Desire to Date
Eager to explore me, I set foot into the world. I seek myself in reflections of other people. It is a trial and error method that I follow to know me. I explore people, see what they are and understand the differences between them and me. And that’s how I get to know me by removing everything that is not a part of me. And it is weird how I am desperate to know more people. It might be the winter, the season to date and romance.
It is almost as if I’m horny for conversations. Let me be modest; I’m horny too. I don’t know. I have never met some who claims themselves to be perverts, and people don’t speak these things out. So, I think I am a pervert, and I need to meet a pervert to see if I’m really one of them or maybe I’m different. And out of the angst and despair for being alone, I seek company.
I kept walking in this cold winter to find myself a good company. It is one night that I seek this company to know if this is what I want; trial and error. If the night felt warm enough, this is what I will have for the rest of my nights. Or at least, that was what my plan was when I began travelling. And after running into a couple of random people, I have come to know about this place. “Come and Date.” It is a pretty honest title for a site that allows its customers to date.
Come and Date
On second thought, I think they are selling their tasteless coffees and frozen french fries in the name of dating to attract young customers. But the winter winds and my lonely bed demanded me to check it myself. The board was short and straight; didn’t expect it to be this rushy. And it was filled with all sorts of people. And there was this guy who was looking at me with a smile on his face. I can never forget that smile. No one looked at me with this amount of light shining through their teeth when I walked in any door of my life.
He robotically came towards me. He handed over a menu which read ‘Single, Long distance, Horny, Playboy, Hit and Run’. “What’s hit and run?” I asked eagerly. “Oh! You are that kind. It’s been a long time” he sighed. “What is that type?” I asked, and he said “You avoid your emotional responses. You behavee like there is no connection between the people you sleep” he smiled. “I have never..” and he interrupted me with a big O shaped mouth. “You look twenty something. And you have never?” he asked. “It is what it is!” I said and gave a rather De Niro-ish expression to kill the awkwardness.
He looked at me curiously and asked “You wouldn’t dare! It is what it is?” he asked again, and I nodded. “Well, sir! In that case, you get a combo, you can try out everythign that’s on the menu” he signalled me to follow him inside. It was a dark room, and it reminded me of the interrogation room in Dark Knight. “Where are they?” I asked in a coarse voice. He laughed maniacally and asked me to sit down in front of a table. There was a lamp on the table, and yeah, I now felt like I’m in some torture room.
The torture room
He asked me to wait in the room, and he went out and clapped so hard. His clap killed the noise coming from different ladies. It was a relief to feel silence after a long time. “Ladies! There is a gentleman inside who have availed the combo pack! because” he paused looked at their faces. I can see his theatrics from the glass door. He looked like he was waiting for the drum roll. After a 30 second gap and an expression that looked like constipation, he finally uttered the phrase “It is what it is” he yelled.
The girls went gaga and formed a queue in front of the glass door. The first one in the row knocked on the door and looked at my face. It was quite awkward, but I signalled her to come in. She was feeling hesitant, so I initiated the conversation. “Hey,” I said, and I wish I told something more than that. She smiled, and her cheeks got red, she is blushing. I never knew someone would blush to look at me. “You are cute,” she said, and it pulled the strings of my heart. “My lonely nights are done, my arms can feel some weight on them,” I thought.
“Do you like pandas?” she asked curiously. That reminded me of Kungfu Panda. I began answering that question “Well, they are so cute..” I was about to finish as she interrupted me in the middle and held my hands. “Do you want to have sex with me?” She asked. I shook for the honesty, and I couldn’t say no, can I? “Of cou..” I was about to finish my sentence, but she looked at the entrance to cover her hesitation. A younger and bulkier dude walked in, and she stood up. She ran towards him, leaving me to sit in the chair like an idiot.
The Humiliation of a failed date
The next girl was not even looking at my face. She was looking all around the room and sat in front of me. She was looking at her nails, phone and everywhere else but not me. I couldn’t understand why did she even come in if she is not interested. I grew impatient, and I threw a Hello at her. She still kept looking at her phone. I threw in a second hello killing my ego. But the avoidance repeated. I grew impatient and, “Why are you even here if you are going to pretend like I’m not here?” I asked, and she gave me a cheap look. “Despo” she cursed, and she left.
