, but at the end of the day, our body demands to go back home. Now what home is may vary with people. A home is not literally a shelter, but a place or a person you feel that you belong to; that is your home sweet home!

Reading those lines, I kept walking forward. “How can I belong to something? Isn’t it Psychological?” I laughed and threw the piece of paper away. It came to me in a cookie. “Humans are sentimental fools” I laughed. It occurred to me that I always assume that I’m not human.

I don’t know how it happens, but most of the time I feel like an observer of this world and not really one of them. And I think everyone feels that way, but I don’t know. I get too carried away sometimes, and I just feel like I’m observing, writing notes and learning what a human is. 

When it comes to me; when I suddenly look into the reflections of mine, I remember that I’m one of those idiots I laugh at. There might be some idiot who is laughing at me right now. And for that dimwit, I’m an idiot. Are humans innately narcissistic? Or is it just me reflecting myself upon the world?

My home sweet home?

I reached my building and I opened the gate. I could see the baker’s family packing their bags, all tired and fed-up. “Need help?” I yelled. I don’t know why I did, it was spontaneous but I did however. “Nah, it is almost done” Premji answered. He is a funny little guy. I have different names for people in my mind, and I name them with a physical attribute they got.

I can never say that out loud, because it might appear to be an insult. Maybe I will be looked upon as an objectifying shit. But, physical attributes, as it is, without any adjectives are not insults according to me. “A fat man” is not an insult for me. “An ugly fat man” is definitely an insult. I’m a logical person.

“Don’t you feel sad?” A voice called me from the lost world of thoughts. I realised that I have been staring into Premji’s wife’s face all the time while thinking about names and fat men. “Because you are leaving?” I asked. That was dumb, but that was I thought, so it’s ok.

“No, because you are selling your house” she said in a painful tone. “I haven’t quite thought of it. I guess I am not sad. I’m neutral” I said. But I didn’t mean what I said. In fact, I have never really thought about it that way. My house? Does it belong to me? I am its owner. It’s my home sweet home!

I continued to walk smiling and while climbing the stairs there was a scent that felt new. Well, I understood that I have been sniffing this scent all the time but it was this time that I realised that it was different from the outside. I walked to my room upstairs, on the first floor. I unlocked and got in. The smell grew dense and it filled my nostrils.

The smell of my home

This is the smell of my house! This is its scent. Maybe it’s the naphthalene balls, I thought and went back to bed. I just bumped on the bed, like gravity pulled me down. Back to names, I went. I would recognize Mr. Premji as Mr. Five By Five. He is five feet tall and seemingly wide. He reminds me of the song, Mr. Five by Five.

And this urge came to me to listen to that song. But I was too lazy to reach my phone that I left on the table in the living room. My drive to listen to the song wasn’t strong enough to motivate me from getting up. I kept lying there, looking at the edge of the pillow.

An Ecosystem?

I noticed a small spider walking around the edge of the pillow. It is inches away from the tip of my nose and I guess it noticed this giant creature and is trying to run away. I blew air, like a sadist and saw the spider fall far away on the floor. And it struck me that my home is actually an ecosystem.

The baker, me, five other humans who live above, not only them, there are lizards, rats, roaches and spiders that live with me. I have inherited not just a building but an entire ecosystem, I thought. And I couldn’t shake this thought away. I don’t know why, but there was an urge to shout “ecosystem”. And like every other human, I am in control of my emotions too.

I shouted “ecosystem”, and I laughed. Then I took a deep breath. I noticed the scent again. This is my ecosystem too. This smell, the old radio, loose-hinged bed, half-rusty windows, paint flaky ceiling, and every corner about this house, they belong to me. NO, I belong to them.

My belonging is to every corner of this house, and couldn’t shake this feeling and to away with it I got up. I should have a coffee, I thought and rushed to the kitchen; my senses are all awake now. I saw myself and my memories everywhere around this place. It is indeed my home sweet home. 

Memories in my home

I heated and poured some coffee and instinctively sat on the kitchen counter. I imagined my mother preparing food while I chatted to her while drinking coffee. And I imagine my sister yelling my name in an annoyed tone from the living room and my father entering the house after his work. 

My senses. Smell, touch, objects that I see, sounds, and the taste of this coffee, they took me back in time. And after almost two decades, I realised this was my home; my ecosystem. That I belong here and it owns me. I understood why I never thought I belonged in the city. Because my ass always belongs here.

Now it might be dumb, it might just be a psychological construct, but I realised like any other human, even I was a mere human and I am already trapped in the sentiment of belonging. I don’t know how it happened, but there was an urge. And I realised that they are going to demolish the house in a week. Practically, I wouldn’t be able to capture the entire house in my memories.

Memories aren’t reliable and I want to capture every corner and every inch of this house. The drive was strong. So strong that I couldn’t resist. I rushed outside with my phone, I began clicking pictures. But it was not enough. Photos were not reliable too. I began recording the video of my entire house like an idiot.

I didn’t want to leave any corner un-recorded. The edge where I hit my head as a kid, the corner where I hid while playing hide and seek, I was not leaving anything go un-captured. I don’t know how it happened, but in the process of recording this ecosystem of mine, tears rolled down my eyes. 

Reliving, capturing the last moments

I rushed downstairs, I wanted to capture the garden and the backyard. And I kept on recording and the tears rolled down, I kept wiping them. I’m selling the house, with it, I can’t survive, I can’t maintain it. Without it, I guess I’m homeless. Maybe I will be somewhere, plant my ass on a bed in some corner. But I won’t belong there.

Not as much as I belong here. This is my home sweet home, this is where I belong. I couldn’t control my tears anymore, I burst out falling on my knees in the garden. I don’t know what stuck me. But this smell, this sight, this touch of the mud, the taste of the coffee at the end of my tongue, I can not have these at one time again. 

My home, sweet home

There would be a new smell, a new sight and a new ecosystem which won’t be mine till I finally delude myself and divert in the uncontrolled chaos of my life. But as a matter of fact; as a logical and quite evident observation, I can say with authority that this is my home!

A person’s sound of walking made me come back to this world again and I turned towards it. It was Mrs.Premji looking at me with sympathy in her eyes. “I understand, Krishna. It’s your home after all” she spoke softly. I nodded at her while I now finally understand what I’m doing, that I’m selling the place where I always belonged to. And I’m indeed sad or not happy at least.

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One-Electron Universe Theory A Crazy Idea!

In the last science article, we have understood the concept of the Mars Rover. In this article, we will learn the concept of the One-Electron Universe Theory.

One-Electron Universe:

It is the hypothesis that all electrons and positrons are manifestations of a single entity moving backwards and forwards in time. In simple terms, according to this theory, there is only one electron that moves backwards and forward in time. 

By moving and interacting with the past and the future, the electron bounces itself in the past and future. It interacts with itself an infinite number of times and produces an infinite number of electrons.

The basic idea of the one-electron theory is that every single electron in the universe is the one same electron travelling forwards and backwards in time. The idea is a bit crazy! One the other hand, the approach was revolutionary for the time.

Let us understand the history behind this idea.

History:

In the Spring of 1940, one of the famous physicist, John Wheeler called his favourite student Richard P Feynman. Wheeler said that all the electrons have the same charge and mass because they all are the same electron.

Wheeler got this idea because all the electrons have the same charge and identical mass. So he anticipated that all the electrons are a single electron. 

The same electron moves back and forth in time and interacts with itself an infinite number of times. By interacting with itself, it produces an infinite number of electrons. 

According to this theory, when an electron moves backwards in time, its a positron. Which is an antimatter particle of an electron.

Positron: A positron is the opposite of an electron. It has a positive electric charge.

Mathematically the one-electron universe theory has a very significant impact on many quantum mechanics calculations. But it failed to answer the question, if this theory is right, why there is very less antimatter found in the universe compared to normal matter.

Let us understand a few of the applications of the one-electron theory.

Applications:

  • This theory was very helpful in getting many calculations of quantum mechanics.
  • One-Electron universe if the first theoretical basis of time travel.

In conclusion, the one-electron theory might not be successful in experiments. But the premise of this helped us solve a lot of physics problems. This theory is also the basis of the recent Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece “Tenet.”

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Love Is In The Air, But I don’t want To Feel It.

It is the early 1900’s in Paris, the city of love. It was the spring season when the city of love has a natural romantic ambience. I was painting a beautiful canvas behind a lovely water fountain.

Every time the breeze flows by the water and touches my face, I feel alive. That day the breeze not only had the freshness but an awesome scent.

The scent that comes when all the angels beat their wings. That scent has love written all over it. I followed that scent to see what jewel is now added to the crown of the city.

I walk for some distance and there it is! And saw the most beautiful thing in the world! That was the day I saw the queen of angels walking in the city of love.

It was like the sunlight falling on a dew-kissed flower. That innocent smile, that curious eyes, with the walk of a swan in the river. The artist in me has become a poet of solace.

I have a habit of writing to express when I’m feeling low, this angel changed it for me. She got down the horse cart and the city of love was jealous of the celestial beauty of her.

The curious eyes of her were looking to find something. I couldn’t watch her stressing her eyes, I couldn’t take it. I gathered enough courage and started walking towards her.

Every step of mine towards her made my heart pound harder. That is the longest 20 steps I ever took. Finally, I got the courage to go near her, so that I can talk to her.

I went to her and she saw me and that’s it! Before I could speak, my eyes have already spoken a thousand words. I didn’t know I had a world-famous poet in me until I saw her.

I looked into her eyes and spoke my first words with her “Bonjour Madame! You don’t like you are from the neighbourhood. Where are you from?”

She turned towards me to answer. That turn is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! The way her hair waved in the air and the way she looked at me, wow! It looked like her hair is feeding love into the air of Paris!

She looked at me and started speaking, “Bonjour Monsieur! I’m new here. I’m renting a house in this neighbourhood. Are you from this area? How are the people around here?”

I cannot believe that an angel is talking to me! Her voice is the most soothing thing I have ever heard! It is like a beautiful singer singing and everlasting melody! I startled for a bit, came back to reality and started speaking.

“Yes, madame! I’m from here. This is the heart of love Paris! The people are lovely here. Right around that corner is where I live. May I help you with your belongings? They seem a bit heavy.”

She looks at me and smiles! Oh boy! It was a ray of beautiful sunshine on my face! She nods in agreement and I pick up the things and help her take them into the house.

After a few hours, all the things were moved to the house and she sighed me to sit on a chair. She went in and got some tea and gave it to me. I kept my sketching kit aside and started sipping it.

She saw the kit and asked, “What is that?” “This is my sketching kit madame, I draw potraits right around the water fountain.” “We have a water fountain nearby?!” She asked with joy.

That childlike innocence and those curious eyes that screamed joy! Man, she is the perfect women I have ever met. To continue the conversation I asked, ” Madame, if you don’t mind may I know your name?”

She smiled and said, “My name is Charlotte Monsieur, what is your name?” I smiled, that was the most genuine smile I had after a long time and said ” My name is Marlon Madame.”

I thanked her for the tea and left to home. That was the most beautiful day of my life. I couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking about the most exciting thing that happened to me.

The next day, I rushed to the fountain waiting for the angel to flap the wings on the fountain. After a few hours, my aha! moment came. The angel herself saw me and started walking towards me with a smile.

She came to me and asked “Salut Marlon, do you do your sketching here?” “Salut Charlotte, yes this is my place of sketching, do you want to see some samples of my work?” I asked.

“Of course, I would love to see them,” she said with innocent and excited eyes. I have shown her some samples and I enjoyed showing them more than her seeing them. It was remarkable.

She looked at me and took something from the pocket. She places it in front of me and says “Marlon, can you draw this?” It was a wooden cuckoo bird. I said “Yes” and start drawing it.

After an hour I show it to her, and the moment she saw it and said “Beaaaautiful!” That is the best compliment I have ever got! The way she said felt like the best thing that has ever happened to me.

