Hi guys, Myself Aravind from a small village you might not have heard. It doesn’t matter, because look, I’m speaking to you in a pure grammatical manner. I couldn’t even express my mother tongue without an accent, but now I perfected English. I learnt this through practice and trying to speak in English even when my mother and native people called me a show-off. Really! Speaking in English is not show-off, I mean it is, but positively. It is showing off what you can and what they can’t. They are just jealous of you speaking in English. Today’s lesson is to make your accent, people might call it faking your accent, but you are just making it.
Aravind is looking at the computer screen curiously, scratching his head. He just added a few glitters on the video and made himself a bit brighter. “I will look fair this way” he murmured and played the video.
Usually, we Indians pronounce the R but let’s forget R exists and Read the word ‘read’ as ‘weed’. Of course, people will find out us faking it in the beginning, but after practice, you might master the pretend, and it will no longer be an act.
Aravind spent all night editing the video. He was wearing a tank top vest, and a boxer and his chest hair was visible through the holes of his tank top. He lived in a place that looks like a ruin. The smell of wet walls and wind through the broken windows were what Aravind was already habituated. He ate instant noodles for dinner and slept on the floor with just a blanket underneath and another on him. And there wasn’t even a pillow.
It was a beautiful morning, and Aravind was creepily smiling looking into the mirror. “You are a spirit!” he yelled. “You are a spirit full of energy!” he sighed and “You are a spirit full of energy and nothing can bring you down!” he yelled again. He smiled again looking himself into the mirror. He was dressed casually, but his shoes were polished in a way that he wore a suit. He combed his hair carefully; he was not done. He applied wax to his eyebrows and oil to his moustache. He wiped his face with a wet tissue and dropped a deodorant in his bag. He got on the road and caught a public bus. He dropped off at a costume rental service. He came out wearing a suit and given his balding hair and a thick moustache; he looked like someone from the Sicilian Mafia. He then caught another bus. Everyone on the bus was looking at him funny as it was uncommon to wear suits in India. People who wear suits don’t travel in the public buses. It just felt weird to look at him. He got down at a car rental service and came out with a posh sedan vehicle. He looked like he fit in that car. He connected his Pen-drive to the player. “You are a spirit” his voice started playing, and he listened to his speech he recorded one morning looking into the mirror. He even set his rear mirror in a way that he can see himself.
He parked the car in front of a huge college campus, and he entered in with a heartful smile. The watchman greeted him, and a bunch of students and faculty welcomed him. He was escorted to the auditorium where a hundred students were seated. He smiled and looked at all of them. “Know your audience” he said to himself and took a glance at everyone. “They are not over 20, you can do this!” he thought.
“Good morning, Men and Women!” he yelled. “That’s how I want to greet you. You are not boys and girls anymore! Are you?” he asked, and the crowd cheered NO. “I’m not here to motivate you as they told you! I’m here to have fun and make you enjoy for an hour!” he yelled, and the kids were screaming with him. “Because lectures about success are not lectures but fun facts and hack towards life!” he gulped. “Imagine being succesful while they are many others who do not” he laughed. “I’m here to guide you and teach you the glitch I found in destiny and it allows you to be as succesful as I’m!” he continued.
“Today I will tell you the habits of a successful person! I will make you learn them!” He paused. He was combing his hair with hands. He slowly covered his body behind the wooden podium to take out the paper he had prepared as he forgot his lines. He did successfully manage to take the paper and put it on the podium. He smiled and yelled, “They are simple but powerful!” He looked down at the thing written beside the bullet “1)” on the paper, and read “Underwears” and he realised what he had yelled and looked at his paper once again, and to his shock, it’s the list of stuff he wrote earlier to buy while going home. But before everyone reacted to it, he was quickly on his feet and yelled “Successful people do not wear fancy underwears”. Everyone was puzzled, and he faked a burst of laughter. “You heard me right!” he scratched his nose “Successful people don’t care what they wear underneath, it is what they are outside that matters to them” he continued and breath a sigh. He was tensed and wiped his sweaty forehead with his wet tissue. “I metaphorically used the word underwear to grab all of your attention! My point is, you need not run for what is fancy. You should run for what is needed, and you know why?” he asked the crowd because he had no fucking clue about what he was speaking. He should manage the hour, and he gets paid. The audience was silent, but he did not panic. He started pointing out fingers and gesturing individual students to speak out. It didn’t work either. So he looked around and asked once again “Anyone?”, then he pointed out a boy who was writing notes of this speech. “You look like a smart person. You know why we should not run towards fancy, and unnecessary things don’t you?” he smiled. The student blushed and stood up; he felt like he was rewarded. To pass the time, Aravind gestured one of the volunteers to come near the stage. “Can anyone give him a mic?” he asked them. They set-up another mic and it took about 15 minutes while Aravind planned how to pass next few minutes. The student smiled and was blushing to speak out.
