YOU: The Symbolic Life.

On a Thursday morning, I woke up to the sound of my alarm. Then I picked up the most loyal partner I ever had for two years, my phone and checked for notifications. I made my bed and went to the hall. I saw my mother doing her chores. As soon as she saw me, she raised eyes as she saw one of the most disgusting guys on the planet. I don’t think they have any exceptions on me.

It is the normal thing to me, as I told I’m getting too tired of the job I had and want to follow my passion. We had fought for almost every day for the past six months. Even my dad is on mom’s side, they always cuss me and force me to find another and higher corporate life. I get ready for my work and leave for the office.

Ahh, office, the birthplace of my slavery and fake respect. I go in, and all of my colleagues greet me, throw a fake smile at me and show some phony respect and I reflect the same and go to my cabin. I open my laptop and start working. Few hours pass by, and I take a break thinking about aspects of my life. One of my colleague and friend Teja walks in. 

Teja: What’s up, man! Why so gloomy? What’s wrong? 

Me: Nothing man, just thinking about life; it is becoming tough and challenging every day. I don’t think I will be able to take this anymore.  

Teja: Chill, bro! You got 52 clients in the past three months that is like a world record! You are the best performer consistently. I sometimes feel jealous and want to live your life. 

Me: Life is not about only professional life, my man! It is just a part of it. I hate this life. I want to perceive my passion. But I cannot, and it hurts a lot. You know how my parents treat me; it is not good. Sometimes I feel I should be the “man”. You know the macho types, the “alpha male.” Like fuck everything who cares and don’t feel anything. 

But I’m not that either I’m the opposite of alpha, what is the last letter in Greek letters? Ah, fuck I don’t even know that. Sometimes I feel I should believe in a supernatural deity. So that I can find someone to blame all this shit and ask for answers. Fuck it! I don’t even believe in spirituality to find so-called “peace.” I’m concerned my man. I don’t know even know what the fuck is going on. 

Teja: Calm down, bro! Do you trust and respect me?

Me: Of course I do! Why do you even ask that?

Teja: Nothing I know this person who claims to cure life problems, I will make an appointment this Saturday. Meet him, and he will surely help you.

Me: Those are conmen you stupid bitch! They just take the money and do nothing. You moppet headed fuck! Please don’t believe them and I hate them.

Teja: Calm down! He claims to use Science, you said you respect me, you should go there. Now shut the fuck up! It is getting late, let’s go to lunch.

Teja and I leave for lunch, and I keep thinking about this conment Teja told me. I went to many doctors; there is nothing wrong with me. They said not to take everything upon me, give things time and everything will be fine. But what will this guy tell me? Will he just loot me? The only way to find that is wait till Saturday and meet him directly. 

Finally, the day had arrived to see what the guy tells me. And I wake up and get ready to meet him. Teja texts me the appointment details and his location. I take my car and drove toward him; the site is 12 kilometres away. I reach there, and the name of the place intrigued me. It said “Science Helping Center.” I thought this conman is using Science in the wrong name. 

I went in and showed my message of appointment. They have asked me to wait in the waiting area till my name comes up. I went into a room that said “waiting room” and was awestruck! It had the best books and science journals possible. I was, is, and will always be a science nerd and I started reading a few and travelled through the cosmos. I felt so relieved after many days. 

Few hours pass by, and I’m having the best time ever! My name comes up and its time to meet him. I go in, and I see a man wearing torn jeans and has a dark style look sitting on a chair with a huge table. He sees me, smiles and sighs me to sit. I sat there in silence, waiting for the conman to arrive. The man in front of me is reading something, and his eyes are rolling very seriously.

After a few minutes, he put the thing he is reading down, looks at me and starts speaking.

Him: Hey! My name is Munna, and I’m the one who cures people here, this is your file I have been reading. So you got house issues and issues with people and stuff. I get that, no problem, I will help you.

I was in shock, how can a conman dress like this and speak like this? After a few seconds, I gathered myself and started talking. 

Me: Never thought a conman would dress like this to get more people in. You are using science name to lure people in and gain money. Now, what are you going to do? Indulge me into spirituality and say giggle? I know you all, you are the biggest liars on this planet.

Munna smiled and continued. 