She looked at my bag and there are a book and a pen, she took the book and asked me “Marlon, do you write as well?” I stumbled a bit and said ” Ye.. Yes, I write when I’m depressed or not feeling good Charlotte.”

She read a page, looked at me and left, I felt a bit broken and went home with sadness. It felt very bad seeing her leave. I thought I might not see her ever again and it was the worst!

The next morning I was at the fountain sketching and suddenly I see Charlotte coming towards me. It is an extraordinary feeling seeing her come towards me.

She came to me and gave me another object to draw and I did the same. She took the sketch gave me a look with a smile and left. This went on for a week and she took sketches daily.

One day she bought a wooden box to sketch, while I was drawing she started speaking to me ” So Marlon, you said when you are sad you write, I’m I right?”

“Ye..Yes, that is what I said Charlotte” I mumbled. She smiled and said, “well you are sketching for 7 days, have you ever felt sad within this period?” I was blown away by the way she thought for me.

“No I was just curious and a bit said that you were not talking,” I said. She smiled and said “That is what I wanted you to do, not to feel sad but be curious and forget being sad. I don’t like when you are sad.”

These were the best words I had ever heard! This continued for three months and she bought numerous amounts of objects to sketch. I asked many times that I want to sketch her, but she always said it was for a special moment.

After three months, she came to me and said “Marlon, today is a special day. Why don’t you come to my house in the evening and I will share the special moment with you?”

I felt like a kid who got the sweetest candy! I was waiting for the evening very badly. As the time drew itself to the evening, the excitement in a way broke the last boundaries and just went ga-ga!.

Finally, the time has come and I rushed to Charlotte’s house. I knocked on the door and she invited me in. The house was lit with all the beautiful candles and the ambience was fantastic.

She sighed me to sit down and she went in. From her kitchen, she said, “Marlon, close your eyes, I have a big surprise for you!” I closed my eyes and my excitement was like a kid waiting for his Christmas present.

After some time, she said, “Now open them!” I did and oh boy was I surprised! Some other man was sitting beside her on the couch opposite. I was rather puzzled thinking who is this.

She said, “Marlon, I would like you to meet Achille, who is my fiancee now.” I felt like my heart left my body when I heard the word fiancee. I mean what can I say.

She continued, “Marlon, I have another surprise as well. Remember I took your books to read? Achille is a publisher and I was able to print one of your books!

I didn’t have any life left after the fiancee word. After some time, I tried to gather myself and had a fake smile. I just looked around so that I don’t see into the eyes of Charlotte.

I was afraid my eyes could speak and give out feelings in the form of tears. When I looked around I saw a paper and the sketching kit. Charlotte looked at me and smiled.

She said, “Well this is a special moment, do you want to sketch us?” I held myself and after some time I said, ” sure, why not.” I set up the paper and started sketching them.

A teardrop fell from my cheek onto the paper. Only paper, pencil and my heart know that mark. I sketched it, put it in her hand and looked at her and said, “Thank you.”

I was about to leave, Charlotte caught my hand and stopped me and I was shocked to see what was happening. She looked straight into my eyes and said.

“Marlon, I have a piece of bad news to tell as well. I’m leaving the city for Rome. As you know, I’m an author, I keep travelling country to country. I’m so sorry, but I’m leaving.”

I was horrified to hear that. Not only she doesn’t love me back, but she is also leaving my sight forever. I gathered myself up and said, “Whee. when are you leaving?”

“In three days Marlon, but I must say I will miss you so much. I will make sure to write a postcard regularly. Please write back to me too. And if everything goes well, we will surely meet one day.”

That is the end of my happiness. The streets of Paris are not lovable anymore. It all feels gloomy and unorganised. Nothing makes sense anymore and I feel like I’m in oblivion.

As my book is published, I got more deals and kept writing. The more I write the more depressed I’m. I earned a lot of money. I became a very successful writer.

The more depressed I become the more I wrote. Now, who will get me objects to sketch? Who will divert me from my mood? Who will talk to me and care for me?

The love may be in the air of Paris, but I don’t want to feel it.

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Mars Rover: Understanding And Applications

On February 18, 2021, we had a significant breakthrough in the realm of science, “perseverance rover” is now on Mars and is alive. So congratulations to all of us on this big milestone. We as humans should be proud of that mega event and the development in science we had. Let us understand the concept of the Mars rover.

Mars Rover:

Mars rover is an automated motor vehicle that moves across the surface of the planet Mars upon arrival. 

Let us now understand the history of the Mars rover.

History Of Mars Rover: 

This is not the first mars rover on mars, there were few of them in past. Let us understand them.

On July 4, 1997, the USA spacecraft launched “Mars Pathfinder.” This was the first rover to operate on mars. This was one of the best mission to the world of science. It was responsible for many technologies like airbags in cars and obstacle avoiding robots.

Pathfinder, Image credit ; NASA

On January 25, 2004, NASA landed “Opportunity rover”. The mission was to determine whether life could ever have arisen on Mars (focusing particularly on searching for ancient water) and characterizing the climate and geology of Mars. The rover is now not active, NASA on 13th February 2019 gave an official declaration that it is inactive.

Opportunity rover, Image credit : NASA

On August 6, 2012, NASA landed “Curiosity rover”. Curiosity was about the size of a small SUV. It is 9 feet 10 inches long by 9 feet 1 inch wide and about 7 feet high. It had all the advanced features ( special cameras, spectrometers etc.,).

Curiosity rover, Image credit : NASA

The recent success is the perseverance rover. It was launched on 30 July 2020 by NASA. With the rover, they have also launched a mars helicopter. This mission is to read the geologic history and look for any clues about past alien inhabitants. It will also select and cache rock samples that a future rover will fetch and return to Earth sometime within the next decade. 

Perseverance rover, Image credit : NASA

Perseverance helicopter, Image credit : NASA

Let us now Understand the applications of it.

Applications of Mars Rover:

  • The first rover helped us understand and invent airbags in cars which helped us save millions of lives.
  •  For determining the mineralogy, texture, and structure of the Mars territory.
  • The spectrometer is for identifying promising rocks and soils for closer examination and for determining the processes of the Martian rocks. The instrument is designed to look skyward to provide temperature profiles of the Martian atmosphere.
  • For close-up investigations of the mineralogy of iron-bearing rocks and soils.
  • To help us find extraterrestrial life on other planets.
  • In understanding the universe deeply.
  • To launch more satellites and other objects to improve GPS, cellular reception and other important things. 

In conclusion, this is one of the biggest achievement in the field of science.

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Condemned to live together!

A criticism of my early views that laws are a common compromise of people who can take responsibility for their acts: To explain this better, I’ll explain my early views on morality and human freedom. I believed that they don’t co-exist. A moral judgement is a judgement of an act. An act done by a human in any emotional state is done with a rush to do it. Is it justified then? No! Does it need to be judged? Of course! But why? Why do actions of other people bother us? Why should we even live together?

Humans are condemned to be free. There is no way out. Is there a common essence for all of us? No. Is there a common purpose? No. Can we have objective morals? No. But we have understood that we can survive if we lived in groups. And it worked. Thus, we built civilizations, kingdoms, states and now nations. Now, do we need objective rules that repress us?

We need to understand that there is no supernatural judgement waiting to judge our actions. If we have to survive better, living in groups is the better way. And for that, we do need rules that don’t destroy society. We need society alive and functioning. So regardless of our opinion towards it, there is a forced common goal for all of us. That is to maintain harmony to live together intending no harm. Thus, we need objective rules that will however cause repression, but it should be a common compromise. “Humans are condemned to live together”

These rules should be applied in the best interest of maintaining harmony. Anarchy is amazing? Of course, it is. Imagine being able to live your own life independently, governing yourselves. But humans are beasts in nature; like any other animal. We have tried to refuse our true nature for a long time now. We have to accept that we all are predators, hunters, killers and thieves. Given certain pressure, everyone can break the threshold and can commit any treacherous act just to survive. It is there in all of us. That is our true nature, the true essence — we are animals.

Rather than judging our true nature to be filthy from the fixed-moral perspective, we should accept it. We should embrace the fact that we are all by birth predators and contribute to the common goal of harmony voluntarily. If it’s a rule book of God that condemns us to act accordingly to the rules, it causes repression. If it’s a spiritual guide, it causes repression too. You are suppressing your true nature rather than embracing it.

End of the day, rules, morals and laws only exist to maintain harmony. Why don’t we all contribute to it voluntarily? Rather than being suppressed by an unknown or a third-party-source (government), we can do it on our own. And the only third-party judge, the law should indeed exist, even though it suppresses our true nature, it is the necessary suppression we need to balance the harmony.

It won’t work if we ask people to create morals themselves. We can not blame the irresponsible for not taking the responsibility of creating their values. Again, it is natural. We are the beasts that we need to tame. And the taming; not because of a holy purpose. Or a moral judgement of a good/bad. But just what needs for society to exist. There is no objective good/bad, but just accepted/not accepted. Killing is not bad, it is just not acceptable. It is still natural for humans to kill, but we don’t need it now if we want to exist together.

I had this view that people who took responsibility to create their own values to not harm the other have compromised to create laws to control the irresponsible. I saw it in two perspectives. One being an unselfish contribution to the society. That is, that the law exists because the irresponsible cannot create their own values. The other being, a selfish act to preserve oneself. That is, that the responsible understand that we need harmony and thus to protect themselves from the irresponsible they have created these rules.

On further introspection, that might sound true, but such is not the case. There exists some common and objectively accepted thing in all of us. That is the idea of living together. This idea is the agent that causes morals, laws and values. People who don’t have these ideas of harmony are called ‘anti-social’ or sociopaths. According to what is not-accepted (bad) by all of us (those who wish harmony), a sociopath is bad (not-accepted), because a sociopath destroys the fundamentals of living together.

What is objectively bad is that which does not value or disregards the balance of the society. What is objectively good is that which does add to or does not break the fundamentals of society, at least. Thus, even though objectivity is a human construct, that is much needed. And as ironic as it may sound, it takes a person who is individual and independent to form a better society — so independent that one’s growth does not even depend on the decline of other people.

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Bottom Line Is I Prefer Not To Exist.

In the imaginary race with time, I barely think about what is happening to me. If I stress I even don’t know what I’m feeling. But there some sort of disturbance or sadness that is always pumping from the bottom of my heart.

I work at a graveyard shift for a private company. My job is to take client tickets and resolve them. There will be calls of clients as well, I need to greet them with a smile and assist them accordingly. Yeah, it sucks to the bottom, but what sucks more is the way I get treated.

The clients don’t have respect for us as humans what so ever. We get to hear all kinds of cusses. I got to know them in different languages too. It is like I got used to them, I don’t like it, but that is what it is.

If the work is like this, one would expect the management would be supportive. That ship sank to the bottom way back and its the worst. The stuff they do to keep us “Productive” is bizarre.

They do a video call in the middle of the shift just to check if we are smiling while talking to clients. They are planning to plant mirrors so that we can set our looks and smile while talking.

I don’t know how to express this. They are trying to cut our genuine emotions and programming us to smile. They are trying to make us into robots from top to bottom. It feels very difficult even to breathe and survive.

It feels like a bottomless pit and I keep on falling. Personal life is no paradise either. It feels like “so-called” family members treat me like some random object that we ignore. No one asks If I smiled or had a good day or anything.

But if I talk about passion or something, they pile on me and bring me down to the ground. I also want to talk to my mother in a normal way. I also want to share information with my father like a normal child. But they seem like far fetched dreams.

Few of my friends stopped talking to me because of my bottom states. I get emotional when a huge pile of problems fall on me. Let’s face it, no one likes a whiny person right? I’m shocked and privileged I still have few people and friends that listen to me.

My phone goes empty all day. I sit alone in my room working or doing something. Some of my friends used to call me regularly the day would be way better. Now no one talks and suddenly I need to take these calls and it feels all fuzzy and weird. It’s fine everyone has their own lives and priorities.