Double Humiliation of a disastrous date
It was weird how I totally felt like a pervert for the first time in my life. And I wasn’t even behaving horny. The next girl, ah! she looks like a sweety she is smiling at me right from the entrance till she sat in front of me. She threw in a great hello, and it was warm. I greeted her, and we had an hour-long conversation, which made me forget there was a queue outside. I thought this one would warm my winter nights and maybe more than just one winter. “Let’s go to my place or yours, why to make them stand out while we both are going steady,” I said as I couldn’t hold it any longer. “Excuse me!” She gave me a cheap look”Did I say something wrong?” I asked as she stood up “I’m here for friends!” she yelled.
This blew my mind out. “But the board out there literally tells people to date,” I shouted. “Sorry, I don’t have such intentions” she yelled while leaving. I didn’t understand. Why was she standing in the line, and why did she wait to meet for me. Why did she talk with me more than an hour in a place that read “Come and Date” if she had no intentions? It was a horror show, and I don’t know If I can take any of them. I was genuinely afraid to meet the next person. But, my inner urge increased after looking at the queue. Maybe next one, I thought and called the next one in.
Prowess of Left and Right
This one was genuinely interested in me, and she kept talking to me. But I found no interest in her dialogue. I found the manual that is on my table more interesting than her. She was honest, open and looking for someone just like me. But I should like her, and only then can I really talk with her. She never gave the space for me to even speak. She was continuously speaking about her exaggerated adventures of early college days. Pretending to, listen, I kept on reading the manual. I understood that I possess some commands in here.
The manual says that if I yelled “left” the party sitting before me would walk away. I just want to try it, not because I want to hurt this person but I just her to shut up. She was talking about her days as a fellowship scholar as I shouted “left” and she left. I really liked it. Wish I would have read the manual before. The next person was about to sit, and I asked up straight “What are you here for?” She smiled at me warmly and said: “I’m looking for new friends.” I smiled back and shouted, “left”.
28 people came to a place called “Come and Date” to meet new friends. Are they really illiterate or just afraid to speak out about their feelings? They might just be looking for a filmy romance where two friends realise that they are in love. Or maybe they keep all these friends who always flirt them and the best flirter with the costliest gift or the one who impresses them the most wins their heart. I imagined a stage where the “just friends” princess was standing excited, and Alfred from Batman animated series was hosting the ceremony. “#BFF number 35, please come upon the stage for winning the heart of SweetyPrincess2179”.
I couldn’t take it anymore, I ran out, wept, and slept in my lonely room that speaks out gloominess. I feel embarrassing as I expect more of me as I thought I was self-sufficient. But here I go crying because of SweetyPrincess2179 who wants me to be a friend of hers to see would win the contest of flirtation. But I guess I’m out of the competition. I don’t think this is for people like me because I prefer honesty than this circus of constant impressions and flirtations. I would instead ask permission to kiss than fake my way to kiss.
If the price of being honest is eternal loneliness, so be it! Let me the Socrates of my Athens and drink the poison of loneliness to attain liberty from flirtation. But my heart still pulled me towards the joint. I just wanted to peep and see what’s going on. I saw that they renovated in a single day. They are now a 72-floor crowdy building, and I sat at the door, laughing. I was sweating from all the walking, and I lit a cigarette. My hair was messy and my shirt, smelly. The girls that go in are least of my concern. I don’t give a damn about what they think of me.
The Ultimate Resolution; the final date
After a smoke, right when I woke up to leave, I can smell a sweaty odour that was different from me. I turned back to check this messy person out, and it was a petite girl who looked intriguing. I don’t know why I just walked to her, and I liked how she was messy and natural. She didn’t give a fuck about impressions either. I don’t know why I said that, but I just went “How about a Mexican dinner? Taco and chill?” Now, this girl had never eaten a taco before, but she liked how I was raw, messy and most of all, direct. I understood how she liked me when I didn’t try to impress her. And I liked it when I understood why she liked me without even her mentioning of it.
“Why not?” she said. It was a relief, and I didn’t know that I could make it. We both left the area and started walking towards a Mexican diner. Now, I might come back here again, maybe it will take some time. But, I might, I don’t know. But while I was walking with her talking about tacos and movies, I never thought of coming back here. I felt like spending not only all my winters but also all of my monsoons and summers with her. And we walked into the diner while the sun just pierced the snows of winter.