The Interdimensional Poop

The sun in the Crappenium galaxy was shining bright and from that bright light came out a space ship. It was travelling a wee bit slower than the speed of light, but its motive was to reach the speed or even cross it. Soon it crossed the speed of light, and it vanished from the visible spectrum. Guess it tore the space-time fabric it can now move through space and time. The space ship was brown, twisty, and it looked like a massive piece of shit!

The time and space stood still as the interdimensional poop zoomed its way to Andromeda galaxy and through there to Milkyway in no time. It passed from our sun and stood in front of the moon, closer to the earth. And the scientists found something—a dot in the light of the moon, a weird passing. The pictures of this shadow in front of the moon were viral all over the online. Every self-made Sherlock was onto figuring out this shadowy structure. Many claimed different things, and the shadow was not clear, but, it was odd. A bird? A plane? Little did they know that it was not Superman but Superdump from a Crappenium universe.

Indian godman HappyGuru arranged a vast event and danced on the stage. He thought it looked like the symbol of their God. All the atheists faced HappyGuru’s wrath as he thrashed them with his words. “Where are the miracles after the invention of camera? You asked! Here! Look at the moon you fools!” the guru shouted. His event was a significant success, and sponsors increased payments by each hour for the event. Each godman saw their religious symbol in the moon. Some of the cults saw their own guru’s face in the moon. 

Meanwhile, the governments were confused; the satellites confirmed a presence. It is something alien, and it shook the nations. Is the ship here to attack? Is the ship binging an interdimensional message? The thing that scares people was not its presence, but its silence! The bordered nations which were about to ban each other’s markets and slit their soldiers’ throats turned their missiles towards this giant obstruction. The professors were debating with each other, and the TV hosts were yelling even louder to control these intellectual fools. Some suggested shooting the shit out of this giant shit. And the people fighting to make contact with them argued with these shit-shooting supporters.

Ex-convicts went on a rape and robbery streak. And people who held grudges killed each other. The corporate slaves employees quit their job and started enjoying their salaries for the first time. Fat cunts who betray their own reflections started feeling lovely for the first time. Chiselled and ripped bodied attitude wielding douchebags started eating french fries and the carbs they missed. Vegans ate the damn cow! Everyone was singing YOLO and suddenly many straight men opened up about their secret tranny desires, and the ladies went all scissors! It was an apocalyptic scenario! The world filled with murder and mayhem! But every fucker was happy. Not the guy who was getting murdered, of course!

The government couldn’t handle this public breakout! It was like everybody knew their death was coming, no one gave a shit about any of these material things. The only functioning government was the one with the missiles! Even Admiral general Aldeen from Wadia pointed his pointy rocket towards this thing. After many discussions, the UN wanted to shoot the obstacle first and take care of the citizen later. Amid all this chaos, the obstacle moved a bit closer to the earth!

Aladeen shot his missile without any permissions, but it didn’t even make a scratch on this thing. As it got closer, it became clear. People didn’t see God in it anymore; it was evident that it looked like shit. The dancing guru stopped commenting and went back to meditation. “I will meditate for the world’s peace” he said. The cults were shocked at how they thought this giant shit-shaped structure was their religious leader’s face. But no one spoke out, everyone knows that it looked like poop, everyone saw that, but no one dared to say “Hey, doesn’t it look like a giant piece of shit?”, No! No one!

Many conspiracy theorists say that this is the plan of a country which was earlier accused of spreading a virus. But if they couldn’t control a virus, they allegedly created, how could they have managed a moon-sized poop? No one asked that either. The pressure on tidal waves was severe, and the Hentai nation was already arranging to save themselves from an upcoming tsunami. The UN declared to shoot the thing if it didn’t respond to their signals. Professor Wannabi who had recently completed his PhD in Scatology (literally the study of poop) suggests that the readings indicate the thing contains heavy ‘Methanethiol’. Whatever this thing is; its readings can affect our environment, says Wannabi, the doctor of Scatology.

But the dumb stubborn and focused governments finally decided to blast the thing off! They have to shoot the ship in a way that its pieces blast off to the outer space or in the ocean at least. The guns and satellites turned towards the space-obstacle. Religious places had huge collections that day because the middle-men between God and people made them do weird and meaningless rituals to save themselves from this apocalypse. While the nations fired their missiles, right at that moment many millions of people, 84% to be specific (the percentage of religious people) sent their thoughts and prayers. The rockets hit the structure, and the shell of this ship cracked. Thoughts and prayers, on the other hand, didn’t make an impact, like every other time, of course.

The fire in the sky was a beautiful scenery. Photographers turned their lenses on and shot time lapses of this ship blasting into pieces. After the beautiful fire explosion, it looked like it was about to rain. Something was approaching earth, and fear struck everyone. It sounded like rain, everyone was looking at the sky, and before they could even move, it started raining shit! On the lenses of cameras, in the terrace-swimming-pools, heads of people and the hands of the meditating guru. “Ah! A divine gift” guru opened his eyes, and it took a while to close his lids again!

Guess no one can post pics like this post the shit-rain!

For the first time in centuries, the world maintained hours of silence. No one spoke to each other. Hours of cleaning and there is still a heap of crap on their heads. Everyone looked disgusted. No one was happy, except for the Scatologist, of course! He was the only guy dancing around poop, and it’s all another thesis for him, a double doctorate? Loads of study material raining right on top of his lab! It was declared to be crap of an alien planet. They possibly destroyed all the place on their world to fill their poop. So they have sent their pieces of crap wrapped in a metal ship, they were considerate to throw it galaxies away. Travelling through time and space, the interdimensional poop landed right on our heads.

But why did it choose us? Because God of poop sends regards? Nah! maybe random, or perhaps because it thought the earth was a giant commode!

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Manoj Sri Harsha

A filmmaker who's also a philosopher and I have always been a writer. My urge to tell stories have provoked and boosted me to write my thoughts out as words, sentences and essays! I treat storytelling objectively and would always try new things to tell any story in a different way. Big fan of the Avant-garde!

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