Every time I hear that ring on the call, my heart skips a bit. Some unknown fear and pain run to the bottom of my spine and in my heart. what cusses would I need to hear today? Who will yell at me? How much I’m I going to feel sad today?

I get panicked and get very scared. It feels like someone is groping me and I sit there and allow it to happen. It hurts a lot inside and I don’t know how to express it. I’m lost for words and in a lot of pain that I cannot handle.

Why I’m I saying all this? So-called people and society say we need to work hard and we will be good. If people call this good, then I never want to be good in life. This sucks to the core, it is a huge pile of shit, where I survive daily on my tears.

You kill all of our curiosity we have as a child and try to rub your hypothetical success goals on us. Why should someone do a job and laugh and be fake and do a naked dance in this bottomless hole?Why cannot a person be the way he wants to live?

If we question all this we are being rude and don’t know anything in life. If doing what we love is rude and smiling is ignorance about life, then fine I’m happy to be ignorantly rude. But we can’t right, all kinds of crap come up if we open and talk.

The bottom line is I prefer if I don’t exist. I’m running an imaginary race that I never signed up for. I don’t know for how long but the longer I keep running to the bottom I keep sinking.

Note: This is from our beloved friends John’s diary.

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Quantum Electrodynamics (QED) Theory.

`In the last science article, we have understood the concept of Nuclear Energy. In this article, we will understand the concept of “quantum electrodynamics (QED).

Before we proceed to Quantum Electrodynamics, we should know the basic definitions of quantum physics and Electrodynamics.

Quantum Physics:

Quantum physics is the study of matter and energy at its most fundamental level. The basic story of everything around us and including us are elementary particles. 

So in simple terms, quantum physics is the study of everything in the universe. It explains how everything works in the universe. To know more about quantum physics, click here.

Electrodynamics:

It is a branch of physics that deals with the consequences emerging from the interactions of electric currents with magnets, with other currents, or with themselves.

Quantum Electrodynamics (QED):

In simple words, it is a theory which explains how electromagnetic radiation interacts with matter on an atomic level. In other words (physics terms), in particle physics, quantum electrodynamics is the relativistic quantum field theory of electrodynamics. Therefore, In principle, it describes how light and matter associate.

It is the first theory where the full correspondence between quantum mechanics and special relativity is achieved. To know more about relativity, click here. Let us understand the history of quantum electrodynamics.

History:

Paul Dirac has the credit of the first basis of QED during the 1920s. He got the basis by calculating an excitation of a subatomic particle from a higher energy level to low energy level ( Also called spontaneous emission).

As the calculations were not precise due to the advancement in technology, a new theory was the need of that hour. Therefore, In 1948, there came a revolution with the precise and accurate calculations of QED.

Three of the brilliant minds in the ream of physics named Sin-Itiro Tomonaga, Julian Schwinger and Richard P. Feynman got the calculations precisely for QED. They were awarded Nobel Prize Jointly in the year 1965 for ” their fundamental work in quantum electrodynamics, with deep-ploughing consequences for the physics of elementary particles.”

The most important Physicist of the above realm who not only has a major contribution to QED but also many fields of physics is Richard P. Feynman. Lets us see his view on the same.

Feynman’s view of Quantum Electrodynamics:

The key components of Feynman’s presentation of QED are three basic actions.

  • A photon goes from one place and time to another place and time.
  • An electron goes from one place and time to another place and time.
  • An electron emits or absorbs a photon at a certain place and time.

These were represented by diagrams known as “Feynman diagrams” which revolutionized modern physics forever. 

Feynman Diagrams:

They are pictorial descriptions of the mathematical expressions representing the behaviour and interaction of subatomic particles.

The following image is the Feynman diagram.

Picture Of A Feynman Diagram.

To know more about fermions, photons, gluons, Higgs boson and other concepts of particle physics, click here.

Applications Of Quantum Electrodynamics:

  • In Moessbauer-spectroscopy which is a way to determine the elements in a sample by scattering of gamma radiation.
  • Engineering modern nuclear fission and fusion technologies.
  • In modern optics.
  • Building quantum devices (like quantum computers, quantum chips etc.,)

In conclusion, quantum electrodynamics is very important to understand the functionality of our universe.

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Let’s not stop the argument! But in the logical way!

Argument isn’t such a bad word. There is a negative term ‘bad argument’ which has now somehow become synonymous for very ‘argument’ itself. But such is not the case in reality. There indeed is a ‘good argument’. In fact, it is the arguments that have advanced humans philosophically and scientifically!

For many years, people have claimed ‘arguments’ as the source where all the knowledge had begun. But later, we understood that there wouldn’t have an argument if we never thought, so it must be thinking where the source of all knowledge is. But the later existentialism pushes existence prior to anything. It is only logical to credit existence as the source. 

But initially, arguments were thought to be the source, and such is the value of an argument. And it is not necessarily a bad one. It is through arguments that you would know new things. But there is a form- a structure to it. You can not argue blandly with random utterances. So, what is this form? How to argue in the right way?

Arguments and its components

The sentences you use in arguments, are not mere sentences but propositions. And these propositions consist of terms and not mere words! It might appear to be philosophical mumbo-jumbo, but it isn’t. Arguments are where linguistics, philosophy and mathematics begin their hopeless romance. To begin with, let’s hop on and dive into defining these weird words or should I say, terms?

Terms and Proposition

What is a word? A group of letters that define something is a word. A ‘bottle’ is a word. A ‘word’ is a word! In day-to-day life, we use the words, ‘word’ and ‘term’ interchangeably, but it is a logical blunder to do so. Terms are specific and refer to something particular unlike words which just define and express but not refer! Terms have precise meaning and you know what it refers to just by listening to it or reading it. All the terms are words, but all the words are not terms. 

Terms can have multiple words in them. “The legendary filmmaker of 2001: Space Odyssey”, this sentence has many words in them. But the entire sentence is a single term, as it is referring towards a single person. In that way, we can differentiate words and terms. The group of words form sentences. Now what do the group of terms form? A proposition! And not many, but two terms in specific form a proposition.

Propositions are to sentences like terms are to words. Sentences are groups of words that form a meaning altogether. While propositions are sentences that are specific and assert some value! Propositions are not random but have an opinion to them. “Mr.Nobody is a masterpiece”, this sentence is a proposition as it asserts an opinion towards some subject. And those two, subject and the opinion are two terms that exist in a proposition. A subject term is ‘about what the proposition is’ and a predicate term (opinion) is ‘what is the matter told about the subject’. Together a subject term and a predicate term form a proposition.

In the above example “Mr.Nobody is a masterpiece”, the subject term here is ‘Mr.Nobody’ and the predicate term is ‘masterpiece’.

The argument!

Now as we are forming a pattern here, you must be guessing how terms and propositions are linked to an argument? And a bunch of propositions form an argument! But again, there is a form to do it in the logical way. An argument consists of two sets of propositions. The first set is (are) called Premise(s) and the other as Conclusion. The premise is the logical support (data) you give to make your conclusion stand. They are baseless without each other.

You can not have an argument without both premises and conclusion. You can have many premises but there is only one conclusion. Regardless of the truth or falsity of the conclusion, a valid argument is something that follows this form. The conclusion can be false, but if it is in the form, it is indeed a valid argument.

Example:

Premise 1: All X are Z

Premise 2: All Z are Y

Conclusion: All X are Y

Here, in premise 1, X is the subject and Z is the predicate term. 

In premise 2, Z is the subject and Y is the predicate term.

This is how you argue in a logical way, by giving out premises, making a conclusion out of it! Or you draw a conclusion and form enough premises to support your conclusion. Without this form, your argument is a bad argument and it leads nowhere. To argue, is to be logical! To be logical, be formal. Let’s get back into finding out the validity of arguments and truth and falsity of propositions next week!

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Nuclear Energy : UnderstaTnding And Uses Of It.

In the last science article, we have learnt the concept of the information paradox. In this article, we shall learn the concept of nuclear energy and the important uses of it.

Nuclear Energy: 

Nuclear Energy is the energy that is present within the nucleus of an atom. An atom is a small unit of matter which makes up everything in the universe. 

Nuclear Energy is useful in creating Electricity. But as the energy is within the atomic nuclei of an atom. Therefore, we need to separate it from atomic nuclei and use it.

The process is extremely difficult, and nuclear power plants are used to split atoms of an element and extract the energy. To extract the energy from the nuclei of the atoms, nuclear fission is done.

Nuclear Fission: 

Nuclear fission is a process in which, the nucleus of a single atom splits into two or more nuclei.

The most commonly used fuel for nuclear energy is Uranium 235. The basic concept of a nuclear reactor working is “Controlled chain reaction.”

Chain Reaction:

A chain reaction is a sequence of reactions in which the reactive or by-product causes additional reactions.

Let us know understand how a nuclear reactor inside a nuclear plant works.

  1. The outer layer of the plant is covered with concrete steel structure and is called containment.
  2. Heavy water or graphite is used as a moderator to control the speed of atoms coming out of the fuel.
  3. The generally used fuel material is uranium—U-235.
  4. Control rods like cadmium, hafnium or boron are used.
  5. A nuclear reactor has a coolant like water or molten salt. The heat from the chain reaction reacts with coolant and produces steam.

Working Of A Nuclear Reactor: Let us understand how a nuclear reactor works.

  • Uranium 235 is filled inside a nuclear reactor.
  • The atoms of uranium collide with a neutron, this released a chained reaction and a huge amount of energy.
  • Control rods like cadmium, hafnium or boron are inserted to absorb the excessive atoms produced by fission. By this, the chain reaction is controlled.
  • The moderator liquid is used to control the speed of atoms and slow down the reaction.
  • The Energy from the fission reacts with coolant and produces steam.
  • The steam is then used to run turbines to produce electricity.

This is how a nuclear reactor works. It is one of the important forms of renewable energy on this planet.

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Night Life, Expression Of Countless Tears.

When the time passes towards the night,
It is time to set everything straight.
It is time to log in and work,
Time to put on a fake smirk.

I have to speak to clients on the phone.
Treating their problems as my own.
It feels like the night is pulling me to oblivion,
Sometimes it all feels like an illusion.

I feel like a night owl that doesn’t know other sounds,
It feels like I’m lost in a gigantic abyss.
I can’t even cry about it as I need to speak,
My heart inside me always has that sad squeak.

I cannot keep these emotions no matter how much I try,
Sometimes in the night, I want to hug someone and cry.
Every night I work it makes me more depressed,
I have lost interest in things that make me excited.

Mentally, I’m dead and physically tired,
Trying to keep it together, emotionally I’m drained.

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Black Hole Information Or Information Paradox

In the last article, we have understood the concept of “Entropy.” In this article, let us understand the concept of the Information paradox

One of the unsolved mystery in science is the “Black Hole Information Paradox.” To understand this, we need to understand a few terms of physics.

Quantum Physics: Quantum physics is the study of matter and energy at its most fundamental level. To know more on quantum physics, click here.


Black Holes: A black hole is a region of spacetime where gravity is so strong that nothing, no particles or even light can escape. To know more on black holes, click here.

Event Horizon: It is the boundary surrounding the region of space of a black hole from which nothing (not even light) can escape.

Hawking’s Radiation: It is thermal radiation black holes emit, due to quantum effects near the event horizon.

As we all know, everything in this universe is made of matter. If we divide matter into the smallest particles we get subatomic particles. They are the building blocks of everything in this universe.

Let us take an object, for example, any flammable substance. No matter how much you burn it, the quantum level of the substance remains the same in the universe. It stays in some or the other form.

There is a vital law of physics here ” The total amount of quantum information in the universe must be conserved.” Theoretically, knowledge of that information will help us recreate the substance again.
When an object falls into the black hole, it seems that it leaves the universe.

