We all know what BLAH is. It can be anything. You can replace this blah with anything, and it would still mean nothing. By this line, you must be wondering what that cover picture is, and what am I trying to say. But you don’t need to worry about that because the cover picture is the very first one I saw after I opened the royalty-free picture library. It does not solve any purpose of this article, and it exists because it had to. Do you even know why you exist? Wait, I guess I’m drifting off-topic! Wait! Was there supposed to be a topic? Yeah, the BLAH! Ten things to do BLAH! You do understand that this paragraph exists because we need an introductory paragraph for this kind of stuff before the ten things I’m going to say, right?
1) Stay Healthy
Of course, you know this, who the fuck doesn’t want to be healthy! But still, I’m going to try to tell you some things to be healthy. Believe me, I don’t know shit, and I’m just writing whatever I feel like and just making you stay with the totally irrelevant pictures that make no sense. You need to drink water; you know that, right? Of course, whiskey and rum are tasty, but don’t over-drink them, okay? I guess you need to eat good food too, like pasta, noodles, Manchuria, and Biryani. Of course, they are not healthy, but you love to eat them, why don’t you do that, why don’t you follow your instinct.
2) Listen to good music
I know that I sound absolutely ridiculous by saying that! But yeah, listening to good music helps you to BLAH. It keeps you tuned, happy, and I’m unable to remember the other word. It’s okay though, and I have already finished forty-nine words in this paragraph by this word.
3) Take a dump
No, I’m not kidding! You should have a good digestive system. If you have a good flow of poop, your guts will be cleared so that you can fit the remaining food you are trying not to throw away. “A dump a day keeps constipation away!” No one said that, but I think there must definitely be few bold and italic words inside quotes for some paragraphs.
4) Make friends
At least try to or pretend to. Some are lucky to have good friends, while some get backstabbed, and their french fries get stolen. Never trust the friend who takes your chips. Once I was sitting in a restaurant, I was saving pieces of Paneer to eat them in the climax. But, my ex-friend robbed the piece right in front of my eyes. It broke my heart. So, make sure you make friends who don’t steal your food, the one who gives his food is an incentive.
5) Self- Gratification
NO! God damn it! I’m not talking about that! Come on, you perv! When I say Self-gratification, I’m talking about how you should start satisfying yourself and stop waiting for god or a prophet or merely a blogger’s approval for you to do shit. Can’t you do shit without a blogger telling you how to do it in 10 different ways? Come on! Give me a break!
6) Know your limits!
Yes, that’s a serious suggestion! I thought I could write 10 of these things, and the juice in my glass is already over. Wait, let me change the title to 9 things because, fuck, mate! I don’t even know what I should write for the 7th! You should seriously know your limit man!
7) Be open-minded
I don’t give a shit if you are an orthodox close-minded brat, I’m just trying to look cool. Yo! I’m so open-minded that sometimes I wear torn clothes and let people see the colour of my underwear. Just kidding! I’m just broke! 😦 But yeah, it is true that being open will help you eat all kinds of food there is and you can’t miss any of them!
8) Don’t be depressed!
Please don’t be depressed. Why are you depressed? You should not be depressed. Is someone harassing you? Don’t worry; I’m just using those words as keywords! You know, reach and stuff! Harassment, Abuse, Rape, Murder, and Kidnap are the keywords that grab the attention of people. But don’t worry, it’s only the topics of sadness they would want to be against to look revolutionary. In real life, they don’t get the attention much. In India, few parents carefully choose a rapist and marry him with their daughter. It’s completely cool, chill out, no big deal.
9) Feel happy for what you have achieved!
OMG! I’ve achieved a 9th thing! I’ve successfully finished writing eight BLAHs, and now I’m filling the paragraph of ninth BLAH. I didn’t really think that I can pull this off. I don’t really know if someone would scroll down this far. Most of you guys would have quit this tab for the absurdity you have seen. But you! You have stayed! You are special! You are the Übermensch, mein führer. Because you complete me, you are respecting me by continuing to read!
10) Never lower your self-esteem!
I know that self-esteem is not a switch you lower and higher, but I did think of myself as a total idiot in the 6th BLAH. I have successfully written 10 BLAHs, and it’s time that I rename the title to 10 BLAHs again! If I gave up on myself, I would not have written 10, and I would have stopped at 9. See how I pushed my limits?
Now, this is the final paragraph, where I’ll try to explain why these ten things are cool. You already know all of them, but you were confused. You were confused to do something, and you were looking for answers on the internet. But the web is full of eagles now. You might be seeking a way out of depression, abuse, but people here are the real assholes. They’re worse than people who steal your fries. They are never to be trusted. They use keywords; they tell you things you already know; they give you false hope. They make you believe your temporary mood change is depression. Gosh! I got pretty serious in the last paragraph, right? It’s okay though; the last sections are always saved for the messages. The message I give you is nothing. It’s the knowledge that one can even make a reader to read his article through writing stupid and nonsensical shit. Not every engaging post is informative and sensible. Go have a beautiful day! I’m just saying that because I don’t know how to end this unbearable pain of a conversation.