“Come on; it’s your time to shine. You have to speak out to be successful” he encouraged the student. “Succesful people are frugal” the student said. Aravind laughed and was searching for what’s frugal on google under the podium. “Good good sit down” he signed the boy. “One of the important leadership principles is frugality” he continued. “Life is a ladder, and you climb it carefully. You should not look at what’s down and not bother what is up. You just need to try to move up” he uttered. “Coming back to the habits… I will tell you what my practices are to speak more personally. I come from a village background, and now I speak in English. Everyone in my village was laughing and teasing me when I spoke in English, but now I’m giving a speech here while they are cleaning dung off buffaloes. I’m not telling you that they are doing worse, I’m just telling you that I’m doing better. And how am I doing better being born in the same place as the guy who wipes dung? It’s my habits and practices” he said as one student yelled “Yes, but what are those mysterious habits” and a peal of laughter continued that. Aravind knew right then that he was going to make a joke of himself if he did not act upon the situation too soon. He took a deep breath and looked at the kid seriously. “You are a spirit!” he murmured. “You are a spirit full of energy” he boosted himself and yelled “Patience!” so severe and loud. “Patience is the essential habit of a successful person that you evidently lack! Patience is a virtue of those who seek opportunities. Without patience, you will take hasty decisions and suck at them” he paused. The Principal gestured him to wrap the session soon. Aravind jumped and danced inside. But he felt the urge to leave a mark on the students. “Stand up!” he shouted seriously. “All of you” he put on a rather serious expression. “I came here to tell you about the habits of a successful person. But I have something better for you given the time-frame of our session. I have a mantra for you all to chant. A mantra that will lead you to success. Repeat it with me. Repeat it as higher as I shout. Repeat it every day you wake-up looking into the mirror. Repeat it every time you feel down, and every time you need to rise up” he screeched and closed his eyes. “Close your eyes and visualise yourself” he said. He took a long breath. “I’m a spirit!” he yelled, and the crowd roared too. “Louder” he screamed, and the audience yelled, “I’m a spirit!” loudly. Everything he shouted was repeated by the students.
“I’m a spirit full of energy!”
“I can do what I want to do.”
“I’m a hunter and a lion.”
“No-one can stop me, not even a tiger.”
The crowd got emotional and were roaring higher by each line, and when he said the last line, the entire group was feeling a rush. He asked them to repeat the last line three times with him.
The crowd was breaking their lungs out.
They got highly energetic, and Aravind got down the stage. He joined the Principal, who was waiting outside the auditorium. “It was energetic” Principal said. “I’ve never heard them yelling this energetically, you are good” Principal shook hands with Aravind. Principal asked him to wait in his room as he walked in the auditorium to know the feedback on Aravind. Students who just shouted their lungs out were automatically positive towards Aravind, and the guy who wrote notes through his speech was wiping tears off his face. “I feel powerful!” he exclaimed to the Principal.
The Principal smiled, Aravind’s pockets filled. Aravind returned the suit and car; he travelled back to his rotten home in a bus. He took his pants down and wore a formal shirt but boxers underneath. He turned his camera on. He set the frame to only cover him till his waist, and there was a green box behind where he sat that accurately fit in the frame and was an ideal background that allows to change backgrounds in the edit. He started recording about the mantras of success and spoken English. He edited the video all night while the student who made jokes on Aravind forgot about the speech and was carried away playing a video-game. The effect of yelling “I’m Power” has worn off by now. The Principal didn’t lose much money, and it was no-one’s loss except for Rajesh.
Rajesh was the guy who took notes of that con. He took it seriously. He was looking into the mirror, and he yelled “I’M POWER!”