The object might be in the black hole. Theoretical proofs suggest that the objects quantum information might be present in the event horizon of the black hole. As the black holes’ mass increases by taking in the objects, the area of the black hole. Therefore the event horizon increases.

According to Hawking’s radiation, black holes evaporate gradually over time. Black holes loose mass, as they discard particles from the event horizon. Hawkings radiation shows that the particles that come out from the event horizon are not the same that has entered.

As the black hole evaporates completely, we do not have any information on the particles that have entered the black hole. This is the information paradox of black hole. Till now there is no exact proof for this paradox.

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Can you swallow the great Indian kitchen?

Swallow and The Great Indian Kitchen

It’s no secret that we live in a patriarchal world. We are at the dawn of new cultural reform, we are now truly understanding individual choices and freedom after years of shout-outs and books. But, any progress is progress. And to mark this progress, I bring out two cinematic parallels, Swallow (2020) and The great Indian kitchen (2021).

On the surface level, they might appear as two different films. But the thing that I clubbed them together is because in-depth they are the same movie! No, I’m not accusing of plagiarism, but I’m just pointing out the similarities in the theme. And this thematic similarities doesn’t occur from copying each other, but they exist around the world. 

The common theme in both the films is the identity crisis of a woman who is deemed to be a housewife for the rest of her life. And this happens everywhere in the world. The term housewife is synonymous to housemaid, the only difference is the wife is unpaid and should provide more services than a maid.

The theme

It is no exaggeration when I say women feel choked when this happens. Why would they as individuals should let another individual overshadow their identity? Now, the husbands don’t do that voluntarily in many cases, but it is indeed happening! In the name of culture and traditions we have long been shadowing a woman’s identity.

Both Swallow and The great Indian kitchen deal with this identity crisis of a housewife in their own different ways, deconstructing norms of their own regions. While Swallow is more focused on maternity, abortion, identity, freedom; The great Indian kitchen also touches religious and other cultural sentiments.

While Swallow is cleverly crafted and dealt with metaphors and surreal/psychological elements, TGK is straightforward and loud. TGK doesn’t hesitate from being passed away as over-spoken or being too predictable. TGK only cares about conveying the message and hence it is a mission accomplished. Right from the very first frame, the message and themes are clearly visible and understood in TGK.

The films as whole

While it is an artistic choice on how to make a film, it would have been better if TGK was not predictable. But at the same time, I’m hit with the dilemma that what if that is what they wanted to create? What if Jeo Baby, the maker, intended to bore me with predictability, because that is the entire point of the film. 

The film is nothing but an orthodox family and its housewife’s daily chores. Of course it’s predictable and repetitive. If this predictability was an artistic choice, it was a good thing to do so, because the message about the boredom and jail-ish feel of a housewife life is super conveyed!

But if it was a coincidence, then it was a lucky one. I wasn’t in awe looking at TGK as a film. But was in awe of the guts of the maker and the actor’s flawless acting. But if you ask if I would suggest TGK to others? Definitely I would! I urge all women and especially Indians to watch TGK!

Swallow keeps you hooked on with its interesting plot and character development. And it doesn’t feel like the plot is leading the character towards the shift. But it happens with TGK. Somewhere in the middle I felt like the character development was a bit shallow. It left a lot of doubts about the protagonist. The plot led the character shift in TGK, not how it should have happened. 

 We need more TGKs!

If only there were more details on the protagonist, it would have led the character development go smooth and doesn’t feel forced and projected. But Jeo Baby’s target was arranged marriage, regional cultural norms of marriage and post-married life of a housewife, so he might just have thought the details to be unnecessary. But the details would only have given a sense of completeness in the end.

India needs more movies like TGK. It is only through movies can we really make a cultural reform now. It’s time we understood why arranged marriages won’t work and only cause pain. It is already late to realise that housewives are nothing but housemaids with benefits.

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A new costume in my closet

What a moral is more than just an outfit? It is as simple as changing a dress. The randomness of events allow you to justify any reason and make it look right. You can even gain support for your justification if it is done right. Because all justification needs is form. Put it in the right form, you can even write articles justifying Hitler’s horrific acts. That’s how sensitive and easy to manipulate events are. If you can fabricate anything into anything how valid do you think your morals are?

You believe certain things, you stand out for them. You believe it harder and through belief you begin justifying them. You might fail, but you will try. You might be laughed at but you will become more stubborn towards your belief. One fine day, you will have enough words and proper form to place your belief in a logical way. Once you justify your beliefs in the proper form, the form enough attracts support from people with similar minds.

People with different minds begin to think of it as it sounds justified. Now a new perspective occurs. That’s how easy it is to change one’s morals. How funny it is to believe in a particular thing and stand for it? You believe that you are an animal lover, you are against captivating animals in pet stores. Hence you choose not to buy a pet. But times have passed, you had to buy a pet, now you have to fight with your belief that you are an animal lover.

Would you rather give up on your belief and adapt to buying the pet or will you justify yourself still as an animal lover? You can do both. You can tell yourself that you are liberating the animal from captivity. You can still be the hero you believe. Because it is everything about what you believe. Tell someone enough that they are a narcissist, maybe they will become one.

Having any belief can be justified. I’m not trying to say that everything is true, in contrast, nothing is true. I like how Assassin’s Creed uses “Nothing is true, everything is permitted”. Yes, indeed it is true. And it forms a truth paradox if it is true of what is true if nothing is true? Is the statement nothing is true false? If it is false? Is everything true, then again, if everything is true, then the statement becomes true too.

If not ‘everything is true’ and not ‘nothing is true’, then there is just something that is true and something that is not. What is the quantitative measure of truth and how do you judge it? If you judge it by mere feeling, it is irrational and not objective. If you judge it by form, well, as discussed above, everything can be fit into form. So the very notion of true and false belief is an invalid and self contradicting theory constructed psychologically. 

When what you strongly believe and justify becomes true/untrue why do we even bother with such a judgement? Why do we worry constantly about what belief is true and what is not? What does it matter if it isn’t true as long as you can change your beliefs as quickly as you change clothes.

I witnessed a change in my body
I see that I don’t fit in my dress anymore
I go back to my room
I found a new costume in my closet
Just waiting for me to wear it
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Loneliness: A Crave For Attention Or Expression?

During this tough time of the pandemic, there is a lot of focus on mental health issues. Loneliness is one of the leading mental health issues in the world. 

People often think loneliness as deliberately being alone and craving attention. They are very wrong about this and most of the so-called “educated people” don’t even know or try to understand mental health issues. 

To be brutally honest, most of the people think loneliness is being alone. The major and very important difference is being alone is a choice, in which the person choosing is comfortable being alone. Loneliness is not a choice, it is an infinite loop which sucks in almost everything from the person stuck in it

So I was once caught in an argument among so-called “intellectuals.” They were arguing that loneliness is bull-crap it is just a craving for attention. Some of the sane minds were saying it is a sign that the person suffering wants to express something but is unable to convey.

To get a deep perspective on this, I texted one of my dearest friends. If you are an avid reader, you know him as “John.” If you want to know more about John, read this article first and this next.

The Tyler Durden to My narrator ( The reference is from fight club movie, if you have not watched it, I highly recommend you do.) John has a weird habit of texting. When I send him a message, he sees it and replies after an hour or so. 

So I texted him ” Is loneliness a craving for attention or to express something?”, he saw the message, and after an hour my phone chimed. It is John, and here is how our conversation went:

John: What made you ask this question? It is a very interesting one.

Me:  I’m on a bus travelling to my home town, some of the people were discussing mental health issues, and this came up. So I decided to ask your take on it.

John: Okay, as you are asking my perspective, I’m going to say it, it is neither. But I’m more inclined towards expression,

Me: Interesting! Could you elaborate more on how you said neither?

John: Sure, before I begin, I want to put it on the table that, this is the study based on my observations. I can be completely wrong, but this is the conclusion I got my observations. Let us begin by questioning the preface, Why do people feel lonely? 

Me: There are multiple factors, low self-esteem, not knowing about self, not fitting in, getting stuck in the past, mental health issues and many more.

John: Good, in the above list except for mental health issues, all the other are social skills, right?

Me: Not entirely, but yes their major role lies in social skills. 

John: Okay, when you feel low, you feel to share it with someone. You will prefer if someone has called you, texted you or talked to you in person. By this, you feel a bit relieved, yes? 

Me: Yes, if there is a right company it feels good.

John: Why do you share? Because you feel, that person is important in your life. You feel relieved by sharing and it also restores balance conundrum you are having with the issue. Sometimes you just need a person to listen, and most importantly you might get a new perspective on the issue, right?

Me: Yes, I agree with that.

John: Okay, now imagine a person putting some sad quotes as his status on any social media. Few people might ask, few people might not. If he keeps repeating this, no one cares and bother to text them, did you feel this anytime?

Me: Yes I did and I always wonder why does this happen. I mean people will have different issues to feel sad. 

John: You have just answered the question. People think they get used to sadness, I never understand this concept. How on earth can someone get used to sadness? He is squeaking that he needs someone to talk. We all know that loneliness is the leading cause for depression, but no one gives a rats ass. 

Me:  I agree! So this is how people get lonely? Man people should start caring.

John:  This is where you are wrong my friend. Why should someone care for you? Why should they listen to you when you want to talk? In the process of evolution, we are born alone. If we need company, then we would be born with that. Yes, it’s good to talk and share, but there is no compulsion that someone should listen.

Me:  I mean you are right, but if we stopped this it is not correct. Listening is the only selfless thing you can do.

John: Sorry to burst your bubble, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Nothing in this world is selfless, not a damn thing. It can be any task you do, and it’s same for all human beings. If you really care for them, you wouldn’t call it an act. You will call it to care, and care is not an act my friend.

Me:  You may be right, if they stopped listening, you wouldn’t care for them either, and the world turns into a big chaos.

John: You are wrong again, why would you stop caring if someone has stopped for you? You are the same guy and is not doing business in a relationship. You should be the same, no matter what. 

For example, two days ago when you were busy, I have updated status on being sad, I have got 70 views on that, but I got zero texts on asking what is wrong. But if any of them feels sad, I will be there for them.

Not because I’m selfless or something like that, that is because it is the way I’m and I really care for them no matter what. And when things become heavy, I directly talk to a few people whom I believe care for me.

This perspective of John has opened new doors of thinking for me in life. In the end to conclude, Loneliness is never a crave for attention, is a cry from for listening years. The least thing lonely people would want is attention. If you have an opportunity to listen to them, do listen. That helps them a lot. 

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Oh naive idiot!

HaHa! What an idiot you are.
Did you expect some niceness in return?
It is you that is bothered with niceness.
But not the world.

How naive of you!
To think that being nice,
Will make people nice.
The quality of nice,
Is nothing but a mirage.
They do think they are nice,
You soft skinned snowflake.

Truth is not the world is harsh.
It is you that is soft.
So small is your threshold,
So ignorant are you.

All the knowledge and nothing works.
All the trials and no one cares.
Everything is a psychological construct.
You reap what you sow,
You see what you think.

It never did mean that you sow niceness
And you reap niceness.
Whatever you sow,
Something you will get.

Wasted analogies,
Useless metaphors,
Generalising the world into meaningless sentences.

How logical is the comparison?
Is it just poetic but not real?
Of course not, how can sowing relate to life?
Yes of course, what you sow that you reap.

But it is not such in life,
It is only factual in sowing.
In reality you only control only what you do.
You do not control what the other does.

Hence, it doesn't necessarily mean that you sow what you reap.
Even metaphorically, it is nonsense.
You sow what you sow,
People sow what they sow,
What reaps, reaps.

Don't tell me now,
That you reap what you sow,
Because you don't know,
You can not know.
How naive can you be,
To think what you sow reaps.

Heck with rhymes,
Heck with structure.
Heck with rhetorics,
Heck with poetics,
Heck with quotations,
Heck with books,
Heck with learnings,
Heck with morals,
Heck with manners,
Heck with niceness,
And heck with you.
Oh naive, idiot!
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Entropy: Understanding And Importance Of It.