Munna: I don’t give a shit on your spirituality, neither I won’t give a rats ass on your beliefs. I’m doing the thing I know to help you. If you want to get help, do as I say, or else you can fuck off. It is as simple as that.

I startled for a moment and agreed to do whatever he is giving me.

Munna: Okay, here is a drink. Once you drink it, you will be knocked out for ten days. You won’t even know what is happening around you. You will wake up after ten days and then follow what I ask you to do.

I thought for a while and decided to drink it. It tasted peculiar; the worst thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. I drank it all in and within a few seconds, it felt drowsy, and I dozed off. Days passed by and finally I woke up and was feeling very hungry and weak. I searched for my phone and couldn’t find it around my bed. After a few minutes, a lady came to me and asked to freshen up and meet Munna. 

I freshened up and went to meet Munna. He signalled me to sit and was a reading a paper again. After a few minutes, he looked at me and said.

Munna:  So, you are done with stage one of the procedure. Now I want you to go back to your everyday life and observe how people are with you. Don’t call people till you meet them. I want you to note these things you find in them and meet me after two days. Don’t forget to collect your stuff while leaving.

It felt strange, but I accepted, I took my things and headed home. After precisely two days, I came back with my observations. This time I can directly meet Munna without any waiting because he wanted to see me as I came in. I walked straight to him. He signalled me to sit and talked to me. 

Munna: So, what are your observations? How did people behave with you? What did you observe? Tell me everything you did and make sure not to miss minute essential details. 

Me: Okay, as soon as I left this place, I reached home. My family was like we thought you ran away for your passion and tried to search you, later we thought you would be back eventually as you feel will hungry. Next day I went to the office, but the faces that usually greet me were laughing at me. They didn’t have a greeting or a fake smile.  

After some time, my boss walked into my cabin and asked what do I think of this company? He doesn’t give a fuck if I’m a top performer or anything. I should answer the phone at least. He asked me to quit and gave a termination notice. My friends were like, where were you, man? We missed you a bit and asked not to live without saying. You made my life messier now you dick face! 

Munna had a chuckle, and he noted down everything I said. After writing, he saw me in the eye and started speaking. 

Munna: “Now, rewind your life a bit. The past ten days, even you didn’t live your life. They went into the oblivion, and you cannot get them back. Your parents thought you just ran away and didn’t even bother to inquire. They thought you would just feel hungry and come back. Your office where you were working for four years, who hails you as the best guy, hard worker etc., removed you like you were nothing.

All the emotions you felt came from other people reactions to you. The most important thing here is “expectation.” You expect your parents to be understanding, your boss to give you less work, people to stop hating you and be a friend so and so forth there are many.

I’m not saying don’t expect or expect, and I’m not the one to say it. You expected and that is fine. But when the people didn’t reflect your expectation, why are you feeling sad? Why don’t you respect your expectation on yourself? Why don’t you like yourself? 

It is effortless to kick a person when he is low, and this so-called “society” tend to do it. In your case, your parents tend to do it because they know you cannot say anything back or stand up for yourself. And in the case of your office the same people who greeted you smiled at you didn’t give a rats ass when the boss is yelling at you. 

If we go back a bit, before that ten days you missed. You never liked yourself. You always blamed yourself for all the abuses and cusses you got. Slowly that self-blame turned into self-hate. Now you think everyone around you hates you. Let me tell you a small thing, people are very busy in their life and can feel the emotions.

You might have small fights, misunderstandings, ignorance, etc., but eventually, they will realise the good you did to them and will be with you and stand for you. Unless and until you murdered their family or did some hideous crime, no one will really hate you. It is you who hates you and think that everyone does too.

If you start standing up for yourself and start liking yourself for the way you are, these things don’t bother you much. If you are depressed, wants to be alone and not share anything with anyone, how will anyone know you are suffering from issues. Remember, there will be rough days and sadness, but when you are having a good day, you need to smile and share the happiness the same way you are sharing sorrow. 

If you stand up for yourself and be expressive with the people whom you like and share things, you will have much better days coming forward.”

After listening to this, tears just came rolling out of my eyes. This time these were happy tears. I hugged Munna and headed back home for a better version of myself. 

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