In the last science article, we have understood the concept of Particle Physics. In this article, we will understand the concept of “Entropy” and the Importance of it. 

Entropy: In simple terms, the entropy of a system is the measure of the amount of energy that cannot do work. It is a measurable physical characteristic generally associated with a state of disorder, randomness, or uncertainty in science terms.

The concept of entropy presents a deep insight into the area of natural change for various daily events. Not only in science, but entropy also helps us to understand the day to day events of our life.

The entropy concept was introduced by a German Scientist named “Rudolf Clausius” in the year 1865. Entropy came into existence to tackle a mathematical formulation to explain a body changes through heat transfer between that body and different environments.

Entropy applies to every part of our lives. It is inescapable, and even if we try to ignore it, the result is a breakdown of some kind. Indeed understanding entropy guides to a drastic difference in the way we see the universe.

Entropy also paved the way to one of the most Significant laws of physics. Entropy is one of the vital parts of “Second Law Of Thermodynamics.”

Second Law Of Thermodynamics: The second law states that “The total change in entropy of a system and its surroundings will always increase spontaneously.”

In simple terms, if no energy enters or leaves the system in all energy transfers, the state’s potential energy will always be less than that of the original state.

Applications Of Entropy:

  1. Understanding the surface time contributions of string theory. To learn more about string theory, click here.
  2. Measuring and manipulating the system based on the data gathered by computation in quantum physics. To learn more about quantum physics, click here. 
  3. Understanding the concept of Entropic Gravity to understand the concepts of relativity. To learn more about concepts of relativity, click here.
  4. Studying how dark matter is distributed among galaxies. To learn more about dark matter and dark energy, click here.
  5. Calculating why positrons repel each other in antimatter. To learn more about antimatter, click here.
  6. Studying the laws of thermodynamics on the event horizons of black holes. To learn more about black holes, click here.
  7. Grasping the gravitational properties of exotic properties in wormholes. To learn more about wormholes, click here.
  8. Learning why system leads to disorder in chaos theory. To learn more about chaos theory, click here.
  9. Deriving the concepts of particle position in particle physics. To learn more about particle physics, click here.
  10. Understanding deeply about civilizations on the Kardashev scale. To learn more about the Kardashev scale, click here.
  11. Learning on how a car runs by converting fuel into heat.
  12. To transmit a message via any channel. 
  13. The digestion of food, the digestion, is how food converts to energy for the body.

Thus the concept of entropy is very very important to understand many concepts of physics and real life.

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A writer and writings, a comprehensive affair

It is not so hard to write. All it takes to write is a mere will to write. The words start flowing, the letters start pairing up; making sentences. But what makes a sentence more than just readable? If one is a writer or if one is an enthusiast or an avid reader, it is no surprise to wonder what makes certain writings so attractive? How can some writings speak more than the words written? Now, that’s what makes the distinction between great writing and average writing. 

But it is a fact that when one is writing, they should not be bothered about the gradations and ranks of their level of writing. They should be worried about conveying what they want to write in a way that it is best understood. It’s all about how one writes the ‘what’ they write, and in a way that it is understood the way it is intended.

A writer can worry about the language later, it is the idea that acts as a soul of any writing. It is only common to see some writings that appear grammatically sound but speak nothing. These writings have complicated terminology that suits the likes of the elite, the classy terms. But when one cuts into the body of this content, there is no soul. There is no idea behind these sugarcoated words.

The content that a writer writes can be anything. It can be an underwear brand that the writer writes for, it is nothing inferior. No subject is inferior when it comes to writing. If one is writing about underwears, they must not make it sound inferior. It’s a necessary thing that we all wear, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Similarly, there are many subjects writers feel ashamed and stop doing their jobs to describe them better.

Take ‘anarchy’ for example, or in the modern-day, a ‘feminist’ is turning into a negative term. It is the writer that should take the blame for not describing the term correctly, or defending the negative use of the term. The writer takes the job without understanding the power held. What is written is never forgotten. It’s an idea that a writer implants into brains through letters and words.

It is not a mere sugarcoated paragraph that one writes. It’s a seed that can create a tree of thoughts giving birth to different seeds in the reader’s mind. Never forget that it is the idea that is before the presentation. Presentation is equally important too. It is a mutual dependency. Without an idea, even a fantastic presentation appears soulless. And without a proper presentation, the idea appears raw and naked. 

We have reached a point, that we don’t like things naked. Even if we did, we would never agree. The first instinct at the sight of the naked is to close one’s eyes regardless of their feelings towards the visual. Such is the scenario of an idea without an adequate presentation. Think of the presentation as ‘idea presented in as understandable and as acceptable to common mind’.

 We might have the urge to write something unacceptable, but if one desires a reader to comprehend the writing. The compromise of writing in a common language happens. If the reader is not a concern, if it is a journal that one writes; only then can one be excused for the crime of writing something incomprehensible.

Write to speak; to communicate. We always have our personal diaries to write things that only we understand.

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Learning From The Best: Feynman’s Method Of Learning.

In modern life, where we have an imaginary race with time, learning the things we want to has become difficult. One of my physics hero “Richard P Feynman” has got a technique to learn things in a speedy yet efficient way.

Richard P Feynman was one of the best physicist known to the world. He won a Nobel prize for fundamental work in quantum electrodynamics in the year 1965. If you want to learn more about quantum physics, click here.

Feynman is also known as the “Great Explainer” in the realm of science. When a person is a great explainer, his learning technique must be excellent. I have personally used this technique, and the results I have been getting are fantastic.  

Feynman’s technique is not just to learn maths or science. The method can be used to learn anything fastly and very efficiently. There are four steps involved in this technique, and they are as follows.

1.Write Down The Subject: Take a paper or any smart device (Laptop or a phone), and write the title. After that, write everything you know about the topic. If you find new information, keep adding to your topic. Make 

sure to include as much important information as possible.

2.Teach It To A Kid: This is one of the most essential and exciting steps of this technique. Note down as much as you can and teach the concept to the kids. If you do not have any toddler, make your brain a six-year-old one and start teaching it.

Teaching kids has many implications, and that has many advantages. One of them is attention span; kids have the least attention span possible. So you can treat the explanation as an elevator pitch and explain the concept in as less time as possible.  

kids also ask many questions when they learn or see something. By getting more questions, you will research more on the subject to find answers. By doing that, you will understand it deeply and cover all the basics.

3. Identify The Gaps: This is the time where the actual learning starts. Identify all the gaps like what did you miss? What didn’t you know? So on and so forth. Identify all the gaps that are missing in your learning and make a list. After this, go back to your sources, find answers for them and keep repeating until you are convinced. 

4. Organise And Simplify: After identifying and filling the gaps, organise all your learning. In the next step, simplify the language of the notes you have written. If you can express the concept, you have learnt in the simplest words possible, my friend you have learnt it through and through. 

The above method is Feynman’s technique of learning anything. As I said above, I have been using this since the past few weeks, and I got some fantastic results. If you have any other methods, do let us know by emailing us or messaging us on any of our social media platforms.

Before we end, I wanted to wish you all a very Happy New Year from my friends and me at Penfluky. Stay safe, be smart, keep an eye on your loves ones and happy learning. 

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Paava kadhaigal – A Movie review

Paava Kadhaigal, an apt title for such a wonderful anthology. This anthology speaks about four different stories with one common emotion, the honour killings. Directed by Sudha Kongara, Gautham Menon, Vetrimaaran and Vignesh Shivan, one story each. This is an anthology that portrays humans’ cruelty to sustain the honour in society.
The series begins with a beautiful graphic story that briefs all the tales in a nutshell played with a soulful BGM.

The concept-

As the series runs around the concept of honour killings, each story tells a different tale of why and how honour killings happen. Though centuries have passed, specific ideas still aren’t passe like “honour killings”. It is a beautiful concept to talk about as people should progress as the world is progressing.

The narration-

Every story has been narrated with a subtility that one can’t ignore the reality behind such stories. But one story that didn’t strike the heartstrings was the story directed by Vignesh Shivan. It stands last when compared with other stories of Paava Kadhaigal.

All angles study-

While the stories got us goosebumps with the hits and punches of emotions, some memorable scenes need light.
In the first story, Kalidas Jayaram plays Sattharu who just wooed us with his performance. The dialogue, “People either got irritated if I go close or came close to me with lust, no one ever hugged me with love!” brought a massive thought into how trans people are treated in society. Kalidas just lived through every tear he shed for the role. The song, “Thangame Thangame” still echoes in my ears.

In the second story, Jyothi, played by Anjali, expresses a deep emotion when she cries before her sister’s dead body.

In the third story, the chemistry between Mathi and Satya played by Simran, and Gautam Menon perfectly worked. When they are happy to when they are sad, the shift of emotions and expressions portrayed a perfect couple.

In the fourth story, Sumathi, played by Sai Pallavi, performed exceptionally in the climax scene. The conversation between Sumathi and Janakiram played by Prakash Raj is heartbreaking.

There are a few parts that are questionable in the series. Every swear word used in Paava Kadhaigal is women-centric. Where such liberal stories are spoken, these words shouldn’t hinder the audiences’ ears. We understand when they are used in anger, but story directed by Vignesh Shivan made a whole scene with swear words which had no purpose. The climax is an epic fail as there wasn’t a need to show that Jothi acted as a lesbian while she isn’t. It could have been better if the story had ended as if Jothi is lesbian.

That being said, there is too much to be told and consumed in this series. One cannot go without tears rolling in the eyes after watching Paava Kadhaigal. The foolishness of humans to have a hold of pride and honour in the name of caste, religion, status, societal standards should be stopped, and for what, Paava Kadhaigal is the answer!

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Efficacy In Existence, A True Endeavour.

On a Saturday evening, I completed my work and scrolling through my social media. Liking memes and just passing the time. A rare moment where the efficacy of my sadness it not taking over. After some time, there was a chime on the phone. 

It is my friend Charvi. She is one of the good buddies I have, and we talk regularly and a lot of stuff. If I feel low or want to share something, I’m pretty sure that her inbox is always open. The text says she has something important to talk and come to Instagram. I opened it, and here is how the conversation goes.

Charvi:  Hey. Hi, listen, I have something important to say.

 Me:  Yes, madame, at your service!

Charvi: Hahaha, okay this is important, listen carefully.

Me: You robbed a bank, and now the police are chasing you? 

Charvi: Yeah, I even got a cure for stupidity, but sadly its efficacy is only on humans. Sorry, can’t fix you. Now shut up and listen. 

Me: Lol, okay, go ahead.

Charvi: Okay, so my parents are findings options for me to marry. I don’t know that guy. I’m a bit nervous, and I don’t want to marry now. I want to stand up for myself, fulfil my dreams and then think of marriage. What to do? 

Me: Okay, I understand what position you are in right now. Marriage is must be mutual between two people. If you are not comfortable, tell them that you are not. If you have dreams, you must chase them.

Charvi: Yeah, I wish it is that easy. Me going to my parents and saying I want to chase dreams and don’t want to marry. Would they listen to me? 

Me: It is better to sit and talk before taking an important decision in your life. If you decide to marry, the person coming to your life will be with you for at least the next 40 years. So, think and talk in all the ways possible. 

Charvi: Yeah, I will gather up the courage to talk to them. Gosh! I wish this were easy. Why don’t we have ideal efficacy everywhere in life? If I don’t marry, I will make my parents unhappy. Why should it be like this?

Me: Well, to be honest, we humans created these boundaries. We feel to care for loved ones’ decision because we give value to them in our life. It varies from person to person. I’m sure you will come up with a way to convince your parents and follow your dreams.

Charvi: Easy for you to say! You always have people who care for you. You always tell stories about your friends and how they care for you. I feel jealous sometimes on you and want to be in your shoes.

Me: Lol, to be very honest, those days were gone. The error is on both sides. I stopped sharing the incidents that are happening, and ears who used to listen have stopped hearing. Now those eyes hate me and that ears don’t search for my voice. 

Charvi: Oh, shut up! You make this shit up in your brain. Your friends love you, and I have seen Instagram stories and stuff. Stop creating scenarios for yourself and be what you are. People who care for you love you.

Me: Well, to be brutally honest “no”. People who used to care for me don’t do that anymore. I cared for them even if they got a papercut. I used to ask how they were and used to talk. Recently I literally posted a suicide note article on my social media. No one gave a “fuck.” 

 Not only that I posted a lot of sad stuff, and I even posted that I was depressed. No one batted an eye, and I even went through some tests medically. They knew this and didn’t bother to ask what happened. These are the same people who said, “We are there” “we will talk to you no matter what.” 

Charvi: Oh my god! What happened? Are you okay?

Me: There is nothing new, the usual family issues. Adding to that, even my organisation hated me, to which, I was most loyal started hating me. I made a few mistakes, told apologies in all the ways possible. It hurts when you feel like you annoy the person who you respect you the most. 

Charvi: Oh, gosh! You must be devastated! I’m so sorry. How are you now? I’m sure you hate those people now.

Me: I’m okay, I guess, and I don’t hate them to be very honest. If I know they are having problems; I will message the same way and find out if everything is okay. It is not that I’m good or bad; it is just the way I’m. 

I respect those people without any tags and will continue to do so no matter what. The feelings I have for those people are not under business terms. It is under care, trust and love. That is the real efficacy of a relation.

Charvi: I wish I were not busy these days! I wish I would have talked to you. It’s okay; it is not too late. I’m here for you.

Me: Thanks for that, I know you are always there. Everyone says people should be self-sufficient, self-dependent and stuff. But I tell people should have to be able to self-hold themselves. When there is no one to hold your hand, you must be able to hold yourself and move ahead.

On the other hand, when I expressed these th0ughts through my writings they called me I was craving attention. I’m being a drama queen on this. I didn’t know this attracted attention until I read from their shoes. I was just expressing my emotions.

Yes it hurts, and it’s depressing but, if no one is ready to be with you or left you for any reason, you must be able to love and live with you. Even if you remove all the people and relations in your life, you exist, and that is a fact. This is what I believe the real efficacy of life.

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Closure In Life: A Self Guided Way To Move On.

In our day to day life, we might come across from many difficult situations. Some situations might be very tough to move on and find closure. Not only daily incidents, but even past trauma also affects us in finding closure.

By this, we will have a lot of physical and mental health issues. On the other hand, if we are not able to find closure, the trauma always haunts us, and that is never a good sign to find peace.

In this article, I will share a way to find closure and move on. Before we begin, I want to say this is my method which I’m following this method for the past two weeks and it helped a lot,

I designed this method in a few steps which are easy to follow. You can follow them and divert yourself slowly away from trauma. If you have any method, let us know by emailing us messaging us on social media. 

1.Finding An Acoustic Spot: First of all, find a space where you can sit and be yourself. It can be in your house, in your room, your chair or anything. It can be any location where you can sit comfortably. 

2.Collecting Moments: Once you are in your spot, start collecting moments. Write down the incidents that made you smile for the day. I suggest you do that at the end of the day so that you can write more things.

You need not literally write, you can type them on your computer, laptop, or you can install a notepad app and type them on your phone. Make sure to not forget even of the tiny things that made you smile.

3.Donot Maintain Duality: When you are in your zone, don’t maintain duality. Never think about the things that made you sad when you are in your spot and writing the things that made you smile. Just concentrate on collecting smiles.

4.Read It The Next Day: Once you have made the list of smiles read it when you are starting your next day. By this, you will start the day by smiling, which gives an excellent start to the day ahead.

Not only this, by smiling you release dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released into your bloodstream. By doing this, your body relaxes, and it also works to lower your heart rate and blood pressure. That is a perfect start!

4.Challenge Yourself: You can challenge yourself if you remember trauma or sad. For example, if you are at work and remember anything challenge yourself at doing work by keeping timers. By this, you will deviate from thinking about your sadness.

For example, if you generally prepare a ppt in 30 minutes, keep a timer and try designing it in 20 minutes. By this, even if you don’t meet the timer, you won’t lose anything, if you do, that’s good progress.

5.Solve Your Issues With People: If you are having any petty issues with people who are affecting your closure, solve them. Just apologise or accept the apology and accept them into your life. Talk to them and feel better.

It is one life we are going to live. What will you do with all the hate and guilt? How many days will you suffer or makes others suffer for some petty issues or misunderstandings? Clear them and keep moving.

6. Find More Time For Yourself:  You can try new hobbies that you are interested to try for a long time. You can get a pet, watch a good movie you want to watch, cook food that you like most etc.,

By doing the above steps, you will find a natural deviation from the things you are feeling sad. If you fixate on finding deviation from anything, you will keep thinking about it always so try deviating as naturally as possible.

You will also realise that you found closure within you and don’t need that particular person or feeling to find it for you. You are perfect and happy the way you are. Now that is called finding closure my friends.

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Friends Who Made Best Memories Became A Memory.

From childhood, I have a dream of having best friends,
A relationship very awesome, and that never ends.
we would meet and have much fun together,
We would always watch out for each other.

Finally, One day I got excellent friends,
That is the end of my sorrows.
We used to always talk something,
We had no secret and shared everything.

I was happy and having the best time,
It was like watching the beautiful sunshine.
We used to have different conversations,
We are getting to know each other spaces.

One day, my friends left me because of a misunderstanding,
By that sight, I see my worlds inside my disbanding.
I couldn’t take what was happening,
The world to me is shattering.

I tried all the ways of apologising,
The pain in me started agonising.
Worst part of losing best friends is that you can’t tell them about it,
The pain in my heart is unbearable and has a different kind of hit.

I tried to message my friends on social media,
I went to type a message, but I had no idea.
Days passed by, and they started to forget me,
Without me, they are delighted clearly.

We are now not friends, nor enemies,
Just strangers with some memories.
Some tears are silent because we are too scared to cry out loud,
I have shared everything with them; all I got is a sadness cloud.

To my best friend, I love you no matter what happens,
If you could understand and forgive me, that is my happiness.
You were with me; I used to love me more,
Now you are not there; I don’t think I will like me anymore.

If you are happy without me, I’m ready to suffer,
I will bear the sadness, no matter how tougher.

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String Theory and Philosophy, A Perfect Puppet Show Of Life.

We have been on this planet for around 5 to 7 million years. We have discovered a lot of things for survival, comfort, luxury, so and so forth. With the help of science, we were able to do tremendous things like space travel, mars rover etc. One of such achievements to unite everything or a universal theory is string theory.

String theory states that the fundamental elements of the universe are one-dimensional “strings” rather than point-like particles what we observe as particles are vibrations in loops of string, each with its characteristic frequency. It is like a guitar string when pulled instead of making sounds each vibration is a different particle. If you want to learn more on string theory, click here.

So you might be doubting string theory is science and on the other hand, philosophy is entirely different. How are they two linked? I will explain that. Before we proceed, I want to say that this is an observation of mine. I might be wrong, but this is the closest observation I could get out of science and philosophy for living creatures on earth.

As we all know, almost every human is born the same. The same number of organs, the exact size of organs, and we are very similar to each other in terms of functionality of the body in physical form. Some of the children are born with rare conditions, that is due to the evolution of cells in reverse order or mutation of cells. 

Cells are the fundamental structures of a human or animal body. A group of cells form a tissue, a group of tissues form an organ, and that creates a human body. If we study cell deeply and go the deep of it, a cell is a type of matter. The matter is nothing but a substance which has mass and takes up space.

If we divide matter further, we get atoms and sub-atomic particles. Therefore, atoms make up everything on this planet. If we take string theory into this, the sub-atomic particles which are not visible to the naked eye are considered as strings for better understanding of the universe and get a complete view of existence by science.

All the sub-atomic particles will have the same properties to prove this. This is at a physical level, and with the help of biology and science, we can confirm that it is identical for all the humans. But when we go to the mental level which is inside of humans, things change drastically as every human doesn’t think the same.

You can take any scenario, and humans tend to think differently and have different opinions. To prove that scientifically, all humans should be able to express the same emotions or feel the same about one scenario. But in an ideal situation that is not possible.

So, we take the help of philosophy to explain human behaviour. Philosophy tends to study peoples behaviour and attitude in different scenarios. Science and philosophy go hand in hand to help us understand almost everything about the universe. By using the same, we can study about nearly everything. 

The story is incredible so far, but what if we try uniting the concepts of science and philosophy? Things get a bit complicated, but let’s try it. Taking string theory from science, each particle vibration produces different frequency and acts differently. As everything around is the matter, we act according to its vibrations. 

According to science, we are all made of star material and space matter. So, if we still dive deep, the particles vibrating at a star which are considered as strings attach to the vibrating matter around us which are again vibrating strings. So on a giant scale, we look like puppets acting on this big canvas. Just imagine how fantastic it is!

The philosophy here kicks in in the form on conscious of the human and his nature. His conscious decides if he is reacting in the right away to the matter around him. By this, we can unite the science of string theory and philosophy of human to form the perfect approach to explain everything. 

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Books That Can Make You A Pro In Science.

In the past ten weeks, we have learnt ten science concepts which help us understand the universe in simple term. As we have reached ten parts for that, In this article, let us do something different. In the modern world where we are racing against time, the curiosity to learn is shrinking daily. and In this article, I will suggest some books which have simple language yet very efficient to understand complex concepts. 

Before we proceed, if you are looking for some good books to read during your free time, my good friend and the one of the fellow author wrote an article on that topic. You can click here to read that. I’m not ranking the books; I’m just mentioning them as they come to my mind.

1.) Brief Answers to the Big Questions: 

Written by one of the great minds of the world “Stephen Hawking”, this book is a must-have if you are interested to learn basic physics concepts. The book is straightforward to read and has that Hawking’s narration style.

Hawking’s narration is unique and has subtle humour to it. Therefore, it makes complicated topics sound much easier and enjoyable to read. The book is pretty straightforward, and it answers big questions very briefly and crisply. 

2.) The Elegant Universe:

Written by one of the renowned physicist “Brian Greene”, this one of the books that cover String Theory. In this book, Greene uses the best approach to explain string theory in all the fields possible. The book has an elementary language.

It is that simple that you will never get a feeling you are studying one of the most challenging concepts of physics. A must-have books if you are interested to learn more on string theory and the applications of it.

3.) The Feynman Lectures on Physics:

Written by one of the great physicists, of all time, Nobel Laureate and an inspiration to many across the world “Richard P. Feynman.” Feynman’s narration is so excellent that you will fall in love with that just with the preface.

Feynman has a quote saying ” if you want to master something teach it” and he is also known as “The Great Explainer.” So by that, you can figure out how good of a teacher he was. One of the best books you can read in the realm of science.

4.) Astrophysics for People in a Hurry:

Written by one of the best orators of the physics world “Neil deGrasse Tyson” this is one of the best books of astrophysics. You will fall in love with Tyson’s clear, funny and crisp way of presenting the topics.

Tyson covered almost everything from the origin of the universe in the shortest format possible. He covered all the topics that are important and required. One of the best books ever written on astrophysics and science.

5.) A Brief History of Time: 

Back to the great again, written by “Stephen Hawking”, this is one of the best sellers of all the time under science genre. Selling over 10 million copies, this is one of the most elegant books in the realm of science.

Hawking with humour and impeccable narration explained the concepts of time and space in the best possible manner. One of the must-have books if you are a science lover.

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favourite (n.) and their favours (v.)

What is in debt may never die

Sitting in the old wooden cafe, Sir Donald McDouchey sips his chai tea and puts the teacup back on the table. He looks around and notices the waiter looking at him eagerly with a half-baked smile. “Touche, you said right. The chai touched my ganglia and gave my mind the best orgasm it had in years” he spoke out moving his lips forward and wiping the traces of tea drops off his whiskers for the royal douche he is.

The waiter bent a bow and went back to the kitchen that looks like an uncleaned coal factory. He picked a notepad from his desk and wrote ‘+1’ beside the name “McDouchey”. The list read ‘Compliments and favours’. The waiter noticed that it was the first compliment he had received in 6 months and dropped his jaw in disapproval. “De Spice” someone calls the waiter that brought him back to the world. “There is a gentleman waiting at table 6” the coarse voice, guided De Spice to the sitting area.

“Ego De Spice is free sir. You are not my favourite anymore” waiter turned towards the coarse voice with pride on his face. “What do you mean?” the rude man asked. “Sir McDouchey complimented me!” De Spice jumped and threw the pad at the rough man, and he caught it. The rude man looks at the pad with wide-open eyes “But.. but” he uttered. “I have returned your favour by gaining three compliments, sir. It took me one year to get three, but yes, I have done it” De Spice pulls his waiter suit tearing the buttons. He threw the uniform and went out of the cafe dancing on his toes.

When he made a move on the street, closing his eyes, he heard the sound of a wooden wheel on the rocky road. He opens his eyes to the sound of two horses. He is astonished to see a cart that is about to hit him, but he was immovable. Right when the carriage almost dashed into De Spice, a hand grabs his arm and pulls him over the pavement. De Spice trembles with this near-death experience. He turns slowly towards the hand that held him. To his surprise, it was the rude man, the owner of the cafe. The rude man had a grin on his face. De Spice wished he was dead instead of being saved by this grinning cunt. “No, No, No!” De Spice cried. “I saved your life, Monsieur Ego De Spice” the owner grinned again.

The rude owner threw the uniform on the face of De Spice as he falls to the ground on his knees cries a big “Nooooooooo.”

The Favourite

It was early spring, and Micheal sits on the cliff looking at the newborn leaves of the plants around the hilltop. Something distracts him, and it is none other than his friend, Carmen Isabich. “Heyyo, Michael Angello” shouts Isabich in a relatively low voice making an O of his mouth. “Not again” Michael sighed, looking at Isabich’s annoying face. “You don’t need to make a face, Is-A-Bitch, your presence is enough to annoy me” Michael shouts. “It’s Isabich!” Isabich yells and hits on Michael’s back. 

Isabich sits beside Michael and rests his head over Michael’s shoulder. “Is letting you rest your head on my shoulder a favour?” Michael asks curiously. “No!” Isabich takes his head back. “You are getting too commercial” Isabich frowns. “That’s how the world is, Carmen. You need to be cautious. You are 16, and you already took more than a hundred favours!” Michael complains. “Well, I repaid 87 of them” Isabich justifies. “Who are your favourites?” Michael asks curiously.

“Well, the baker guy is the most favourite one. He had lent me croissants and occasionally baguettes. I owed him 21 croissants and seven baguettes. I am coming from the shop finishing the last batch of croissants for him. That leaves seven baguettes. Wait.. err.. 21 minus 7 minus 5” Isabich keeps on counting using his fingers and subtracting digits in the air. Michael stops paying attention. He looks at the newborn leaves again, and he observes a caterpillar munching these tender leaves.

“Don’t you think it is annoying?” Michael asks Isabich. “Everything annoys you, Michael. I annoy you, the caterpillar annoys you, and even your father annoys you. Name something that doesn’t annoy you!” Isabich moans. “Shut up, Is-A-Bitch! It isn’t fair; this favour business. It should be a choice to return the favour. It is unfair to force people to return the favours” Michael explains. “My father says only anarchists and heathens who are lazy to live make such statements” Isabich frowns looking away from Michael. “I don’t think being either of them is a bad thing” Michael continues justifying his thoughts.

“It is terrible to think like that. If you take a favour, you should return it!” Isabich yells and pushes Michael a bit. “Oh yeah, please remind me of the number of favours I took, please Monsieur Karma Is-A-Bitch, why don’t you enlighten me!” Michael shouts sarcastically. “Just because you never took favours doesn’t mean you are a Buddhist monk. Should I remind you about your old man? About how he ran away leaving you all behind? I’m sorry but if he didn’t take too many favours and returned most of them at least, you would have been like me too, normal and not-weird!” Isabich slipped his mouth, but he regretted it instantly.

“I should never have said that, Michael. I’m sorry” Isabich tries to apologise. Michael couldn’t take the insult and gets up, but the mushy mud makes his foot slip. Michael slipped from the cliff but he hanged on to a rock. His upper body was still on edge, and he was losing his grip by each second. Isabich jumped to his feet and held Michael’s hands, applying pressure and making it easy for Michael to jump up. “Move!” Michael yells. “What the hell Michael!” Isabich yells. “I don’t want your favour!” Michael cries. “Michael! Fuck it! Let me help you. What if I become your favourite? It is no big deal!” Isabich tries to make sense out of Michale’s mind.

Michaels pushes away Isabich’s hand and tries to climb up using his tummy and chest. He moved his chest and abdomen like a caterpillar, distributing his body weight from his hands to his torso. Isabich stood there helpless because Michael is pushing him away. “I will help myself! If I die, I die. I don’t want any favours, and I will have no favourites that suck the life out of me. I won’t spend my life returning the favours” Michael shouts. “But Michael, it is not a big deal” Isabich cries with teary eyes. 

“Don’t you know that the favour for saving life burdens me with being indebted to you till you die? You become my forever favourite! I hate to return your favour by doing everything I can to you. I don’t want to lose my naturality by making you my forever favourite, Isabich!” Michael begins to lose grip. “Fuck you!” Isabich holds Michael’s hands. In the act of pushing the hands away, Michael loses his grip. He starts falling. “Live free, Mr. Karma Is-A-biiiiiiiiiitchh.” 

*Thud*

Isabich never looked back. He never climbed that mountain; returned his favours, and never retook one. He also made sure that there were no favourites. For the favours, he accidentally did to other people he never reminded them, because he didn’t want to be their favourite either. Isabich became the very lazy anarchist and the heathen that his father warned him. Sometimes he thought “Is Michael my favourite because he favoured me by passing this knowledge?” 

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Lone Wolf Philosophy: True Tenacity To The Pack

In the world of philosophy, there are concepts for each and everything. It is not silly; philosophy covers every small thing and helps us to think on a broader scale. You might have heard several times about the term “Lone Wolf.” There is a profound philosophy behind this.

Lone Wolf philosophy comes from the wolves which are away from the pack. They generally spend time alone instead of the group. A human lone wolf is a person who acts freely and likes to do everything on their own, favours solitude, expresses introversion, or works alone.

Lone Wolf theory asks for direct knowledge of the world. A predator charges in and destroys a community. Then a Lone Wolf takes control, drains the swamp, and returns things to a previous point of balance. You can compare this to the feelings rush in mind. After the rush, you sit alone and sort everything and go back to normality.

This is the trait of Lone Wolf personality. If we give a deep thought, we all have this personality. When everything goes out of the way, we prefer to sit down, be alone, sort the things and move on. Even after sorting things, we like to be alone or few people to find peace and eventually meet others.

Some exhibit this personality on a larger scale in their daily activities. They even embed this into their character and always tend to be alone. It can happen due to various reasons. They may have trust issues, family issues, some trauma, or it may be anything related to their personal life.

If we study the personality in deep, the Lone Wolves are very hard working. As they prefer to work alone, they work for longer times to complete the tasks. They also make mistakes and will be very quick to correct as they do not like to depend on others.

The research skills are excellent as the dependency is very minimal. Lone Wolves thrive on data and extract information very well. Countering to that, as the dependence on others is very minimal, the work might be slow. But the information will be elaborate and covers all the angles.

Lone Wolves are also excellent friends and listeners. They will only have a handful of people to whom they talk to, but they genuinely love and respect them. This is because they see people as people and not use them for needs. No matter what happens, they respect them and treat them with love.

Lone Wolves are also excellent team members. As their dedication is sublime, they tend to learn everything and be on top. Not because they want to, but because to avoid interactions. On the counter, as they are not expressive, they may not give correct opinions on ideas that are put forward.

There are not only positives but also negatives. They significantly overthink any situation. Due to this, they imagine scenarios that don’t happen and go the extremity of it. As they don’t talk much, they lack expression and couldn’t speak out on their perceptions or opinions.

As they remain isolated or prefers being alone, they are more susceptible to depression. They are also sensitive towards various health conditions like trauma, insomnia, bipolar disorder and even worse schizophrenia. Mental health conditions mainly affect them due to lack of expression.

This is the basic understanding of the Lone Wolf philosophy and how humans express it by their personality.

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Existence Is Not The Question, How You Do Is.

In our everyday life, most of us tend to question our existence. Questions like “why do I exist?” “Why should I suffer in this existence?” or statements like “I wish I never existed.” “My existence is worthless.” I think we are doing it in the wrong way.

Firstly, let us state the facts. We exist and that it the ultimate truth. You can deny, question and do everything, but we exist, and you cannot deny that. You were the fastest sperm to reach the egg and you are born, and you live. No matter how much denial you have, it doesn’t matter. The point is you exist. 

You can prove your existence by science, spirituality, religion or any medium possible. You can take any science book from beginner to advanced or any religious book of any religion. They explain human existence. 

Now, as we are on the same level, lets us ask the correct question. How do you exist? Yes, the question is slightly weird but give it a thought. Well, the thing is there is no universal theory on how a human should or will exist. Because we all are just leading the life.

Yes, many of us may disagree, but we are leading a life not living it. Because we are dependent, we cannot live even one day without depending on others. From the milk in the morning to the bed in the night, someone has helped us to live in a better way. 

Not only the physical needs, but we are dependent emotionally as well. You might be having a rough day, feeling sad, feeling lonely and many more. We look for human contact so that we can share the same with them and probably move past it after sharing. 

The problem comes with emotional needs. I mean if a grocery shop provides you with the worst support you simply go to a different shop and buy groceries. You don’t go to the owner and ask what is wrong and have a talk, right? 

But when it comes to people, we tend to find out what is wrong with them and why are they not talking to us the way they used to talk to us. This is because people are not just objects, and you cannot replace them just like that. They have more value in our life than materialistic things. We tend to ask ourselves a lot of questions when they don’t behave the same way.

So the question of existence mainly comes when the people don’t behave with us the way they used to be. They may not speak to us for various reasons. You might have done something wrong, something they don’t like, or you might have hurt them not knowingly.

You start to question yourself and blame yourself for being stupid. Gradually, this fills up your mind, and there will be no space. Even the slightest of the things irritate you, and you want that person to speak with you. Eventually, you only feel sad or angry and go to trance and begin to question everything.

You want to avoid or not live in the moment, and ultimately you question your existence. I’m not saying this process is right or wrong; I’m saying the question is not logical. Yes, I understand it hurts very much, but clinging on to one emotion makes you lose everything. It devastates you on a large scale.

The person can be your friend, colleague, girlfriend, boyfriend, parents, siblings, close cousin; it can be anyone. You might have apologised tons of times for the mistake. You might not have made any mistake with your consciousness, or it may be you thinking that person ignores you or hates you. 

It can be anything, don’t question your existence or cling on to one emotion. It is not good at all. If you care for that person, you have to respect their decision of ignoring you. That is the essence of true relation. I have faced many in the past and started thinking the same recently.

By recently, I don’t mean days or months; I mean hours. and I stopped questioning why I exist and clinging to one emotion. I see the old joyful version of myself. I’m not saying to ignore the people who ignore you. I’m saying be the same you are with them but do give a value to yourself as well. 

In the end, you may love yourself or hate yourself, but you have to realise that you exist. If you genuinely respect and care for any other person, you should have the same respect for yourself. Not because of pity or something, but because you exist and that matters. 

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The Devil inside me

How beautiful the horror you create,

To those who give you agony,

The tears that fall fill my heart,

Deep and dense they touch me,

The smile you hide but I do,

When you have a guilty pleasure,

Sometimes I fear if I am an animal,

As I hold the hunger to feed,

But then i realize it yet again,

I am a catastrophe beyond a nightmare,

But hey you! Are you guilty of having me?

Do I need to tell you that I am everywhere,

Hidden in the mask of niceness,

Laughing behind the white screen,

No matter how much you try,

I am something you can’t deny,

For the fact is you are made of two sides,

The angel and the devil!

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Self-Portrait: The Colorless Dead Canvas.

Hey guys, This is Mourya. I’m writing a self-portrait today. For avid readers, you may know me as the creator of the character “John” and the guy who writes science articles. When I thought of writing a self-portrait, I was confused because I have no idea.

Yes, I don’t know what my actual portrait is. But I took it as a challenge and decided to write it. Generally, I take around 1 hour to write an article, before that an hour to research. But this one took almost four days and no research needed as it was about me. So this means a lot.

Before the self-portrait, I will say a few characteristics that may describe my personality in turn, express my portrait. My day starts at night, yes I’m a night shift warrior. My job is to get yelled for software of a device not working fine. I’m from the escalations department from one of the biggest companies.

It doesn’t just stop at yelling; it goes to cusses. The worst cusses a man would ever want to hear from a stranger. And I will be in that weird position where I can’t say anything. It just feels like I deserve all of that or I got used to it. In reality, I don’t as I value myself a bit.

I don’t like formality while speaking with my buddies. I prefer if anyone would talk to me with sarcasm, a bit of friendly trolling and stuff. It makes me feel that person is close to me. When you think a person is close, you don’t say “Hey is this the right time to call? You just call and talk to them. It feels genuine.

I like being honest, and people who are honest with me. If there is anything, I would love it if people came up to me and say it to my face. It feels like they really care. Without criticism and honesty, I believe we cannot grow in life. There has to be someone who can say the things as they are to you.

I like to divert myself when I’m alone. One of my main diversion is writing stories and creating music. I don’t know anything technical about music. I open the software and add random tunes to it. Other than that, I listen to songs or message my friends or listen to standup comedy. Those who are free reply back and we have fun.

If I cannot find diversion for myself, I will go deep down into thoughts in a dark and closed environment. Once I spent six hours in a dark and closed room thinking about random stuff. My mind is always in my room, and I spend almost 22 hours a day in it.

No one talks to me in the house due to shift timings and other things. Even though I live with my family, I do my chores like cleaning, cooking and other stuff. I tend to apologize a lot due to sorry syndrome I got from PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder). I only do this if that person is important to me, and I mean every apology I say.

If anyone asks if something is wrong, I will use the phrase “sab changa si” it is a Punjabi ( a language of India) phrase which means “everything is fine.” But if anyone comes and asks, how are you? I may shed a tear. I can handle other emotions but, cannot hold it when the issue is sensitive.

A lot of shitty things happen with me daily, but I tend not to share them with anyone. Not because of privacy or something, but if any sane person listened to them, their day would be wasted. I tend to keep them myself and keep pushing the day.

I got some fantastic friends, some of them I made recently and some for the past eight years. I have got only a few, but they are just a simple text or call away. I adore them and respect them, and I believe they do the same. I share almost everything except this daily shit with them.

This lockdown has a significant impact on this self-portrait, especially November month. There are a lot of sleepless nights and cries, and I got to see life from different angles. I’m proud of myself that I survived that. It was like a never-ending nightmare personally and professionally for straight 30 days.

Summing up the self-portrait, sitting in a closed room, I have always looked for closure. The ideas from my mind bounced flew and hit the closed walls. They jumped right off and hit my brain again, and I’m sad again. I think I’m a regular guy who always finds emptiness or has emptiness. It must be one or the other.

A bit good if I give it a deep thought. I used to smile by looking myself in the mirror. I used to like the genuine nature in that. Its been almost seven months I saw any mirror. I rarely do that. In reality, we exist, but if you ask to portray me, I wish I never existed in this reality. I don’t think it would have made much of a difference to anyone, but I’m done being sad for myself.

But I exist, so that is my Self-portrait—a tragic guy working on himself. Still looking for closure but couldn’t find any. A colour less dead canvas where no one wants to look. I do not like myself like this. Honestly, none will like a whiny guy. But I’m working on myself and hope to see the light on the other end.

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My lies and the truth of it!

Well, I always have this tendency to slip on some of my personal experiences into my stories, poems and every article I write. But today, we have all decided to write a direct self-portrait. So, not only will I be writing my personal things and I would also be accepting that it is indeed personal! Well, I’m cool with the former, but the latter is what makes this topic interesting! I would talk about how I told too many lies and how I am quite opposite of that now: honest!

I will begin with sharing how I feel about my lies and manipulation. Being a liar and manipulator was not a big deal for me. Since I started remembering things, I have always been a fiction writer. I grew up reading stories, watching movies and something made me write stories and imagine fiction through real life. And I pretty much used this skill vocally to manipulate people and get what I want. 

Well, I know that it sounds creepy, but I never did harm with my pathological lying. There were times when I lied everything about me to strangers and I would find it amusing the way I construct these lies with partial truths. I love telling lies, I think it is an art that only few can truly master. I have reached a level that I could almost lie anything to get what I want. And that’s when I realised that it will continue to be toxic!

I was too quick on my senses and put a barricade to my habit of manipulating people into things for myself. Not because of some care towards the society or something like that, but because I just lost the kick in it. It made my life easier, like using cheat codes. It also did complicate my life a bit, because I had told different lies to different people and I frequently forgot which part I lied. At one point, when I saw the void. I realised that nothing is of any value. And I just preferred crude honesty.

I didn’t see the point in lying anymore. Because honesty is a virtue that only few possess. It is not like everybody is a lying piece of shit, but the euphemisms and diplomacy kill most of the truth in a sentence. I found a kick in the ability of being pathologically honest. I found it interesting when people get surprised just for being open about everything.

By 16, I have turned into this thing who is honest to a level that I sometimes freaked and grossed out people. But I kept loving it. Sometimes my inner demon still asks me to lie, but I choose not to, because there is no fun in it. I know the consequences of lying and manipulating, they alienate yourself from you. One fine day there will be no true self in you and you will face the void like I did. And trust me, the feeling of ‘having nothing of my own’ troubles one to an extent that they would find no kick in living.

If I lose, I lose. If I win, I win, and If I am a cunt, cunt I am! Nothing’s gonna change what I am, regardless of me hiding it and lying about it. So, there is nothing that can stop one from being themselves. It is the proudest and most fundamental thing a conscious being can have- the feeling of being oneself! So, years since I have left lying for no reason. And to be honest, I just love doing things that make me feel the ‘hit’, the kick! I have been telling this frequently, so I would end this note by stating one of my favorite slogans. “Find yourselves, respect yourselves and find your own kick!” Because no-one else will do anything for you, it is your mistake to expect someone to. 

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SIMPLE UNDERSTANDING OF THE COMPLEX UNIVERSE PART-10.

In the last article, we have learnt the concept of “Particle Physics”. In this article, lets study the concept of “Kardashev Scale.”

We as a human race has faced many disasters and calamities. Natural calamities like earthquakes, floods, volcanos etc., Therefore, it is safe to assume that our ancestors have struggled a lot.

There are also good things that are going for us. Good things like space exploration, mars rover, vaccines and medication for few deadly diseases etc. We were successful to use science for our luxury and development.

What if, there was a scale to track the development of science and the chaos caused in the world. A scale would be awesome to measure it. One of the scales is “Kardashev Scale.”

Kardashev Scale: The Kardashev scale is a  hypothetical scale for measuring a civilization’s technological advancement based on the amount of energy it has available to it. In other words, the Kardashev scale is a method of measuring a civilization’s level of technological advancement based on the amount of energy they can use.

In 1964 a Russian Astronomer named “Nikolai Kardashev” came up with this idea. He theorized that a civilization’s technical advancement runs parallel to the amount of energy that the civilization is able to harness and manipulate. Therefore, the more energy that a society can produce, the more technologically advanced they are.

The formula of the scale is K = (log10[P] – 6) / 10 

Where K = Civilization’s Kardashev.
P = Power It Uses, In Watts.

Currently we are 0.7 on the scale. By using the above formula, Kardashev defined three types of Civilizations. They are,

Type 1: If we can use the energy of the entire planet then we are on Type 1 civilization of the Kardashev Scale. In other words, we must be able to use all the energy that is produced on our home planet.

Type 2: If we can use the energy produced by a Star, then we are in Type2 civilization of the Kardashev Scale. In other words, we would be colonizing stars and other planets and start living on them.

Type 3: If we can use the energy produced by a galaxy, then we are in Type 3 civilization of the Kardashev Scale. Man, that is a lot of energy!

Kardashev gave only three types of civilization. However, using the formula given by him, scientists were able to create four more. They are.

Type 4: If we can the energy produced by the universe, then we are in Type 4 civilization of the Kardashev Scale. Just imagine, the energy produced by the entire Universe! Goosebumps isn’t it?

Type 5: If we can use the energy produced by multiverses, then we are in Type 5 civilization of the Kardashev Scale. You will have the ability to jump around all the universes and have fun!

Type 6: This civilization is outside of the realm of science. If you are able to control space , time , create universes for fun then we are in Type 6 civilization of Kardashev Scale. It’s crazy isn’t it?

Type 7: This is like omnipresent and omnipotent. You can do anything, there are no limits. Here is the only imagination is your limit to imagine. There are no boundaries.

The Kardashev Scale is one of the important theory to conceptualize the future of Science.

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MIRROR: NOT A REAL REFLECTION.

In the world we live in there are many weird things that happen around us. We cannot know all of them, but we sure do see a few and feel bizarre. We all use a mirror to see our reflection. The mirror is like a common household item in every house. However, what would be your reaction if you see a mirror in an office work desk?

You would feel that person is self-obsessive and needs a mirror even while working. Or you may think they are protecting themselves from intruders and stuff who come from the back right? What if I tell you it was the idea of the company to install a mirror at the work desk? Seems a bit odd right? What if I tell you that they installed it on all the desks. It is weird, isn’t it?

No matter if an employee is working for a company, they have their personal life. They have the freedom of expressing their emotions. For instance, a person might be having a rough day at home or might be feeling low. It is okay for them to be in silence, not talk to anyone and still keep working. It is not like you should always smile and keep working right?

If you agree with me, then I got one of the bizarre incidents which personally shook me to the core. Recently corporate giants started installing mirrors at employee work desks so that if they are sad they can simply look into the mirror and “Smile.” First of all, I didn’t get it. I thought what is the need for that? But when they shamelessly said to keep a good face before client, I couldn’t even speak.

This mirror thing has now entered almost all parts of the world, and it is making me very sick thinking about it. This is mainly seen in the customer service department. The organisation specifically states that “Don’t worry if you are having rough customer guys, just end the call, look at the mirror and smile. Then take the next call.” I mean is it not enough that you suck their blood and sweat and give salary which is equal to peanuts? You have to turn them to robots and control their expressions?

We all work to pay the bills and bear the finances. Some of us may have passions, but I’m sure not customer care person would want to do that job. Who would want to get cusses and yelling’s for nine hours in a day? The corporates are not ready to stand up the employee and say to the customer not to be rude or behave professionally. But they want a human to control their sadness and smile.

This is the violation of basic human rights of an individual. Why hire humans and make them do this? Just automate all your processes and get your work done by robots. Sure, the customer has rights and all and they deserve the service they need. But it doesn’t matter if the employee is happy or sad. They can have a rough day and they have all the rights to express their feelings.

If you have faced this situation or going to face, my friend you are a hero and an inspiration. Just hang in there and you will have the best days coming!